Author Topic: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)  (Read 5813 times)

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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #25 on: September 12, 2011, 06:34:42 AM »
Guys, guys! Remember this is a DUmmy. Chances are good he NEVER bought a worm farm. That's just the story he tells people when they complain about the big stinking pile of trash in his back yard.

...and baby red wigglers are 1/2 inch long, plump white things ...right?
“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #26 on: September 12, 2011, 09:02:10 AM »
I hear you can use an extension cord with the end cut off and a few inches of wire bared for this.

 :-)

 :-)

Actually I had a similar additional suggestion concerning using line (Or mains if you prefer) power which I edited out before posting that, in the interests of not using up all my evil quota at once.


 
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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #27 on: September 12, 2011, 09:08:04 AM »
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Oh I love that episode!
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Offline Erasmus

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #28 on: September 12, 2011, 09:08:49 AM »
I know where some fire-ant farms are I would sell him cheap.

Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #29 on: September 12, 2011, 11:10:02 AM »
I know where some fire-ant farms are I would sell him cheap.

I'm running a special this week only, all the fire ants you want for a $1.99. Next week I go back to the usual price, free to any takers.
“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline zeitgeist

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #30 on: September 12, 2011, 11:53:58 AM »
I'm running a special this week only, all the fire ants you want for a $1.99. Next week I go back to the usual price, free to any takers.
I once scored a reading comprehension question on fire ants.  It was actually a pretty interesting reading selection.  Might have been for the MCAS,  I did a lot of their contracts years ago.   Never knew of them before that. :fuelfire:
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Offline Erasmus

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #31 on: September 12, 2011, 12:53:55 PM »
I once scored a reading comprehension question on fire ants.  It was actually a pretty interesting reading selection.  Might have been for the MCAS,  I did a lot of their contracts years ago.   Never knew of them before that. :fuelfire:

That's the less painful way to learn about them, lol.   Try going and stepping in a mound in tall grass that you didn't see.  Fastest I've ever come out of my clothes, including my wedding night.

Offline FiddyBeowulf

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #32 on: September 12, 2011, 01:21:23 PM »
I think the DUmmie found out there is going to be stim-u-less dollars in the Obama jobs bill for farmers and small business owners. He is just trying to cash in on both.
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Offline Wineslob

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #33 on: September 12, 2011, 02:03:11 PM »
Well hell, I thought one of the DUmmies bought the worm farm.



Dammit.    :mad:
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Offline Erasmus

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #34 on: September 12, 2011, 02:13:40 PM »
I wonder how many new jobs this worm farm will create.  They can probably fill out some forms and get grants and a tax credit under Obama's new Jobs Act.

Offline zeitgeist

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #35 on: September 12, 2011, 07:07:37 PM »
I wonder how many new jobs this worm farm will create.  They can probably fill out some forms and get grants and a tax credit under Obama's new Jobs Act.

I want a job not rasing hogs....

Quote
TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C
 
Dear Sir,
 
 I have been evacuated from New Orleans because the flood took my old trailer and beat up car. I thought I might go into business to supplement my welfare check.
 
 My friend over at Wells, Iowa received a check for $1,000 from the Government for not raising hogs.  Right now I'm getting extra help from the government and Red Cross while I'm displaced but when that stops I want to go into the "not-raising-hogs" business.
 
 What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the  best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is  the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with  all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed  not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.  As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.
 
 My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs. If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.
 
 Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will  not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that  you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat.  Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?
 
 Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that too. In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.
 
 Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.
 
Patriotically Yours,
Ima Taker
 
PS. please notify me when you are giving out more free cheese.


 :lol:
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #36 on: September 13, 2011, 05:06:18 AM »
I want a job not rasing hogs....

 :lol:

 :lmao: 30 years ago daddy sold all his cows and let 2 young fellows plow up the pastures and start farming his land. After a few years they put it in some kind of government program of "not farming". Daddy passed on and I got the place. I rent it to 2 others fellows now to grow hay on...they continued the "not farming" program and basically the government(you taxpayers) are paying the rent. Now the government wants to know what they aren't farming and no one seems to remember what they ain't farming..... :rotf: 
“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline vesta111

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #37 on: September 13, 2011, 07:51:28 AM »
:lmao: 30 years ago daddy sold all his cows and let 2 young fellows plow up the pastures and start farming his land. After a few years they put it in some kind of government program of "not farming". Daddy passed on and I got the place. I rent it to 2 others fellows now to grow hay on...they continued the "not farming" program and basically the government(you taxpayers) are paying the rent. Now the government wants to know what they aren't farming and no one seems to remember what they ain't farming..... :rotf: 

Worm farming can be big business if done properly.  Check out the price of worm casings for fertilizer at feed and grain stores.

