The only believable part of this whole thing is "and NO, I did NOT hurt him", because he was have sued your ass off.
RW lawyer, LIE! (They don't exist!)
Chatting with the dentist about a political activist, LIE! (It hard enough to talk with all the crap they put into your mouth anyway, all the conversation usually consists of is "Did that hurt? Can you feel that?" etc, etc.)
Are you going to celebrate, LIE! (He is closing early and drinking late tonight! March 1 is a NEW NATIONAL HOLIDAY!)
Swing, swing, swing! STRIKE 3!
YOU'RE OUT!!!!