Author Topic: Red Light Bouncy - Now With Chunky Swinging Crosses Mixed Right In! (Read 3327 times)

dandi · « **on:** October 17, 2011, 09:18:05 PM »

Mm-mm good.

Quote

Pacifist Patriot (1000+ posts) Mon Oct-17-11 09:11 PM
Original message
So I'm exiting the highway and the traffic signal is red at the end of the ramp.
A man who could have been anywhere from 30-50 was standing on the corner in 85 degree heat holding a sign that said, "just hungry." I rolled down my window, beckoned him over and gave him the three dollars I had on me. He smiled and said, "God bless you" and the light turned green.

I turned left under the overpass where it's two lanes headed west. The car that had been behind me on the exit ramp pulls up on my left as we stop at the next set of lights. The woman waves over at me so I rolled down my window assuming she was going to either ask for directions or ask if I'll let her over into my lane so she can take a right soon.

She started screaming, "What the hell do you think you're doing?! You realize he's just going to go get drunk or high, right? That's all we need is more bums on that corner!"

I was planning on ignoring her and rolling my window back up but then noticed the big chunky cross swinging from the rear view mirror.

I smiled sweetly and said, "What am I doing? I'm sitting here thanking Jesus I have the good fortune to have a few bucks in my wallet so I could help out one of God's children in need. What have you done in the Lord's name today?"

Okay, this was NOT my finest hour...considering I'm a non-theist. And no, I do not think all Christians behave as this woman did. Not remotely. But if she's going to advertise herself as a Christian with a public display of her faith and have the gall to lecture me against charity? I'm going to call her on it. I felt a wee bit less guilty when she squealed out of there and I saw the Catholic Radio station bumper sticker on the back of her car (a decidedly conservative station), the Choose Life license plate, and the Mario Rubio campaign sticker in the window.

Anyone surprised she was driving a Mercedes 550?

Okay, now that I've probably irritated enough people with generalizations I'll just say I'm so weary, so very very weary with respect to a lack of compassion. So yes, I'm lashing out at this one woman, but no, I'm not assuming anything about Christians in general or Mercedes drivers. Bleached blondes with bad face lifts? Yeah okay, I'll be harsh there.

I really hope the 99% movement continues to raise awareness with respect to human dignity. Thanks for humoring my rant.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2136828

If only the homeless guy had been there to applaud you. As it is, no conversions, no tears from the Merc driver, no cops in the bushes, not even a Toyota salesman.

Five bongs. It's the best i can do.

Freeper · « **Reply #1 on:** October 17, 2011, 09:23:04 PM »

Mario Rubio?Is he Marco's brother and what office is he running for?

BattleHymn · « **Reply #2 on:** October 17, 2011, 09:26:46 PM »

Two bongs. One bong for starting out with "So," (which some of the newer Bounciteers are forgetting to use), and another bong for at least sticking some new material in there.

Freeper · « **Reply #3 on:** October 17, 2011, 09:27:57 PM »

Quote

Raine Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Mon Oct-17-11 09:38 PM
Response to Original message
21. It's none of her business what you do with YOUR money

whether the fellow uses the money for food or for alcohol or drugs ... IT'S NONE OF HER BUSINESS ... IT'S WAS -YOUR- MONEY! One time I gave money to a panhandler and a bystander said "you know what they're going to use that money for don't you bla bla bla?" I said "well it's their money now so if they use it for alcohol, cigarettes or drugs, THEY made the choice of forgoing food." The person was outside the market so I gave them the benefit of a doubt and assumed they used it for food. Whatever ... after I gave it to them it was THEIRS.

Yet it is your business what rich people do with their money.

So far they are all eating this up faster than they can eat the rich.

JohnnyReb · « **Reply #4 on:** October 17, 2011, 10:34:19 PM »

Poor dude, begging in 85 degree heat....hell man, most of my living was made working in 100+ degree heat...even the beggers are getting soft in America.

GOBUCKS · « **Reply #5 on:** October 17, 2011, 10:40:35 PM »

So

She started screaming

big chunky cross

I smiled sweetly

I'm a non-theist

she squealed out of there

Catholic Radio station bumper sticker

Choose Life license plate

Mario[sic] Rubio campaign sticker

she was driving a Mercedes 550

How often does a DUmpmonkey spend enough time preparing his bouncy to include this many standard elements?
I'm sure this heretofore unknown unterprimitiven spent days fine tuning this effort.
Had he spent a few extra minutes nadining Rubio, it could have been a three-bong bouncy.

Bodadh · « **Reply #6 on:** October 17, 2011, 10:46:49 PM »

I was leaving the plasma bank a few weeks ago and a homeless guy was standing at the light. I rolled down the window and told him if he needs some money he could go to plasma center that we could see from where we were. He didn't seem interested. He asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one. I did all I could do. ( The money was put on a pre paid Visa debit card so I had no cash to give.)

