DUmmy rsmithnumbers Demonstrates Why DUmmies Stay Unemployed

[GOBUCKS]

DUmmy rsmithnumbers, who has contributed several good bouncy tales lately, comes back with a hilarious cover letter he claims for his wife's resume. She's allegedly looking for a job as a secretary, but the cover letter is so illiterate you would suspect it came from nutcase nadin.

rsmith6621 (1000+ posts)      Wed May-18-11 05:59 PM
Original message
My Wife's New Cover letter.
My wife has been unemployed for over a year. Her career path is as an administrative assistant/data entry. She has gotten tired of the politics and games in getting an employer to look at her resume and to give her a response even after having a professional assist her with her resume, so she has come up with the following cover letter that is straight to the point and honest....

Dear Recruiter,

I am a middle age grandma who was displaced by my previous employer over a year ago. I have kept up a diligent effort to find new work from day one with only a few employers looking at my resume and others I doubt have looked at it all,I have interviewed and weeks later been told I am not qualified for the position I applied for that is if they respond at all.

My resume demonstrates that I have the qualities and qualifications that your posting has asked candidates to have,I know others may meet this standard as well. So why should you offer me the job?, I am someone who will be at work everyday on time,in fact I'll be 15 minutes early. I will give you 9 hours work for 8 hours pay. I will not play inter office games and I will mind my own business when it is not business related. I will also not be sizing people up based on their image,I accept people as they are. My biggest strength is that I will follow through to the best of my ability so that both the company and customer have an outcome that is beneficial to both parties.

So now you know who I am and what to expect from me. I just need to get back to work so I can assist in changing at least one life,that being my granddaughter.

Sincerely,

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x1129392
Please don't try to critique the letter. Its general tone is awful, the grammar is terrible,  and the punctuation is reminiscent of Pam Dawson or UGP on a bad day.


The DUmpmonkeys are unanimous in their horrified reaction to this amazing cover letter. That in itself made me think I had misjudged somehow, so I went back and reread, but, sure enough, this is one of those rare cases where the DUmp consensus is accurate:

Brickbat  (1000+ posts)      Wed May-18-11 06:01 PM
Response to Original message
2. A little advice from someone who has read a lot of these.
Spell everything correctly (there are several spelling and grammar errors) and don't identify yourself as a grandma. Give specifics on what you do well. The last sentence makes it sound like you're desperate and you'll be more focused on your granddaughter than your job.

DUmmy rsmithnumbers is sure this terrible letter is the answer to long term unemployment. It is, if unemployment is the goal:

rsmith6621 (1000+ posts)      Wed May-18-11 06:07 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. Thanks but......
....she is tired of playing a game that is time consuming and likely is not even reviewed by most recruiters.... Her resume list her strengths and her quality's[sic] why does it need to be redundant???

We think most HR personal have serious social issues so they create all these hoops just so they can have some satisfaction of knowing they have some power.

With DUmmy rsmithnumbers helping with her resume, she'll have a lot of time for housework.

Maru Kitteh  (1000+ posts)        Wed May-18-11 06:05 PM
Response to Original message
3. No offense, but a professional should spell well, and a cover letter should have proper
punctuation and grammar - even one delivered tongue-in-cheek.

Reginald Fairfield (8 posts)      Wed May-18-11 06:07 PM
Response to Original message
5. When writing cover letters and resumes, always observe the official rules of grammar.

Are there unofficial rules? Is that where ebonics came from?
 
 

TBF  (1000+ posts)         Wed May-18-11 06:13 PM
Response to Original message
9. As a former recruiter I'd advise her not to do this -
particularly not with the grammatical and spelling errors, but even written perfectly I'd never respond to this and it's not because of her age.

 

ET Awful  (1000+ posts)         Wed May-18-11 06:19 PM
Response to Original message
15. There's nothing wrong with being honest, but if she's applying for an administrative assistant
position, she should be positive that there are NO grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors in the cover letter or the resume.

ohheckyeah  (1000+ posts)      Wed May-18-11 06:39 PM
Response to Original message
20. I hate to tell you
 but all that letter will accomplish is getting her resume thrown in the trash.

Please, take the advice in the thread and re-write the letter.

Something tells me a rewrite by rsmithnumbers will not be an improvement.
 

