Official Nomination Thread for the Top DUmmies of 2011 (closed)

[AprilRazz]

I know it may be a little late this year but I am wondering if a new award could be offered? While reading and having a good chuckle at the posts that stand alone thread and there are some real gems in there.
Could we have an award for the single post that best defines skins island? This would allow some of the less prolific primitives the chance at some glory.
A small example from the babbling sister primitive.

babylonsister   (1000+ posts)             Sun Jul-24-11 08:08 PM
Original message
Cell phone question...
  
just bought a cheapie Samsung because my cell phone died, apparently from humidity and sweat. I bought it in December 2010 and AT&T will not honor the warranty.

Anyhow, there's a film over the main window that displays "Texting and driving...it can wait" and obscures the window. Any ideas on how to get rid of that short of getting a straight razor and getting it off that way? It's driving me crazy and I can't see what I'm doing.

Thanks for any input.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x1566557
Or my personal favorite.

ItNerd4life (1000+ posts)      Thu Jul-28-11 01:24 PM
Response to Original message
89. This is just sick, and for people to support it? Thanks for making DU
 look like we're deranged.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x1592143

[franksolich]

Also, somewhere in the Top Twenty for DUmmie of the Year--maybe not in the Top Ten this year, but perhaps in the pool of nominees for the Top Twenty--should be the usual suspects, those longtime standbys of the DUmp not nominated yet:  CaliforniaPeggy, WilliamPitt, Raven, Kentuck, the list goes on and on.

Are any of those nominations, sir?

Your nomination of the CalPig primitive has been duly noted, and she's now on the ballot.

Revolution nominated the Bostonian Drunkard, and he's on the ballot, although I forgot to include him in my last list.  But the Bostonian Drunkard is there.

I see Carl downthread has nominated the bluegrass primitive, "Kentuck."

But as for the mother of the Bostonian Drunkard unless yours is a nomination, she remains unnominated.

Skinner, EarlG, Elad--are they eligible for anything?

Yes, they are, for any of the top primitive spots and the special awards excepting of course the newbie.

[franksolich]

Is that a nomination for Mineral Man for top primitive, or just a suggestion someone nominate him?

Sid Dithers has been one of my favorites this year, for sure! He has been following Know-it-all Nadin around, from thread to thread, always giving her a hard time, always doing it with style and wit! I love it! He must be #1 on her iggy list. And so I nominate Sid Dithers for the DOTY. Hmm, I wonder if he's a . . . LOUSY FREEPER TROLL???

Duly noted, and he's now on the ballot.

The dithering primitive's the one who made that statement last September that surely must justify the existence of the DUmpster and decent and civilized people who mock the primitives.

On a thread about a certain religious denomination (Christian of course), the dithering primitive said, ".....if you don't want people laughing at your beliefs, don't have such funny beliefs....."

I'm going to throw that out the next time a primitive whines about us laughing at them; after all, it was one of their own who said it.

Oh, and I STRONGLY favor Nads for Top Primitive. I know some of you want to go against the obvious choice, but come on, really! She's way over the top, yes, and annoyingly so. But also comically so, and that's what makes her our Nadin! IMHO, the All-knowing One has been the stand-out, break-out star this year, certainly on the DUmmie FUnnies.

It's okay; I just have that anti-nadin avatar at the moment because the stomach was still having problems with my having dined upon traditional Thanksgiving fare at noon yesterday, and then a whole large double-pepperoni pizza about five hours later.

The calories were probably elephantine, but I don't have a problem with calories at the moment, in fact quite the opposite.

But trust me, turkey and pepperoni don't get along.

nadin's credentials as a "historian" are shit.

She seems to take the view that all things move left, over a long period of time, when anyone competent in history knows that all things move all directions all over the place over a long period of time.

She's convinced the "revolution"'s not over yet, that there's more to cover, going left.

nadin's revolution is over, and withering away; the revolution's now in the other direction.

