Feel free to add anything you like...I won't promise this is exactly good advice.
1) Upon entering a public restroom, locate the urinal. If you can't find one...GET OUT!
2) --edited. this advice was just too evil---DUmmie lurkers might actually try it. ---
3) The other day I let free one of the greatest burps ever. It was classic. It stopped a conversation between two of my co-workers. Do not. I repeat, DO NOT look at the girl and say, "I just can't take you anywhere."
--she won't find it funny.
4) Learn the "Pull my Finger" magic trick. You will always get a good laugh. and its repeatable too. Seeing the look of sheer horror on a little face, and watching a precious child run away in fear is worth its weight in gold. This is an essential "old mannn" skill you will need to learn.
5) Marry a woman who is a clean freak. Yeah, she's a nag sometimes, but you can train her not to trust you to clean things right. Then you can sit back and enjoy some lemonade.
--Yes you will have to praise her, take her to dinner, buy flowers and watch her stupid vampire movies...BUT its a lot cheaper than YOU cleaning up the place!
6) Never get cable with the Lifetime channel. never ever.
7) Call a plumber. Install a urinal. Not the Politically correct kind for midgets...but the MANNNLY kind.
It ends a lot of arguments. Paid for itself right there.
8) If your wife asks you if this outfit makes her look fat...Lie. She can't handle the truth.
