« previous next »
Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: Things you oughtn't say, but do  (Read 1915 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 23565
  • Reputation: +2482/-270
  • Voted Rookie-of-the-Year, 3 years running
Things you oughtn't say, but do
« on: August 03, 2011, 06:39:09 PM »
"You look just like my ex...

...so I guess I know what you look like naked."
Logged
According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."

Offline NHSparky

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24431
  • Reputation: +1280/-617
  • Where are you going? I was gonna make espresso!
Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2011, 08:24:06 AM »
No, your ASS makes your ass look fat.

Here Officer, hold my beer while I get my license--wait, how'd that weed get in there?

Yes, honey, I really did get you a pony.  It's in the freezer.

You give shitty directions and you couldn't run pantyhose, boss.
Logged
“Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian.”  -Henry Ford

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 23565
  • Reputation: +2482/-270
  • Voted Rookie-of-the-Year, 3 years running
Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2011, 09:18:02 AM »
INTERLOCUTOR: Why do weapons always look like phallic symbols? Swords, spears, guns, artillery. They always look like penises.

ME: Because if they were shaped like vaginas they'd just lay there and expect you to do all the work.
Logged
According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."

Offline CG6468

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 11493
  • Reputation: +540/-210
Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2011, 09:28:18 AM »
For a fat girl, you don't sweat much.
Logged
Illinois, south of the gun controllers in Chi town

Offline DumbAss Tanker

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 28493
  • Reputation: +1710/-151
Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2011, 09:35:39 AM »
"When is the baby due?" - and then it eventuates that the other party isn't pregnant.
Logged
Go and tell the Spartans, O traveler passing by
That here, obedient to their law, we lie.

Anything worth shooting once is worth shooting at least twice.

Offline debk

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12473
  • Reputation: +467/-58
Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2011, 09:38:31 AM »
Quote from: DumbAss Tanker on August 04, 2011, 09:35:39 AM
"When is the baby due?" - and then it eventuates that the other party isn't pregnant.


I learned the hard way to never, ever ask that question!  :thatsright:
Logged
Just hand over the chocolate...back away slowly...far away....and you won't get hurt....

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate.

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already." – Dave Barry

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.

Offline CG6468

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 11493
  • Reputation: +540/-210
Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2011, 09:48:10 AM »
Quote from: DumbAss Tanker on August 04, 2011, 09:35:39 AM
"When is the baby due?" - and then it eventuates that the other party isn't pregnant.

I came close to doing that once. She was a devout Catholic in a Catholic family. But I backed off - thank God!
Logged
Illinois, south of the gun controllers in Chi town

Offline NHSparky

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24431
  • Reputation: +1280/-617
  • Where are you going? I was gonna make espresso!
Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2011, 10:23:45 AM »
Sorry, did you say my eyes were reddened like I've been drinking too much, Officer?  Well, your eyes are glazed like you've eaten too many goddammed donuts!

The stork?  No, you were left here by gypsies.  Now if they'll just take you back.

Damn you can sure (list ex's habit here.) ===> Guilty, and I'll burn in hell for it.  Double points if you name ex.

Who's the father?

I know you got fired, but you're still welcome to come to the company party.
Logged
“Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian.”  -Henry Ford

Offline Wineslob

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 14480
  • Reputation: +816/-193
  • Sucking the life out of Liberty
Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #8 on: August 04, 2011, 10:26:17 AM »
Do what you want with the girl, but leave me alone!*















ripped off from the late George Carlin.
Logged
“The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn't want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.”

        -- Marcus Tullius Cicero, 55 BC (106-43 BC)

The unobtainable is unknown at Zombo.com



"Practice random violence and senseless acts of brutality"

If you want a gender neutral bathroom, go pee in the forest.

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 23565
  • Reputation: +2482/-270
  • Voted Rookie-of-the-Year, 3 years running
Re: Things you oughtn't say, but do
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2011, 03:17:15 PM »
Now that you're here I guess we have everything we need...except the penicillin shot.
Logged
According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."
Pages: [1]   Go Up
« previous next »