She's like a horse, or rather an ass, with a blinder over the right eye, seeing only out of the left eye.

Contrary to her pretensions, nadin's not very smart.

But anyway, I haven't decided not to vote for nadin for top primitive; it's all still very much in the air; I simply invented the avatar as a public service for the anti-nadinites.

[franksolich]

I am going to throw sub atomic in for whatever he is eligible for. He is making a late run it seems.

The sub atomic primitive is eligible for top primitive, the Willie, the newbie, the broken elbow, and the golden bouncy.

Also the calpig for the Willie as well. She sure did give me the willies with this post.

The CalPig primitive, who's been nominated for top primitive, is now also nominated for the Willie.

[Charles Henrickson]

frank, is it appropriate to nominate someone for DOTY whom we don't think should be "It," but should appear somewhere in the Top Twenty? If so, then I think Raven, aka Mother Pitt, should be nominated. I don't think she belongs in the Top Five, maybe not in the Top Ten, but I do think she could sneak her way into the Top Twenty.

Now of the Troika of the U.S.S.D., I nominate two of the Big Three for the Willie: your fellow alum, Skinner himself, and his Mini-Me, DUAC EarlG. (I am not nominating Elad, since he doesn't do much except shuffle the electrons.)

VOTE NADIN

[franksolich]

I offer in NOMINATION for the AWARD called the GOLDEN BOUNCY, CALI, the bitter old vermontese primitive.

Noted.  The bitter old Vermontese cali primitive for the golden bouncy.

[franksolich]

For DUmmy of the year...Kentuck,it makes the average DUmbass look smart.

For the Willie...Alan Grayson,only at the DUmp can a lunatic that lost his Congressional seat by a landslide in his first reelection bid be worshipped as a Presidential shoe in.

For newbie... socialist_n_TN,another pie in the sky Utopian fool.

Okay, the bluegrass primitive on the ballot for top primitive of 2011.

And the disgraced former congressman for the Willie.

And Tucker's favorite, the madman down in Tennessee for the newbie.

[franksolich]

I know it may be a little late this year but I am wondering if a new award could be offered? While reading and having a good chuckle at the posts that stand alone thread and there are some real gems in there.

Could we have an award for the single post that best defines skins island? This would allow some of the less prolific primitives the chance at some glory.

Sorry, madam, but it's too late to add awards.

Probably next year this'll be possible, provided it's decided to discontinue one of the other special awards.

Notice, please, no "Annie" this year; the Annie was discontinued in favor of the newbie because last year, the first and only year the Annie was offered, there seemed to be too much confusion about the standards for the Annie.

Right now, it appears the broken elbow and the golden bouncy are on the ropes, as some nominations for those don't seem to make sense, at least to me.  The broken elbow's for the biggest whiner, and the golden bouncy's for the best bouncy.

[BattleHymn]

Chan790 for run-of-the-mill Top DUmmies.  Chan is sort of a marathon poster.  Once he gets going in a thread, the stupid just keeps getting piled on thicker and thicker.  Two great examples:


http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,63258.0.html  "Today, I was fired. Ask me anything about banking!"

Chan790 Donating Member (1000+ posts)  Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list    Tue Aug-16-11 06:52 PM
Original message
Today, I was fired. Ask me anything about banking!
  
I can't say I didn't have it coming, but I think it was an idiotic move on their part since I know their dirty secrets and how they're screwing their clients. I'm squealing like a pig and snitching on their asses.

 



http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php?topic=63259.0       "DUmmies describe their dream jobs"

Chan790 Donating Member (1000+ posts)  Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list    Wed Aug-17-11 05:11 PM
Original message
Describe your dream job.
  
Edited on Wed Aug-17-11 05:13 PM by Chan790
I was just thinking about this, now that I am unemployed, I can in-theory do anything I want as a career. My world is wide open. And yet, my dream job is:

*Strictly 9-5.
*Provides a clear work/life divide.
*Pays a moderate-low amount of money, say $30K, with little or no chance of significant raise or promotion.
*White-collar
*Not client-facing.