ChuckJ · « **Reply #7 on:** October 17, 2011, 11:34:03 PM »

Other than the "So" there are several things in this story that would lead one to believe that it is a fabrication.

The first is that the DUmmie gave someone some money. The DUmmies are all for taking money. Not so much for giving it.

The second is that the man said, "God bless you" which resulted in no outrage by the DUmmie. In real life most DUmmies go into an anti-God tirade at just the mention of God.

The third is that the DUmmie smiled sweetly. Most DUmmies find it difficult to smile sweetly due to their forked tongues and permanent scowls.

The fourth is that the DUmmie claimed he/she/it thanked Jesus. As with God, in real life most DUmmies would go into an anti-Jesus tirade at just the mention of Jesus. Or would at least rant about their made up idea that Jesus was a socialist.

Evil_Conservative · « **Reply #8 on:** October 18, 2011, 12:26:35 AM »

Quote from: Freeper on October 17, 2011, 09:23:04 PM

Mario Rubio?Is he Marco's brother and what office is he running for?

I was picturing a Mario Kart bumper sticker for some reason.

BattleHymn · « **Reply #9 on:** October 18, 2011, 01:00:20 AM »

Quote from: Evil_Conservative on October 18, 2011, 12:26:35 AM

I was picturing a Mario Kart bumper sticker for some reason.

I think you're on to something. Since all DUmmies share at least a few qualities with Wario (obese, sweaty, shiftless, conniving, red nosed and rubber faced), I could see how they could hold a grudge against a one Mario Rubio; the more attractive, intelligent and successful counterpart to themselves.

diesel driver · « **Reply #10 on:** October 18, 2011, 03:27:34 AM »

Quote from: ChuckJ on October 17, 2011, 11:34:03 PM

Other than the "So" there are several things in this story that would lead one to believe that it is a fabrication.

The first is that the DUmmie gave someone some money. The DUmmies are all for taking money. Not so much for giving it.

The second is that the man said, "God bless you" which resulted in no outrage by the DUmmie. In real life most DUmmies go into an anti-God tirade at just the mention of God.

The third is that the DUmmie smiled sweetly. Most DUmmies find it difficult to smile sweetly due to their forked tongues and permanent scowls.

The fourth is that the DUmmie claimed he/she/it thanked Jesus. As with God, in real life most DUmmies would go into an anti-Jesus tirade at just the mention of Jesus. Or would at least rant about their made up idea that Jesus was a socialist.

I think it was the fact DUmmies have little or no teeth from the heavy meth and other drug usage, not to mention severe lack of personal hygiene.

But remember, "It's All Bush's Fault^tm"

MrsSmith · « **Reply #11 on:** October 18, 2011, 05:34:03 AM »

Quote from: ChuckJ on October 17, 2011, 11:34:03 PM

Other than the "So" there are several things in this story that would lead one to believe that it is a fabrication.

The first is that the DUmmie gave someone some money. The DUmmies are all for taking money. Not so much for giving it.

The second is that the man said, "God bless you" which resulted in no outrage by the DUmmie. In real life most DUmmies go into an anti-God tirade at just the mention of God.

The third is that the DUmmie smiled sweetly. Most DUmmies find it difficult to smile sweetly due to their forked tongues and permanent scowls.

The fourth is that the DUmmie claimed he/she/it thanked Jesus. As with God, in real life most DUmmies would go into an anti-Jesus tirade at just the mention of Jesus. Or would at least rant about their made up idea that Jesus was a socialist.

Yep. If this had really happened, Pacifist Patriot would have launched a foul-mouth rant at the homeless person.

What probably did happen was that PP was approached for a donation, refused to donate, and was blessed anyway. He then launched into a foul mouthed rant at the requester, but decided that the story looked a lot better if he instead said something smart to a fictional "rich person." Even the DUmp might have been less than supportive of his rant at some poor homeless person. (though they could just as well have decided that any homeless person that would actually say "God bless you" obviously deserved to be homeless for being a Christian.)

Tucker · « **Reply #12 on:** October 18, 2011, 06:08:26 AM »

Speaking of bums, wonder where Bobo is?

Karin · « **Reply #13 on:** October 18, 2011, 07:19:36 AM »

I thought for a minute that GOBUCKS was composing a Calpig poem. There was no aching or throbbing, though, so no dice.

H5 to dandi for the hilarious headline.

DumbAss Tanker · « **Reply #14 on:** October 18, 2011, 09:18:14 AM »

Quote from: dandi on October 17, 2011, 09:18:05 PM

Mm-mm good.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2136828

If only the homeless guy had been there to applaud you. As it is, no conversions, no tears from the Merc driver, no cops in the bushes, not even a Toyota salesman.

