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Offline bijou

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China's penis restaurant
« on: April 10, 2008, 04:23:42 PM »


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I’m visiting the Guo-li-zhuang restaurant, a specialist penis and testicle emporium that caters mainly to wealthy businessmen and Communist party officials (who, truth be told, are often one and the same).

It offers every conceivable John Thomas you could ever want, which probably isn’t very many. Nonetheless, the menu is both extensive and impressive.

...I ask a chef to show us the preparation of a penis first, so that I can get a feel for the process. He enters holding aloft an eye-wateringly large yak’s knob. It’s about 45cm long, but thin, so thin. It’s been boiled gently and - I can’t believe I’m writing this - peeled, except for a hunk of foreskin still clinging on to the end. He cuts the thing in half lengthways with a pair of scissors.

As he chops through the very tip of this impressive member, I feel an undeniable empathy twitch in my own penis and a bizarre feeling of nausea in my groin. (I didn’t think groins could experience nausea.) I can’t help yelping in sympathy. He then uses a knife to make hundreds of little snips along the side of the penis and chops the strips into 5cm pieces. When these are dropped into boiling stock, they curl up into little flower shapes that are so incongruous, I can barely believe my eyes.

I ask the chef if he thinks it strange to deal exclusively in genitalia, but he shrugs and doesn’t know what to say. He’s just happy to have a good job, really. His friends don’t take the mickey, his parents are proud of him and he does what he’s told. Okay.

... She seems pleased, and pours me some deer-penis juice, which I’m delighted to say is the vilest concoction I’ve ever had the privilege to imbibe. It’s as sour as a smacked lemon and as bitter as neat quinine. My face freezes in an agonising spasm, and Lord knows how I manage to keep from throwing up. Mr Hoo, the driver, asks if I want any more, and when I shake my spasming head, he grins and downs it in one. I pity Mrs Hoo - she’s going to have a busy night.

...
much more of this eyewatering stuff here
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Offline CactusCarlos

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Re: China's penis restaurant
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2008, 04:46:22 PM »
Dude.
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"The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism, but under the name of liberalism they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program until one day America will be a socialist nation without ever knowing how it happened."
  -- Norman Thomas, six-time Socialist Party presidential candidate and one of the founders of the ACLU

Offline Chris_

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Re: China's penis restaurant
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2008, 04:50:04 PM »
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If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: China's penis restaurant
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2008, 02:35:32 AM »
After reading that, it'll probably be about 3 days before I can find mine again.
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“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline Dixie*Darling

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Re: China's penis restaurant
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2008, 04:14:05 AM »
... a specialist penis and testicle emporium  ...
The Mustang Ranch in Vegas?

... show us the preparation of a penis ...
Slice and dice followed by suck and slurp?  Jeffrey Dahmer is that you?

... an eye-wateringly large .. knob ...
Did it poke you in the eye?

... peeled, except for a hunk of foreskin still clinging on to the end.
The Lorena Bobbit special?

... a bizarre feeling of nausea in my groin.
Sympathy pains?

... little snips .. of .. penis.. dropped into boiling stock ...
Who is it here that has a pic of his ol' lady lovin' her some spotted dick?
Here's a new recipe.

... deer-penis juice ...
How did you not know that was gonna be vile?


And I thought sushi was disgusting! 













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Offline Lord Undies

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Re: China's penis restaurant
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2008, 10:09:09 AM »
Wienerschnitzel
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