Beyond that, I don't really think I have any great career aspirations. I just want to work, get paid, not have quotas to meet, go home, leave all my work @ work and live my life. I want to be a paper-pusher. Really. I want Peter's job from Office Space except I'm not showing up on weekends either.

Chan790, Cubicle Rat ISO Cage.

[franksolich]

frank, is it appropriate to nominate someone for DOTY whom we don't think should be "It," but should appear somewhere in the Top Twenty? If so, then I think Raven, aka Mother Pitt, should be nominated. I don't think she belongs in the Top Five, maybe not in the Top Ten, but I do think she could sneak her way into the Top Twenty.

Yes, of course, sir.

There's twenty top primitives, and the Bostonian Drunkard's mother surely belongs at least somewhere in the bottom half of the top twenty.  If one wishes, go ahead and nominate her.

Now of the Troika of the U.S.S.D., I nominate two of the Big Three for the Willie: your fellow alum, Skinner himself, and his Mini-Me, DUAC EarlG. (I am not nominating Elad, since he doesn't do much except shuffle the electrons.)

The nomination made, and accepted, although I'm going to amend it, adding the elusive enigmatic Elad to it, because I had planned to nominate the Big Three from the beginning.

This issue came up last year, as it presents an unusual situation for franksolich, who has to write the awards.

"Unusual situation" does not mean "can't be handled," though.

Given the old school tie that binds, the award for my fellow alum Skins would necessarily have to be highly complimentary, as we don't say anything bad about each other.  In fact, Skins and franksolich don't even know anything bad about each other, and if we did, neither of us would believe it.

The elusive enigmatic Elad makes a slippery eel look as if a barnacle, he's so elusive.  I'd be hard-pressed to give him more than half a paragraph, for what I know of him.

Only Lord Marblehead EarlG could possibly get the full treatment from franksolich.

So this nomination presents some problems, but not unsurmountable ones.

[franksolich]

Your nomination of Chan790 duly noted; he's on the ballot for top primitivity.

[BattleHymn]

I'd also like to nominate the grasswire primitive, for all of the idiotic pie shop stupidity from this year.  I found the "opening the pie shop" thread, but I can't find the one where she offered to make poor people pay more for their pies than union members, teachers, and other high society.  

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,56842.0/   Grasswire opens a pie shop


[edited to add thread that frank's post below jogged my memory on the title]

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,60698.5  Grasswire chokes on a magnesium pill and promotes pie-buying class warfare

[franksolich]

I'd also like to nominate the grasswire primitive, for all of the idiotic pie shop stupidity from this year.  I found the "opening the pie shop" thread, but I can't find the one where she offered to make poor people pay more for their pies than union members, teachers, and other high society.

Your nomination of the grasswire primitive, puttering around Milwaukie, Oregon wearing six layers of winter coats even in the heat of summer, dragging a child's toy red wagon behind her, is noted; she's on the ballot.

As to your query, it's here, and you don't need to look for it.  It was a thread where the grasswire primitive needed to take magnesium pills, or something like that, and evolved into directions and areas far afield, concerning the town where the grasswire primitive lives, including that newspaper article about her.

[JakeStyle]

Here are mine (ty whiffleball, I borrowed your format):

Newbie = Snoutport. although I always believed he was a sockpuppet of a previously banned DUmmie, so not technically a newb.

Golden Bong = Sarah Ibuprophen; boyfriend bouncy.

Broken Elbow = Omaha Steve, biggest whiner on the inner-webs.

DOTY = nadin

[franksolich]

Broken Elbow = Omaha Steve, biggest whiner on the inner-webs.

My fellow Nebraskan's no stoic, that's for sure.

