Thanksgiving Humor

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An Ode To Thanksgiving

 
T'was The Night Of Thanksgiving,
But I Just Couldn't Sleep.
I Tried Counting Backwards,
I Tried Counting Sheep.

The Leftovers Beckoned -
The Dark Meat And White,
But I Fought The Temptation
With All Of My Might.

Tossing And Turning
With Anticipation,
The Thought Of A Snack
Became Infatuation.

So, I Raced To The Kitchen,
Flung Open The Door,
And Gazed At The Fridge,
Full Of Goodies Galore.

Gobbled Up Turkey
And Buttered Potatoes,
Pickles And Carrots,
Beans And Tomatoes.

I Felt Myself Swelling
So Plump And So Round,
'Til All Of A Sudden,
I Rose Off The Ground.

I Crashed Through The Ceiling,
Floating Into The Sky,
With A Mouthful Of Pudding
And A Handful Of Pie.

But, I Managed To Yell
As I Soared Past The Trees....
”Happy Eating To All –
Pass The Cranberries, Please!”

May Your Stuffing Be Tasty,
May Your Turkey Be Plump.
May Your Potatoes 'N Gravy
Have Nary A Lump.

May Your Yams Be Delicious.
May Your Pies Take The Prize,
May Your Thanksgiving Dinner Stay
Off Of Your Thighs.

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HOW TO COOK A TURKEY

1.   Go buy a turkey.
2.   Take a drink of whiskey.
3.   Put the turkey in the oven.
4.   Take 2 more drinks of whiskey.
5.   Set the oven to 375^o.
6.   Take another drink of whiskey.
7.   Turn the oven on.
8.   Have 4 more shots of whiskey.
9.   Turk the bastey.
10.   Whiskey another bottle of get.
11.   Stick a turkey in the thermometer.
12.   Glass yourself another pour of whiskey.
13.   Bake the whiskey for 4 hours.
14.   Take the oven out of the turkey.
15.   Floor the turkey on the drop.
16.   Have another shot of whiskey.
17.   Turk up the pickey flom the froor.
18.   Turk the carvey.
19.   Open another bottle of whiskey.
20.   Tet the shable and pour yourshelf a glassh of turkey.
21.   Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

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Thanksgiving dinner ala Redneck style...

Caramelized Muskrat On a Plank
Serves 4

1 fresh muskrat (road kill)
1 Hickory plank (slightly larger than the muskrat)
1 tbsp cooking oil
1 tsp salt
2 green onions
1 dash pepper
1 tbsp fish sauce

Skin the muskrat and discard the skin (can be saved and tanned for leather).

Nail the muskrat to the hickory plank, carefully stretching it out.

Mince the green onion.

Heat the oil in a 2-quart pot, then add the onion and the remaining ingredients.

Sauté, stirring constantly until the sauce is done (about 5 mins).

Place planked muskrat in a large pot, add 4 cups of water and simmer uncovered on medium heat for one hour.

Add the fish sauce and continue to simmer for one more hour. Most of the water will be absorbed by the muskrat, and the remainder will be slightly thick. Be careful not to burn it.

Remove the muskrat from the pot carefully. Separate the muskrat from the plank, and place the meat to one side.

Pour the sauce from the pot over the plank. Totally discard the muskrat and eat the plank.

Serve hot as a main dish with lots of rice.

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The things people say on Thanksgiving...

1.  Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It's Cool Whip time!

4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

5. That's one terrific spread!

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.