Five bongs. It's the best i can do.

No conversion. No bushes. No cop. No accolades from onlookers. Yes, even five bongs might be a bit high. You're a generous judge of bouncies.

movie buff · « **Reply #15 on:** October 19, 2011, 09:09:52 AM »

Quote from: dandi on October 17, 2011, 09:18:05 PM

Mm-mm good.

If only the homeless guy had been there to applaud you. As it is, no conversions, no tears from the Merc driver, no cops in the bushes, not even a Toyota salesman.

Five bongs. It's the best i can do.

Come on, you can be more generous than that:
1. It starts with "So"
2. Cars are involved.
3. Homeless person is involved.
4. Heartless fundy for a villain.
5. Evil fundy in question has bumper sticker advertising conservative candidate.
6. Evil fundy in question apparently listens to conservative radio station.
7. Evil fundy flees when confronted with DUmmy hero's rebuttal.
That's gotta be worth a good 7 bongs.

blitzkrieg_17 · « **Reply #16 on:** October 19, 2011, 10:02:49 AM »

Zero bongs. Most bouncies at least try to sound believable, but not this one. So, zero.

BattleHymn · « **Reply #17 on:** October 19, 2011, 05:24:49 PM »

The awarding of bongs- Is there any sort of established criterion for the number, or does everyone just sort of feel out the story, and award as they see fit?

franksolich · « **Reply #18 on:** October 19, 2011, 05:32:16 PM »

Quote from: BattleHymn on October 19, 2011, 05:24:49 PM

The awarding of bongs- Is there any sort of established criterion for the number, or does everyone just sort of feel out the story, and award as they see fit?

It's individual judgement, which of course significantly varies.

Me, I'd put this in the negative bongs zone somewhere.

Someone's just practicing for Creative Writing 100.

Habsfan · « **Reply #19 on:** October 19, 2011, 05:33:25 PM »

DUmmies mistake Catholics for fundamentalist Christians. There are Catholics and then there are CHRISTIANS. DUmmies can't tell the difference between the two.

One group is more easy-going, live and let-live, and the other is more strict and fundamental in their beliefs. They are totally unable to see the difference. They just hate anything Christian.

Freeper · « **Reply #20 on:** October 19, 2011, 05:48:49 PM »

Quote from: BattleHymn on October 19, 2011, 05:24:49 PM

The awarding of bongs- Is there any sort of established criterion for the number, or does everyone just sort of feel out the story, and award as they see fit?

You are free to award bongs on any criteria you choose, as long as you use a Diebold machine to add them up.

JohnnyReb · « **Reply #21 on:** October 19, 2011, 05:52:37 PM »

Listen DUmmie, if the cross isn't at least 16' tall, wrapped in rags and soaked in gas and kerosine, don't worry about, it will do you no harm....unless you're a blood sucker which you probably are.

Tess Anderson · « **Reply #22 on:** October 19, 2011, 05:57:16 PM »

This is the same nitwit that said her four sons were playing socialist Momopoly. Her stories bounce a lot to me.

BattleHymn · « **Reply #23 on:** October 19, 2011, 06:50:56 PM »

Quote from: franksolich on October 19, 2011, 05:32:16 PM

It's individual judgement, which of course significantly varies.

Me, I'd put this in the negative bongs zone somewhere.

Someone's just practicing for Creative Writing 100.

OK, that's what I thought, but I wanted to make sure.

I also asked for the benefit of any lurking primitives, who may have been wondering the same question, but were too afraid to create an account and ask. This means that the primitives, if they are paying attention to what certain CCers are looking for, can really rack up some serious bongage from some of us.

Duke Nukum · « **Reply #24 on:** October 19, 2011, 08:14:05 PM »

Quote from: GOBUCKS on October 17, 2011, 10:40:35 PM

So

She started screaming

big chunky cross

I smiled sweetly

I'm a non-theist

she squealed out of there

Catholic Radio station bumper sticker

Choose Life license plate

Mario[sic] Rubio campaign sticker

she was driving a Mercedes 550

How often does a DUmpmonkey spend enough time preparing his bouncy to include this many standard elements?
I'm sure this heretofore unknown unterprimitiven spent days fine tuning this effort.
Had he spent a few extra minutes nadining Rubio, it could have been a three-bong bouncy.

You know, that is a good question. I think I will attempt to create a bouncy and see how many days, just driving to and from work, it takes to get all these details.

I'm guessing, over three or four days, some event will coalesce disparate elements into one story.

News:

Author Topic: Red Light Bouncy - Now With Chunky Swinging Crosses Mixed Right In! (Read 3327 times)