Dear Sis:
After 8 long years of Bush, I still haven't been able to get a job tasting pies. There was a job opening for "cake taster" at the "Little Debbie" cake factory but I refused it because my Masters Degree is in pie tasting. The debt on my student loan is piling up and the rich blood sucking bastards won't help me out by writing it off.
Little Johnny has a new place to stay. It's real nice, weight room, basketball courts, library. It comes with free room, meals and healthcare and they say he will probably be there for life. Oh, his roomate is real nice guy and they are planning to marry.
Mary is pregnant again for the fifth time but the good news is, she thinks she knows who the daddy is this time. That was a load off our minds. Not only will she get more foodstamps but maybe some child support too...if and when he finds a job.
The cops just left. Lucy wouldn't press charges. I swear I was only defending myself from her. She went into a rage when she found out I had eaten the last of the Cheetos's right after smoking the last joint in the house. Speaking of the house, we have to be out by next Saturday. Ain't that just like "THE MAN" throwing people out of their homes on a weekend. At least the BUICK is full of gas and has 4 new used tires on it. I was able to recondition it after I stripped all the copper plumbing and wiring out of the house. Didn't need it anyway because the power and water has been off for weeks.
Good news is that after I sell the water heater and stove we might have enough money to buy gas to get over to see you. Won't that be nice.
Your loving brother;
William
P.S.: Don't fix anything special for us or go out of your way to accommodate us. We'll only need 4 rooms and free WII-FII. ...and don't you and Charles go moving while we're on the road like you did last time. Ha-Ha-Ha