Yo_Mama (819 posts)      Wed May-18-11 07:12 PM
Response to Original message
25. You have got to fix this - it is too illiterate and it sounds too angry
The anger part is crucial, but errors like this in the letter are deadly. Also do not put the stuff about the grandchild in there. It's going to convey entirely the wrong impression.

 

Dreamer Tatum (1000+ posts)        Wed May-18-11 07:33 PM
Response to Original message
27. Do you expect that letter to get her an interview, much less hired?
It's combative. I'd toss it in the trash.

It's all Bush's fault.

[Karin]

     This is the kind of letter that I'd pass around the office just for yucks.  The first paragraph screams 

The rsmith family.  The most embarrassing couple residing at the DUmp.  This post of his met every one of my expectations.  I heartily voted for him for DOTY, and will do so again this year.  His bouncies make me cringe and blush, but I look forward to each and every one of them.  They're classic. 

[Ralph Wiggum]

Dear Recruiter,

I am a middle age grandma who was displaced by my previous employer over a year ago.

That cover letter & resume would find the circular file after the first sentence.

[NHSparky]

rsmith6621 (1000+ posts)      Wed May-18-11 06:07 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. Thanks but......
....she is tired of playing a game that is time consuming and likely is not even reviewed by most recruiters.... Her resume list her strengths and her quality's[sic] why does it need to be redundant???

We think most HR personal have serious social issues so they create all these hoops just so they can have some satisfaction of knowing they have some power.

Gee, I wonder why... 

And while HR is kind of a shit job in terms of pay versus authority, they still have to do THEIR jobs, which in this case consists of 1--separating wheat from chaff, 2--saving the REALLY bad ones to get a laugh out of later. 

You're applying for a position in administration and can't type, compose a proper sentence, or spell (or at least use a spell-checker?)  Better shift your focus to the fryolator.

[Ralph Wiggum]

We think most HR personal have serious social issues so they create all these hoops just so they can have some satisfaction of knowing they have some power.

Unlike TV shows such as "The Office", HR folks are very good people.  They have to dance a very tight legal line in their work is all.

[Karin]

We once had a guy list for a reference, his mom.  It was sweet and pathetic and laughable all at once.  Probably a DUmmie. 

[DumbAss Tanker]

Apparenly Mr. & Mrs. rsmith want to play out those unemployment benefits to the very end.

[Ralph Wiggum]

Apparenly Mr. & Mrs. rsmith want to play out those unemployment benefits to the very end.

With 0bama in office, unemployment benefits may NEVER end.

[Rebel]

With 0bama in office, unemployment benefits may NEVER end.

Oh, they'll end a'ight. As soon as we run out of money and China finally says ENOUGH. What we need to be doing is coming to the realization that we are broke, we just haven't filed yet. How do we want to do it? Better yet, what's the best way to do it? Declare on our own terms and start employing some fiscal sense? Or go bankrupt on China's terms, I.e. they just stop lending? I can tell you this, if they do that, and an administration like this wants to keep paying entitlements, they'll have to print 1.6 trillion PER year just to pay them and all the money the hard-working Americans make will essentially be worthless. At that point in time, the producers will f'n riot and won't give a rat's ass about the Hobos, Bobbos, and Tavernos.

[GOBUCKS]

Unlike TV shows such as "The Office", HR folks are very good people.  They have to dance a very tight legal line in their work is all.

Toby is the nicest guy in that bunch. In real life he has a piece of the show, which means he isn't taxed enough.

[I_B_Perky]

Oh, they'll end a'ight. As soon as we run out of money and China finally says ENOUGH. What we need to be doing is coming to the realization that we are broke, we just haven't filed yet. How do we want to do it? Better yet, what's the best way to do it? Declare on our own terms and start employing some fiscal sense? Or go bankrupt on China's terms, I.e. they just stop lending? I can tell you this, if they do that, and an administration like this wants to keep paying entitlements, they'll have to print 1.6 trillion PER year just to pay them and all the money the hard-working Americans make will essentially be worthless. At that point in time, the producers will f'n riot and won't give a rat's ass about the Hobos, Bobbos, and Tavernos.

Wait until the welfare checks quit coming. Then you will see some riots.

[Tucker]

rsmith6621 (1000+ posts)      Wed May-18-11 06:07 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. Thanks but......
....she is tired of playing a game that is time consuming and likely is not even reviewed by most recruiters.... Her resume list her strengths and her quality's[sic] why does it need to be redundant???

