Author Topic: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...  (Read 10479 times)

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Offline ExGeeEye

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So...when we got married three and a half years ago, friends of my wife gave us a very nice propane grill.  With no tank. 

It has taken me until today to get a tank, and I in fact got two of them.  Up next, learning how to cook stuff.

I'd like to start easy.  Hamburgers and small steaks.

I have no idea how.

Between the BS's and denigrations of my manhood, if y'all would pass along such information as cooking times and how to keep the meat from becoming suitable as brake shoes or shingles.

Thanks to all!
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Offline FreeBorn

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2011, 12:35:41 AM »
You are about to embark on a very rewarding facet of your life, XGI. Grilling is awesomeness. To grill is to be awesome. Master it and you shall have droves of drooling devotees upon their knees before you for you are the man. Nay, you are the Alpha Pack Leader!

So, you're going with gas. That's fine. Gas grills are easy to use and convenient. You will love it once you've fired it up a few times and feasted upon the fruits of your toils as you get in touch with your inner Neanderthal. First a couple of tips, get a quality set of grilling implements and be sure to keep the grill away from the house if your out on a deck, etc. Sounds like a no-brainer but I've seen bad things first hand.

A buddy of mine runs a landscaping business. A few years ago one of his entire crews walked out on him, just quit en masse. He was in a pinch to fulfill contracts so I put in a few weekends with him as a mower jockey until he found replacements. This was in the Burbs, mostly cul de sac/ McMansion territory. Presumably these homeowners are fairly well off and successful people with degrees. I saw at least half a dozen instances of the huge deck on the back of the house overlooking the inground pool and of course the obligatory $1500 Cadillac of gas grills there gleaming in all of its stainless glory but now moved away from the back wall of the house where it melted an 8 ft wide by 5 ft high patch of vinyl siding. That is beyond ugly to see and beyond bone headed. But I digress.

First off just get some meat and go at it. I don't care what it is just do it. Jump right in with both feet like you know what you are doing. In time you will become the master, grasshopper, able to time everything so it all arrives on the table for your guests simultaneously and prepared to perfection. Books help. Books help a lot. I'll recommend a good one but there are a lot out there. Hit the library and see what they have. Lots of dvd's available too, and youtube is there to surf. You will be branching out beyond dogs & burgers in no time once you begin to get the feel of it and explore stuff like beer can chicken (awesome) and even different types of fish, fillets in foil, salmon steaks, etc. the sky's the limit but don't start with $75 worth of Delmonico steaks your first time at bat. Another tip, that BBQ sauce that everyone likes to smother their stuff with, don't. It's highly sugar based and mostly burns off anyway so just brush it on as you get toward the end. No matter how much you slather on there it's not penetrating anyway. For chicken marinades (overnight in a container in the fridge) I like Chiavtta's and State Fair. I use one of those giant hypodermic needles to inject the pieces and then immerse them in the big square plastic tub in the fridge to soak overnight. You can easily substitute the veggie rotter drawer for that, works a charm. Good luck man!

Here's my favorite book because well, it's my only grilling book but it's a good one~
(Foreword by Al Roker so it's gotta be good!)

WEBER'S BIG BOOK OF GRILLING
by Jamie Purviance and Sandra S. McRae
Chronicle books
ISBN 0-8118-3197-3 PN#62542
416 pages


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Offline Eupher

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2011, 08:41:35 AM »
Can't fault FB at all for what he's put out there, but I'll offer a few things:

First, there's two basic types of grilling meat - direct heat and indirect heat. You'll use direct heat for steaks, burgers, brats, stuff that grills relatively quickly. For larger, less tender cuts of meat such as roasts and thick chops, ribs, and similar things, indirect heat works best. By this I meant you'll turn on your gas grill at a reduced heat level on the sides of your grill, and put your meat in the center, roasting slowly. Rotisseries work well for this type of cooking, but they're usually optional equipment that you have to buy.

Seasonings work in somewhat the same fashion - you've got dry rubs (good for chicken, pork, ribs, etc.) and the so-called wet sauces, which are mostly bbq sweet or vinegar-based.

