Dungeons and Dragons

[shadeaux]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2432474

The Straight Story  (1000+ posts)        Mon Dec-05-11 07:18 PM

Original message
 
Dungeons and Dragons, a day in the roleplaying game of life (ie, a rant)
 
 DM (DM = Dungeon Master, the person running the game) "You are sick, you have multiple problems. You cannot work, and your husband is sick as well and unable to work. You see before you life and your 10 yr old daughter. Before you sits a person who can help you, roll a die 20"

P1 (player 1, female) "I got a 12"

DM "you get 1200 gold for the month from the lords of the land to live off of. You hear someone near the door, your mailbox slams shut and you hear footsteps trailing off."

P1 "I get the mail and open it"

DM "You find bills for electric, gas, water, rent. And a note from the state that your health care coverage has been stopped because you got too much gold. Roll a die 12."

P1 "I got a 3. What does that mean? Why did I need to roll and why did they stop covering me??"

P2 (male, P1's husband) "I am not feeling too well, my insulin spell needs some components, I summon my Dr. to get help."

DM "P2 - you cannot summon your doctor anymore. P1, your roll indicates that your meds were accidentally spilled and ruined. You are feeling very ill now. You get a message that your electric will soon be turned off (rolls a die) and that the temperature is falling and there is an ice storm coming. You are in the house with your sick spouse and child, what are you going to do?"

P1 "I am going to see the lords of the land to see if I can get some help, we get in the car and drive to see them."

DM "You cannot. You don't have enough gas to reach them, your insurance is not current, and even if you did have gas you (rolls an 8 sided die) are now too weak to safely make it. Your husband is getting weaker and needs his meds."

P2 "we still have some gold left, we will use that for gas so that we may find help!"

P4, player 4 "Ok, sorry I was late getting here. I am friends with the lord of the lands, I need some help in my quest too!"

DM "Roll a 20 sided die, nice to see you made it back to the game!"

P4 "I got a 3. I hope that is not bad, I just want to be here to help the other players!"

DM "The lords of the land see your worth and reward you with 20 million gold pieces so that you can remove those pesky Kobold workers who want too much money. You are now able to help your fellow players."

P4 "I close my company here and move my company to Axelia - this will help those people live a better life and then they will be able to spend money here and help out others in a few generations!"

DM "umm, ok. What about the players here today with you? P1 and P2 are in dire needs, they cannot get the spell components they need and will soon fall into ruin, hunger, and homelessness!"

P4 "I let them know that we have already saved them by stopping the evil Iraqians from invading and killing them and that if I don't make more profit then their grandchildren could maybe suffer. They have to roll for themselves and try harder, I did it, they can too!"

DM "You feel something, you are not sure what but it is dark and foreboding, P4 - roll a die 8."

P4 "A 1! What does that mean??"

DM "Your company was caught cheating and stealing, your fortune will disappear in 3 rounds. Sorry."

P4 "Look, I just rolled an 7! I need help, if I go under my boats and homes could sell for less!"

DM "The lords of the lands have found a way to help. They have cut the gold to P1 and P2 and others and will loan it to you for .0001%"

P4 "Whew, so glad I was able to get me some help. Now I can loan that money to P1 for 150% interest and help them, if they roll a 20 on a die 20 6 times and can prove to me that they won't make mistakes, and have a perfect credit score. I have no problem helping them, together we can win!"

P1 and P2 "We grab P4 and throw him into a pit....."

P4 "WHAT? How you can be so ungrateful???"
 

Translation

I need money.  Please send some.  I will pay it forward when I get back on my feet.

[GOBUCKS]

TL/DR, but obviously a huge whiiiiine.

My candidate for Broken Elbow, strutting his stuff.

[Mr Mannn]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2432474

Translation

I need money.  Please send some.  I will pay it forward. I will NEVER pay you back, but I will guilt you until you cough up.

Fixed it for you. This IS a Dummie after all. They don't pay debts.

[Evil_Conservative]

Loser.

[Chris_]

"the lords of the land"

With that kind of attitude, I'm surprised he can't keep a job.

[DumbAss Tanker]

P5, Lord of the Land:  Ha!  All your home are belong to us!  YOU FAIL!  For great justice, you leave now.

[Gina]

Someone needs to get laid, REALLY BAD. 

[Chris_]

Someone needs to get laid, REALLY BAD. 

Naw, he just needs to get a ****ing job.

[67 Rover]

WTF was that?  Is he in a dungeon or playing a video game?

[DefiantSix]

WTF was that?  Is he in a dungeon or playing a video game?

Yes.

[USA4ME]

Sometimes you need to roll a 20, but you only roll a 12.  Life can be that way sometimes.

The test is how you approach adversities in life, something the Straight Story primitive doesn't know where to begin.

.

[Airwolf]

If it was me and the guys in my unit from Korea playing this we would just invade and take over. We were rather fond of taking over places and getting it on with a little of the old UV during our games. Lots of A Clockwork Orange and other  movie referances abounded during the games.