Start slow, get an acre of land, rent a bulldozer and have them plow down about 3-4 feet, cover the bottom and sides with an inch of cement, lay screening material over PVC pipes that will drain off the worm pee into large 50 gallon drums. replace the soil from the dig out, add perhaps a few buckets of red worms and cover with a tarp.   Head to the nearest beauty salon, barber  or pet grooming shops and buy from them for 10 cents a pound all the hair clippings.  Offer the neighbors to pick up their grass and lawn clippings for free.    Offer the local news paper office to take unsold news papers off their hands.

Place all this on top of the dirt or mixed in if you wish, then walk away for a year or so. When the weather gets very hot a canope over the tarp will help, when the ground is cold, and extra tarp may be needed.

Check the urine barrels every month and drain off the liquid gold to be bottled and sold for $ 5.00 per 6 oz. undiluted.

Now head out and rent a few dozen acres of scrub land, worthless area.  Dig up all the dirt and worms and mix it into the soil on the land.   Now you can charge people $50.00 per 100 sq foot to plant comunity gardens, the plants will thrive the land will blossom and people will have food.

One can reserve one acre to replace the dirt in the farm, the cost of a few buckets of worms and their food and start over again.

Google worm farms, one can build it your self with a big trash can that can be kept in the laundry room. it will need a screen in the bottom and a outlet for the liquid gold, one can feed the suckers anything but meat, news papers, pet hair or even dump the bucket from the vacuum cleaner in it.  All one needs to do is to keep it ventelated and a small amount of water for the winter and come spring mix the soil and worms into a garden spot. The urine diluted with water for both inside and outside plants cause amazing growth.

Wonderful answer to no chemical farming and a way to cut down on the garbage and trash that is over coming us. 




Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #38 on: September 13, 2011, 03:04:28 PM »
Lazy morons...

Use a worm turner* right after a good rain or a garden hose. You'll get more worms than you could ever use, provided your ground is fertile.

*(at least that's what we called it - a hand held electrical generator - jam two metal stakes in the ground, connect the power leads and crank it up. The slight current sends the worms straight to the surface. Then you can just pick them up. Oh and primitives.. Wear rubber boots should you decide to try this)

Down south here we eliminated the middle man....just throw the leads in the water ....crank the old phone a bit.....pickup fish and go home.

For some reason the game commission used to frown on that kind of fishing.
“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

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Offline ChuckJ

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #40 on: September 13, 2011, 03:08:36 PM »
Down south here we eliminated the middle man....just throw the leads in the water ....crank the old phone a bit.....pickup fish and go home.

For some reason the game commission used to frown on that kind of fishing.

Every Sunday afternoon everyone in the neighborhood would meet at the nearby cross roads and country store to compare their weekend catches. Everyone had normal size fish except this one old farmer who had always brought in huge fish. The game warden heard about this and showed up one Sunday afternoon. After inspecting the old farmers fish, he turned to the farmer and said "If you don't show me your fishing spot , I'm going to have to close you down." The farmer replied by telling him to come out to the farm in the morning and he would take him fishing. The next morning the game warden shows up with his pole and the farmer tells him to climb onto the tractor. They head out into this big field until they come to a little pond. The warden is scratching his head because all he sees is a rotten old skiff, when he expected a large lake and something closer to a yacht. The farmer said to get in and they start rowing out to the middle. About this time the warden notices that there are no fishing poles. As he is about to say something, the farmer reaches into a box and pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it into the pond. After the water and smoke settle, he paddles around picking up the fish. The warden's jaw is on the deck. He can't talk for a minute. When he finds his voice, he starts in on the farmer about how he can't believe what just happened and starts screaming to the farmer about all the regulations he has broken. While this is taking place the farmer calmly reaches into the box grabs another stick of dynamite, lights it, hands it to the warden and asks him if he is going to fish or talk.
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Offline Rebel