Sugar burns when exposed to high heat, so you have to be judicious about how much you're using in your sauce and how often it's applied to the meat during grilling. For that reason you generally apply bbq sauce to grilled meats like ribs and chicken toward the end of the grilling process.

Some people like to par-boil the less tender cuts before grilling, but I forego that and would rather roast in the oven, covered in foil and seasoned well rather than boil/simmer. I think the water removes too much flavor (fat) in the process.

Books will have a lot of recipes and techniques that you can use for other foods such as vegetables, fruit, and even fish/seafood

Good luck!
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Offline CG6468

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2011, 09:40:56 AM »
If you'll use it on a wooden deck, put a pan, or even a piece of cardboard, under it to prevent any fat from dripping down and staining the deck. It does happen.
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Offline Wineslob

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2011, 10:02:10 AM »
You have a long road ahead of you, weedhopper.
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Offline WinOne4TheGipper

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2011, 11:20:40 AM »
Shhhhh.  I gave you a high 5.
“Sometimes the curses of the godless sound better than the hallelujahs of the pious.”

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Offline Rugnuts

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2011, 12:29:43 PM »
with propane, there is a tendency to cook at too high of a temperature. keep the temp down and cook slower.
well done on the outside and rare on the inside does not count as medium.

Offline Thor

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2011, 12:32:21 PM »
One of my most favorite seasonings (for just about every meat for me) is Famous Dave's Steak & Burger Seasoning. I use it on steaks, burger, chicken, pork chops and even as part of the rub mixture for my briskets. You won't find it at Walmart, but places like Krogers carries it now. You can also order it online.

http://www.famousbbqstore.com/12665.html

They also carry a chicken seasoning, but I don't care for the taste. I use the steak seasoning and add my own extra spices for chicken.

I also like to do chuck roasts on the grill. I start by searing both sides and getting some nice caramelization, then I switch to indirect heat for finishing (on the grill).

Also, I LOATHE, nay , I HATE those "flame tamer" (a metal piece over the gas flame tube, looks like this shape: ^) type propane grills that don't have briquettes or lava rock. I took my propane grill, removed the "flame tamers",  found a piece to hold some briquettes, cut  it to fit and then put those square flavored ceramic briquettes on it. It cooks quite nicely and the ceramic briquettes impart some flavor into the meats. Also, don't be afraid to throw some wood chunks in the flames. They'll be just fine as long as you clean your grill out annually or every couple of years.
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Offline Thor

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2011, 12:40:30 PM »
Also, I forgot to mention, keep a spray bottle of water nearby when grilling. If you DO get a flare up, those work nicely to knock them down.
"The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation."- IBID

I AM your General Ne'er Do Well, Troublemaker & All Around Meanie!!

"Congress has not unlimited powers to provide for the general welfare, but only those specifically enumerated."-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Chris_

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2011, 01:32:45 PM »
Keep a small container of cooking oil and a heavy-duty paper towel.  After your grill is hot, soak the towel in oil and brush down the grill before putting any meat on it.  You'll be glad you did.

Also, after you've used the grill and cleaned it, rub the grate with half a lemon after it's cooled off.  It will keep it from tarnishing between uses.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2011, 01:38:20 PM by chris_ »
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Chris_

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #10 on: August 01, 2011, 02:05:17 PM »
Get a good outdoor overhead light if you don't already have one.  There's no point in trying to cook the food if you can't see it.  I think my dad used to cook by the light on the front door.  No wonder the steaks were always burned.

Burgers are easy, especially those frozen ones... it's like making pancakes.  When the top of the patty starts to bleed, it's almost ready to flip.  If it's not bleeding, it's still raw in the middle.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2011, 02:10:07 PM by chris_ »
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline FreeBorn

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #11 on: August 01, 2011, 02:17:54 PM »
Oh ya, that. These yellow "bug lights" are great.



http://www.buylighting.com/Incandescent-Yellow-Bug-Lights-s/569.htm

I also use these around the perimeter of the back yard



Loaded with this citronella bug oil stuff



I like the Dietz hurricane lanterns a lot better than the tiki torches because they are easily adjustable to get the maximum amount of smoke (turn them up higher than normal) and they actually do throw some light too.


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Offline Wineslob

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #12 on: August 01, 2011, 04:32:19 PM »
Soon, Weedhopper will graduate to charcoal..........
















 :-)
“The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn't want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.”

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Offline ExGeeEye

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2011, 06:56:13 PM »
Soon, Weedhopper will graduate to charcoal.......... :-)
Been there, done that, got way over it.
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Offline Thor

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2011, 07:26:29 PM »
Charcoal takes too long to get ready and is pretty messy.  I'll stick with gas, TYVM.
"The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation."- IBID

I AM your General Ne'er Do Well, Troublemaker & All Around Meanie!!

"Congress has not unlimited powers to provide for the general welfare, but only those specifically enumerated."-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Chris_

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #15 on: August 01, 2011, 07:31:43 PM »
Charcoal takes too long to get ready and is pretty messy.  I'll stick with gas, TYVM.
1. Gloves
2. Charcoal chimney

Problem solved.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Thor

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #16 on: August 01, 2011, 09:10:45 PM »
1. Gloves
2. Charcoal chimney

Problem solved.

Turn on the gas, hit the igniter button....... ;)  Ready to grill in 10 mins.
"The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation."- IBID

I AM your General Ne'er Do Well, Troublemaker & All Around Meanie!!

"Congress has not unlimited powers to provide for the general welfare, but only those specifically enumerated."-Thomas Jefferson

Offline IassaFTots

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #17 on: August 01, 2011, 09:19:51 PM »
Charcoal takes too long to get ready and is pretty messy.  I'll stick with gas, TYVM.

Do you not have soap and water up north where you live????   :rofl:
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

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Offline Thor

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #18 on: August 01, 2011, 10:56:19 PM »
Do you not have soap and water up north where you live????   :rofl:

Ohhh, a real "commodian", huh?? I disdain getting dirty while cooking.
"The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation."- IBID

I AM your General Ne'er Do Well, Troublemaker & All Around Meanie!!

"Congress has not unlimited powers to provide for the general welfare, but only those specifically enumerated."-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Ralph Wiggum

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #19 on: August 02, 2011, 10:03:56 AM »
Do you not have soap and water up north where you live????   :rofl:

 :lmao:
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Offline Eupher

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #20 on: August 02, 2011, 03:30:34 PM »
I'm with Thor on the gas thing. Propane tends to have some water in it, but I ain't so much of an aficionado that I can't have a couple teensy drops of water with my brats, burgers, ribs, or veggies.

If it tastes charred, I'm happy.  :-)
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Offline longview

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #21 on: August 02, 2011, 08:31:04 PM »
I bought my first grill of any kind this year.  It's charcoal. 

I worried my first few meals to death, certain that there was a very small window for grilling perfection.  I'm a lot more relaxed now and have begun exploring marinades and rubs (to my friends' delight).

Offline IassaFTots

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #22 on: August 02, 2011, 09:33:10 PM »
Ohhh, a real "commodian", huh?? I disdain getting dirty while cooking.

1.  You handle the charcoal during prepping, not cooking.
2.  It ain't cooking, it is grilling.
3.  That is why you have blood-stained shop towels handy. 

 :hyper:
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Offline Thor

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #23 on: August 02, 2011, 09:39:36 PM »
1.  You handle the charcoal during prepping, not cooking.
2.  It ain't cooking, it is grilling.
3.  That is why you have blood-stained shop towels handy. 

 :hyper:

 :hammer: :hammer: :hammer: :hammer:

grilling is STILL cooking, darlin'..... ;)  And, yes, I still get dirty handling the charcoal during prep and I don't like it!!  Then there's the whole disposal of the ashes bullshit and clean up afterwards.
"The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation."- IBID

I AM your General Ne'er Do Well, Troublemaker & All Around Meanie!!

"Congress has not unlimited powers to provide for the general welfare, but only those specifically enumerated."-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Karin

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Re: In which I declare appalling ignorance, and risk my man card...
« Reply #24 on: August 03, 2011, 03:24:39 PM »
Tots, you're a good Texan...what would Hank Hill say?   :-)

The ashes are what I object to the most.  What a mess.  Something else to buy and lug into the house.  I'll stick with propane.