I'm torn three ways, between Omaha's Ed Norton and Oscar Wilde and the hypochondrial primitive "mopinko," for this specific award, given the primitive voted the biggest whiner on Skins's island.

Every time I read Oscar Wilde, the large-proboscised primitive "Cyrano," I get this impression I'm "hearing" a constant sort-of-serrated twanging nasal hum (sorry; that's the best I can describe it).

And the hypochondrial primitive "mopinko" always always always whines about the failure of modern medicine and technology to cure her pains, many of which appear to be illusionary.  But the last straw, for me, was when she got all upset and bent out of shape because her husband told her therapist that "mopinko" was a remarkable woman.  She was upset because he'd told her therapist that, but never told her that.

Whoa.  That's one thing I could never understand about women; they prefer words over deeds.

"mopinko"'s been married a very long time now, to a man dedicated to working hard and long to keep her housed, fed, and clothed, and to allow her to indulge in what she calls her "art," but which aesthetes call something quite different.  The guy busts his ass to keep her comfortable and happy, and she doesn't see that.

I suppose if he didn't do a damned thing for her, gave her nothing, but uttered empty words, "mopinko"'d be happy.

That's always thrown me for a loop, when women are that way; they want "words" of love, not acts of love.

Damn.

Omaha Steve, I have a grudge against, because he's nothing more than a con-man trying to get something for nothing, a "victim" of ethnicity despite his heavily-Polish or -Irish descent--he's after all only 1/64th Native American, and looks more Caucasian than franksolich, the other 63/64ths of him.  He makes people from Nebraska look bad, always trying to get things for free.

[CC27]

I would like to nominate farleftfist for newbie.

Top DUmmie i'm not sure yet.

[RWKindaGuy]

Newbie = WhiteWolf.

Broken Elbow = Sub-Atomic

DOTY = Nadinthebrain

[franksolich]

This morning, I'm making a nomination I didn't expect to make, that of Pedro Picasso, the Atman primitive, for top primitive of 2011.

Pedro Picasso's been really lacklustre all year long, hardly putting out because his employers don't like him hanging around Skins's island lest one of their potential clients hear about it.

His employers are a mass-mailing company for Democrat candidates.

And Pedro Picasso's no ordinary primitive; he's a few tens of IQ points below the average IQ of primitives.  It's like having an unhousebroken retarded kid running around a nice clean house.

But his recent wondering about work camps made up for his lack of presence during the rest of the year; a classic case of Pedro Picasso's rampant paranoia.

[Carl]

Your thread today Frank reminds me to nominate the dude (Stinky) for the Broken Elbow.
Having been denied DOTY so many times and seeing it slip from his withered grasp again this year has left him constantly fussing to the admins at the DUmp about his treatment in the cesspool.

[franksolich]

Your thread today Frank reminds me to nominate the dude (Stinky) for the Broken Elbow.
Having been denied DOTY so many times and seeing it slip from his withered grasp again this year has left him constantly fussing to the admins at the DUmp about his treatment in the cesspool.

I forgot all about the sparkling husband dude, how much he's always whining.

I guess I got enured to it, used to it, because s-o-o-o-o many primitives whine.

Okay, the sparkling husband dude's on the ballot for the broken elbow.

[franksolich]

I have to make this nomination before I forget to; in past years, I've meant to, but forgot.

The anti-gun-nut the iverglas primitive for top primitive.

The iverglas primitive, allegedly an attorney in Canada, hangs around the firearms forum on Skins's island.

For the record, franksolich does not own a firearm, wouldn't know how to use a firearm if it came with instructions.

On the other hand, franksolich is a stalwart defender of the Second Amendment.  Probably even more fiercely so than even many who own, and use, firearms (because the issue's much bigger than just guns, and franksolich looks at the big picture, not the little picture).

But this nomination has nothing to do with the iverglas primitive's anti-gun-nuttery.