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #41 on: September 13, 2011, 03:13:18 PM »
Every Sunday afternoon everyone in the neighborhood would meet at the nearby cross roads and country store to compare their weekend catches. Everyone had normal size fish except this one old farmer who had always brought in huge fish. The game warden heard about this and showed up one Sunday afternoon. After inspecting the old farmers fish, he turned to the farmer and said "If you don't show me your fishing spot , I'm going to have to close you down." The farmer replied by telling him to come out to the farm in the morning and he would take him fishing. The next morning the game warden shows up with his pole and the farmer tells him to climb onto the tractor. They head out into this big field until they come to a little pond. The warden is scratching his head because all he sees is a rotten old skiff, when he expected a large lake and something closer to a yacht. The farmer said to get in and they start rowing out to the middle. About this time the warden notices that there are no fishing poles. As he is about to say something, the farmer reaches into a box and pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it into the pond. After the water and smoke settle, he paddles around picking up the fish. The warden's jaw is on the deck. He can't talk for a minute. When he finds his voice, he starts in on the farmer about how he can't believe what just happened and starts screaming to the farmer about all the regulations he has broken. While this is taking place the farmer calmly reaches into the box grabs another stick of dynamite, lights it, hands it to the warden and asks him if he is going to fish or talk.

 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #42 on: September 13, 2011, 03:42:38 PM »
 :lmao: at the dynamite fishing.

True story

First fellow asks second fellow where he has been. The second fellow says, "Buying some fish." First fellows asks, "How much did you pay for them?" Second fellow says, "About $25 a pound." First fellow says, "Good God almighty man! What kind of fish did you buy?" Second fellow says, "White suckers." First fellow says, "Good gracious man! This time of the year all you have to do is slip down to the creek and set a few gill nets. Catch all the white suckers you could want in just a few minutes for free." Second fellow says, "Not if the game warden catches you...they're about $25 a pound."   
“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #43 on: September 13, 2011, 03:56:30 PM »
irst fellow asks second fellow where he has been. The second fellow says, "Buying some fish." First fellows asks, "How much did you pay for them?" Second fellow says, "About $25 a pound." First fellow says, "Good God almighty man! What kind of fish did you buy?" Second fellow says, "White suckers." First fellow says, "Good gracious man! This time of the year all you have to do is slip down to the creek and set a few gill nets. Catch all the white suckers you could want in just a few minutes for free." Second fellow says, "Not if the game warden catches you...they're about $25 a pound." 

 :lmao: :rotf: :lmao: :rotf: :lmao: :rotf:

H5 as well!
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #44 on: September 13, 2011, 04:36:48 PM »
Another true sucker story.

White Suckers...they spawn in early spring kind of like salmon. They come up the rivers and creeks until they get to whereever they are going...slam to the mountains. They are an extremely boney fish but good eating if you know how to prepare them. Must be a thousand little hair fine bones in them. And it is illegal to impede there progression up the streams with nets...especially gill nets.

Here goes...it was a Saturday in late February of 1980. I was building a 10 acre pond in a swamp near Little Lynches River. I was way back off the highway more or less in the middle of no where. 3 ole farm boys came by on the field road and stopped to watch awhile. They looked like they wanted to talk, so I took a little break and we talked. They told me they headed down to the river to set some gill nets to catch some fish for a fish fry they had planned for that night. At that time I didn't know that thhe gill nets were illegal.

They weren't gone long and they were back watching me run a buldozer. I stopped to chat and see how the fishing went. I asked how many fish they had caught. None was the answer. Me being my nosey self asked them why they were back so soon if they didn't have any fish. One of them started laughing. The other two didn't think it was funny.

Laughing man started telling how they went down to the river (more like a wide creek) and set 4 brand new high dollar gill nets. When they got the last one set and climbed out of the cold water on to the bank, a game warden told them, "OK boys, you can take them out now and roll 'em up. I'm taking the nets with me and if you don't have a $100 apiece in cash on you right now....you can come with me too."

I asked what they were going to do about the planned fish fry and one of the grumpy ones said, "I think it's been canceled."
“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline Doubleplusungood

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Re: "I bought a worm farm yesterday" (XemaSab)
« Reply #45 on: September 14, 2011, 09:35:45 AM »
This thread reminded me of an ironically titled movie "Dumb & Dumber", although in this case it is more appropriately "DUmb & DUmber":

I GOT WORMS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBrCaVySmDU

Sometimes the world just writes the jokes for you.  :rofl: