http://www.democraticunderground.com/101877209Thu Mar 15, 2012, 05:19 PM
Star Member trof (41,124 posts) Profile Journal Send DU Mail Ignore
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What would you do? (marital 'infidelity'?)
My friend's (We know it's really you-trof) wife told him she had 'feelings' for a guy at work.
Has a 'special relationship' with him.
Wanted some 'space' to 'work things out'.
She claims no sex.
Just 'feelings'.
He is one of the best and nicest guys I've ever known.
They have two young daughters.
And he's always been the primary parent/care giver to them.
She earns big bucks and he lost his job last year (mortgage business).
They decided he would be a stay-at-home dad while she was the 'breadwinner'.
It really made sense, and they both seemed to be OK with that.
He is just devastated and I think she's a jerk.
'No sex' with this 'feelings' guy?
Yeah, right.
Pull the other one.
This all happened a few weeks ago.
He's over the initial shock, but still floundering.
I said 'Get a lawyer, NOW!'
Comments?
She's leaving because you're nothing but a panty-waist sissy.
I'd be willing to bet that you get bed ridden when she gets her period.
Response to pipi_k (Reply #4)
Thu Mar 15, 2012, 05:36 PM
Star Member boston bean (12,239 posts) Profile Journal Send DU Mail Ignore
8. this is my take. to stick around with someone treating you like that
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Last edited Thu Mar 15, 2012, 05:38 PM USA/ET - Edit history (2)
you are only lengthening the time they will treat you like that.
From my worldly experience, I believe this woman is unsure if she really wants to leave her husband and put her kids through that. So, instead of asking for a divorce (something she might regret), she asks for some space to at the very least emotionally cheat on her husband.
The quicker he stops being a doormat, the sooner his wife will make the decision on staying or going and he can keep some respect for himself. No one likes a mushy, i need you, i can't live without you, don't leave me, in this type of situation. It pushes people even further away, and gives them permission to keep treating you like that.
Because putting up with that BS, you might as well tattoo sucker on your forehead. She will not respect him and even fall further out of love.
If he leaves and she decides to not go back to him, well, that is how it was going to be in the end anyhow.
That won't work.
Once she finds out what a man is like, she can't go back to a girly man.
Response to boston bean (Reply #8)
Fri Mar 16, 2012, 03:44 AM
IndyJones (738 posts) Profile Journal Send DU Mail Ignore
51. I agree. You are a doormat or you're not. If he lets her go down that path, he loses respect and
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trust. Trust is a tough thing to ever get back.
Why should he be worried about losing her respect?
Response to pipi_k (Reply #4)
Thu Mar 15, 2012, 05:47 PM
Star Member trof (41,124 posts) Profile Journal Send DU Mail Ignore
9. He's seeing a shrink. He's asked her to go to family therapy.
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He's coming back now, facing reality, but he was a basket case for a while.
She won't go to family therapy with him, but did agree to see a shrink.
She reported to him that her shrink said she was perfectly fine.
He said "Did you tell him EVERYTHING?"
I don't think so.
I think he's on Xanax now.
No doubts now. She's getting boinked by someone else.
Response to seabeyond (Reply #7)
Thu Mar 15, 2012, 06:43 PM
Star Member Taverner (48,347 posts) Profile Journal Send DU Mail Ignore
19. Yep. See a lawyer.
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And see? We agree on some things...
He should know since he's going through a divorce.
Response to trof (Original post)
Thu Mar 15, 2012, 05:57 PM
Star Member riderinthestorm (8,137 posts) Profile Journal Send DU Mail Ignore
11. 1. Get a lawyer. Today
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2. If she won't agree to go to marriage counseling, today, then its time to have "the talk" and force some action. Staying in limbo land will emotionally devastate him (while she gets to play around). If she won't go, then decisions have to be made to make the separation legal and clear - about visitation, who gets to stay in the house, $$$, - all of it.
3. She IS sleeping with the other guy already, he knows that right? If not, then you must inform him in no uncertain terms. She is jeopardizing HIS health by sleeping around. He should get tested for STDs pronto.
4. His wife is treating him terribly. His self-esteem must be pretty low to endure this kind of disrespectful behavior from her. He really needs some (more?) support from his friends and family to bolster his will to get tough with himself and her and model better behavior (for his kids sake, if nothing else) than being a doormat.
Everybody with half a brain know that.
Response to Moondog (Reply #13)
Thu Mar 15, 2012, 06:43 PM
Star Member denbot
20. infidelity is not a gender issue.
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His role was not a gender change, and her behavior is not gender specific. He should NOT leave the home until he speaks with an attorney.
It is most definitely a gender change. She married what she thought was a man. He turned out to be a sniveling sissy.
Too many replies.