And the cover letter.

employer to look at her resume and to give her a response even after having a professional assist her with her resume

[USA4ME]

rsmith6621

Dear Recruiter,

So why should you offer me the job?, I am someone who will be at work everyday on time,in fact I'll be 15 minutes early. I will give you 9 hours work for 8 hours pay.

For example, if work starts at 8am and ends at 5pm (1 hour lunch), she'll be there at 7:45am and will stay until 5:45pm.  That's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time to have to spend with a moonbat.  I can see why they don't call her back.

.

[GOBUCKS]

For example, if work starts at 8am and ends at 5pm (1 hour lunch), she'll be there at 7:45am and will stay until 5:45pm.  That's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time to have to spend with a moonbat.  I can see why they don't call her back.

The funny thing is that this DUmp democrat thinks coming in a few minutes early and staying a few minutes over is a sign of exceptional dedication to the job.

[BEG]

Lisa0825   (1000+ posts)             Thu May-19-11 12:07 AM
Response to Reply #4
34. HR is mostly liberal, FYI.... including me, but thanks for the broadbrush :-|
   
And FWIW, typos, spelling, grammar, and punctuation indicate attention to detail.

Best of luck to her.... I mean that, even though you took a swipe at my profession.

 

[Chris_]

HR employees are the victims of liberal politicians and the rules they impose on businesses in this country.  Don't like it?  Tough shit, DUmmy.

[BEG]

Lisa is offended

Lisa0825   (1000+ posts)             Thu May-19-11 12:15 AM
Response to Reply #31
35. For goodness sakes, how many times do I see all HR called assholes at a so called liberal site?????
   
Edited on Thu May-19-11 12:16 AM by Lisa0825
There are HR people here aside from me! We like to help people! Don't insult us! I stopped going to the Careers forum because of the frequent disparaging comments. This is so ****ing disheartening! While studying for the PHR test, I was even told that most HR people are social liberals and when in doubt to choose your answer accordingly. We are not demons! Don't blame us for the job market!

[seahorse513]

I think after the words I am a grandma, i would have thrown it. IF she got the interview, the technicalities were over, and the recruiter was going to make conversation, asking her what she did in her spare time, then she can say,"I like to spend time with my grandchild"...STOP(actually I wouldn't even mention grandchildren or family life in a interview, myself,unless asked). Then list something else somewhat more industrious(Mason or a women's lioncub involvement)

[chitownchica]

Oh - this has me rolling!  I can't add much to what has already been said here, but dayum - this is sad and hilarious all mixed into one.  Companies are just lining up to hire bitter grandmas who make their cover letters sound like they are owed something.

There are plenty of websites that offer example cover letters. My advice to Mrs. rsmithnumbers is to copy and paste one and leave off any personalization.

[BEG]

Oh - this has me rolling!  I can't add much to what has already been said here, but dayum - this is sad and hilarious all mixed into one.  Companies are just lining up to hire bitter grandmas who make their cover letters sound like they are owed something.

There are plenty of websites that offer example cover letters. My advice to Mrs. rsmithnumbers is to copy and paste one and leave off any personalization.

Someone on DU rewrote a pretty good cover letter. It was dismissed by some as too stiff. At least the majority of people on DU old him the letter sucked.

[chitownchica]

Someone on DU rewrote a pretty good cover letter. It was dismissed by some as too stiff. At least the majority of people on DU old him the letter sucked.

I went over to the link and read. Normally I wouldn't tell a person to take a DUmmy's advice, but in this case I'll make an exception .

[Tucker]

rsmith6621

Dear Recruiter,

So why should you offer me the job?, I am someone who will be at work everyday on time,in fact I'll be 15 minutes early. I will give you 9 hours work for 8 hours pay.

Even though this is most likely a salary position, socialist/union members should jump on her for creating an unfair disadvantage for her would be co-workers. A fair days work for a fair days pay is against everything they stand for.

[thelaughingman]

Don't they have classes on how to put together resumes and write cover letters at workforce centers?

[chitownchica]

Don't they have classes on how to put together resumes and write cover letters at workforce centers?

We all know the DUmmies are too smart for that. 

[thelaughingman]

We all know the DUmmies are too smart for that. 

No shiznit.