Tavener is studying for a drug test.

[thundley4]

Taverner   (1000+ posts)             Mon May-16-11 12:50 PM
Original message
Help! Anyone here know how to pass a urine test?
   
Everyone's trying to sell the product out there, and from what I heard most solutions don't work

Does anyone have a sure fire way to beat a urine test? I've heard of the "fake penis" method and that seems like the most fool proof, but does anyone have experience doing this"?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x1112056

meegbear   (1000+ posts)               Mon May-16-11 12:51 PM
Response to Original message
1. Study. Study. Study.

The Velveteen Ocelot   (1000+ posts)             Mon May-16-11 12:52 PM
Response to Original message
3. Don't use drugs or alcohol before taking the test. Sure-fire win.

WingDinger   (1000+ posts)             Mon May-16-11 12:54 PM
Response to Reply #3
10. Bull, false positives do happen, and will follow you forever.

Bull.  If someone where I work gets popped and knows it is wrong.  They can pay for an immediate blood test to prove it.  If they are clean, the company will reimburse them for the blood test.

rfranklin   (1000+ posts)             Mon May-16-11 12:56 PM
Response to Reply #10
16. Lay off the poppy seed bagels...
   
I spent 5 years in Jamesburg because I stopped in Jersey Bagel Boy on the way to the test.

Uh-huh.

[IassaFTots]

This crap always cracks me up.  My company does randoms every month.  Every month we end up with someone testing positive for something.  I fail to understand why people take risks like that.  Stupid f'ers. 

And, the poppy seed bagel thing is a bunch of bs. 

[Rebel]

This is the idiot that can't hold down a job, right? Didn't he JUST get this job?

He's the type of fool that should be aborted as, with his mindset, he's ALWAYS going to be a parasite.

[Ralph Wiggum]

I hope Skinner is proud that his site is providing such valuable discourse such as how to pass a drug test.

[BlueStateSaint]

I hope Skinner is proud that his site is providing such valuable discourse such as how to pass a drug test.

Perhaps someone needs to inform Hannity, Rush, or Savage of this . . . 

[Jason]

This crap always cracks me up.  My company does randoms every month.  Every month we end up with someone testing positive for something.  I fail to understand why people take risks like that.  Stupid f'ers. 

And, the poppy seed bagel thing is a bunch of bs. 

Surprisingly, according to snopes its not bs.

http://www.snopes.com/medical/drugs/poppyseed.asp

[thundley4]

Surprisingly, according to snopes its not bs.

http://www.snopes.com/medical/drugs/poppyseed.asp

Mythbusters did a thing about poppy seeds and IIRC, you have to eat a  lot too test positive.

[IassaFTots]

Surprisingly, according to snopes its not bs.

http://www.snopes.com/medical/drugs/poppyseed.asp

I should have phrased that better, was in a hurry.  Regarding the poppy seeds, I have had people use that excuse when they tested positive for Marijuana, not Opiates.   

[DefiantSix]

I should have phrased that better, was in a hurry.  Regarding the poppy seeds, I have had people use that excuse when they tested positive for Marijuana, not Opiates.   

 

[Jason]

I should have phrased that better, was in a hurry.  Regarding the poppy seeds, I have had people use that excuse when they tested positive for Marijuana, not Opiates.   

You should then immediately ask them what their DUmp handle is.

[Ralph Wiggum]

This is the idiot that can't hold down a job, right? Didn't he JUST get this job?

I believe he did.  I'm also pretty sure Taverner bounces from meanial job to menial job, either being fired for incompetence or getting popped for a positive drug test.

[Ralph Wiggum]

87 freaking responses to that dreck of a thread.  A serious political discussion board indeed.

[Chris_]

If I was a DU mod, I would lock that thread.  Soliciting/dispensing medical advice is against their rules.

[IassaFTots]

The best one I ever got was when I terminated someone for testing postive for pot, and he asked me "Are you sure it wasn't bleach?"

I never did figure that out.  To be honest, I never took a science class in college, and the ones I took in HS, I barely remember, but I believe that the structure of marijuana and bleach are probably no where in the same boat.  

[zeitgeist]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x1112056

Bull.  If someone where I work gets popped and knows it is wrong.  They can pay for an immediate blood test to prove it.  If they are clean, the company will reimburse them for the blood test.

Uh-huh.

You beat me to it.  I was letting my trail cool a bit before posting here.   


An expert weighs in.

 Warpy  (1000+ posts)        Mon May-16-11 01:06 PM
Response to Reply #19
35. No, they ask for them after you fail the test
 All they want on the day of your test is your pee.

I was thinking it needs a Hiku but haven't come up with a HOW TO HIKU.  And what the heck is a "fake penis", or do I really want to know?  I though Tavener was a dude.

[Skul]

The Velveteen Ocelot   (1000+ posts)             Mon May-16-11 12:52 PM
Response to Original message
3. Don't use drugs or alcohol before taking the test. Sure-fire win.

Better make that months, before the test.
Like that would ever happen.

[Ralph Wiggum]

If I was a DU mod, I would lock that thread.  Soliciting/dispensing medical advice is against their rules.

I made a note in the DU mod forum.  

 

[DumbAss Tanker]

rfranklin   (1000+ posts)             Mon May-16-11 12:56 PM
Response to Reply #10
16. Lay off the poppy seed bagels...
   
I spent 5 years in Jamesburg because I stopped in Jersey Bagel Boy on the way to the test.

Even if you weren't a lying POS, you would've had to have been one bloated mofo from all the bagels that would take, and on top of that the only way that result could go down even then was that it bought you a parole violation, which means you were already a damn' convicted felon dirtbag.

[GOBUCKS]

DUmmy Dithers has the most relevant post:

SidDithers  (1000+ posts)        Mon May-16-11 12:58 PM
Response to Original message
22. K&R for any post with the phrase "fake penis" in it...

[Splashdown]

It must suck to go through life in fear of a urine test.

[RWKindaGuy]

This crap always cracks me up.  My company does randoms every month.  Every month we end up with someone testing positive for something.  I fail to understand why people take risks like that.  Stupid f'ers. 

And, the poppy seed bagel thing is a bunch of bs. 

Yep.  I get tested randomly as part of my job.  Bottom line.  Don't do drugs, no problem.  But if they ever test for caffeine, I'm so screwed. 

[Evil_Conservative]

Just when I thought they couldn't get any stupider.

[Ralph Wiggum]

Yep.  I get tested randomly as part of my job.  Bottom line.  Don't do drugs, no problem.

Same here, anyone in my company is subject to random drug testing.

And listen up, lurking DUmmies.  I've tried my share of drugs.  But there's a time and a place for that, and it's called college.

[Randy]

Same here, anyone in my company is subject to random drug testing.

And listen up, lurking DUmmies.  I've tried my share of drugs.  But there's a time and a place for that, and it's called college.

I didn't go to college but I did do some advanced studies. 
I grew up around 30 years old. You DUmmies should try it, it's never to late.

[Tucker]

I hope Skinner is proud that his site is providing such valuable discourse such as how to pass a drug test.

And how to cheat on social security disability, but that's another show, airing on a different channel.