It has to do with the iverglas primitive being a constant trouble-maker in a forum on Skins's island where she really doesn't belong.  She hangs around there only, simply, purely, to irritate the gun-owning primitives, no other reason.

She just wants to be a bitch, and shit her bitchery somewhere.

I've used before the example of if there were a fishing forum here on conservativecave.

franksolich doesn't care for fishing, wouldn't waste a minute of his time fishing.

HOWEVER, a great many people get a great deal of fulfillment and happiness out of fishing, and so more power to those who like fishing. 

Just because franksolich doesn't like fishing doesn't mean it's wrong or stupid or a waste of time.

For franksolich it would be, but for those who like it, it most emphatically isn't.

Now, if there were a fishing forum here, and franksolich habituated it just to cause trouble and disruption, as the iverglas primitive does in the firearms forum on Skins's island, franksolich should be banned without further ado.  Hell, I'd even be the one to ban myself, if I dared be rude and bad-mannered like the wretched miserable bitch the iverglas primitive.

[compaqxp]

I want to nominate Tavener (spelling?), but I'm not sure for what. I missed these when I first came here some this is new

I guess it'll have to be for doty.

[BattleHymn]

Is it considered kosher to nominate a primitive who probably isn't a primitive, but mocks them right under their noses?  I know Adbot has been nominated and ended up in the Top 20 in the past, but I wanted to check before nominating a real living, breathing "primitive". 

[formerlurker]

Your nominations duly noted, sir, but nadin's not eligible for the newbie award, having been around Skins's island before 2011, and a few times before November 2010, her campfires were featured here.  Of course, since November 2010, she's pretty much dominated the DUmpster, for better or for worse.

I'm seriously considering voting for the sparkling husband primitive this year; I didn't last year, because the sparkling husband dude by then had developed this most annoying habit where he was respectful of other members here, but always cursorily dismissed franksolich with a wave of the hand.

The sparkling husband primitive's prejudiced against deaf people; doesn't like them, thinks we should stay in our place, mute and unheard.

I'm nominating my fellow Nebraskan, Omaha's Ed Norton, Omaha Steve, for top primitive.

Many here see Omaha's Ed Norton as a blue-collar union worker, or a candidate for the city council in Bellevue, Nebraska, or as being 1/64th derived from Native American blood (overlooking the 63/64th part of him that's Polish or Irish), or as a freeloader wanting other people to give him things, or as a rabid promoter of socialism, or as a fan of the Green Bay Packers, or as a [Star] Trekkie.

Omaha Steve and franksolich are Nebraskans, and Nebraska being a pretty small state, we sort of kind of in a vague way know of each other in real life.

Omaha's Ed Norton is, if nothing else, a con man, a scammer, looking for the easy buck.

One noticed this right away in his breathless announcement he was running for city council in Bellevue, one of the reddest cities in Nebraska; about the first thing he mentioned was that he was settling up an account to accept campaign donations.  Nothing about what he planned to do, if elected, for the good people of his city, only about that he'd be accepting campaign donations.

I know what was running through my fellow Nebraskan's mind--he'd take all this cash given him by the primitives, consult a national schedule of Star Trek conventions, register for those located in blue cities where there might be some Democrat event going on about the same time, and voila! he and Marta would get to hang around with Trekkies, even buying some stuff.  All on other people's dimes.

Never wants to pay his own way through life, Omaha Steve. 

Nadin and Omaha Steve for top primitives, although I strongly believe that Nadin is a mole (and I have an even stronger suspicion that it is a poster from here). 

I will probably vote for Omaha Steve, and with the election season about to heat up for him I see him being a top contender for 2012 also.   

[formerlurker]

Wait a minute -- who is the vermont poster who lost her job because she complained about wealthy customers who are always late?    She definitely needs to be recognized for something, and that something should be the award that brought the most attention to the DU.   

That was a delicious story for the ages.   I will remember that will a chuckle for many years to come.