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Offline franksolich

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subway cat can't go on like this forever
« on: March 04, 2011, 11:24:39 AM »
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=276x11221

Oh my.

Quote
undergroundpanther  (1000+ posts)        Fri Feb-25-11 11:08 PM
THE SUBWAY CAT, #09 TOP PRIMITIVE OF 2010
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Ugh..

Well,My mental health is going to shit.I have gotten a new therapist psych and program. They are very different than most I have been to.There were actually 2 psychiatrists who actually wanted to work with me. All my life it felt as if the staff were drawing straws to see who'd get stuck with me.. when I went for help.But,despite this good change,I'm still so messed up.

I noticed a big uptick in my symptoms.Been depressed since the fiasco with alliance/Andrefski,having to kick jon out of my life,finding out my alliance therapist didn't know squat about treating trauma..I wonder if trauma works on you like repeated exposures to toxins..What this analogy is, you can only take so many "hits" against the body as in toxic exposures or poisoning,sickness until your body loses it's capacity to heal, or the cells in your body start manufacturing bad DNA. I wonder if a person has too many experiences that are traumatic,the mind begins to lose resilience and it cannot take much more stress until it disintegrates..

I wonder this because before I had some resilience,I could bounce back.But this time after going through this crap that was very painful,that basically tore my life apart,I'm not able to get it together again like I used to..for 6 months I have been unable to motivate myself,I've become a couch potato and I forget to eat,drink,I don't want to do anything,everything is grey.

I'm always tired but I can't sleep worth shit..Some times I am awake from 10 am,until noon the next day.The day passes into night, I notice it's 6 am the sun is up so I try to sleep.I get maybe 4 hours and I'm up again until the next day,late. I am dog tired and my body will not let me sleep.My sleep clock has become totally nocturnal again.

Yesterday? I think it was yesterday during group at the new place I go, I was not able to manage shit internally. This has gotten to be a really awkward and hard to cope with is,sue.Worse than I thought it was.I find I am switching out I am totally unaware of it ,and apparently it happens often. I used to be able to co- manage,to keep a track of incidents and stuff I have to do, but not anymore.

At the group during program, someone took over inside and said some suicidal stuff and I had no sense anything happened afterwards. As I got coffee to feel more alert to get through the rest of the day, suddenly a lady staff I did not know but apparently knew,the program director,asked to talk ,we went to another room and she asked about suicidalness.She had called my therapist and she joined in after a minute or so.. At first I had no clue why I was called in there. I was a bit uneasy,especially after being ****ed with by alliance. I asked them what was going on,than I could not hold presence. I found out what it was all about,from them.I apologized,and the memory was given to me after the fact.

It has been very hard trying to have any sort of continuity of time or memory.It has been so very exhausting..

The urges to cut are off the charts.I haven't done any art for months I have no inspiration,no desire to do anything.

Alot of weird shit is happening,inside me and I don't know what to do.I am so very tired.

I miss coming to DU and participating. But I just lurk and after awhile sometimes my body shuts down and I lay here awake but not feeling good at all.I have a new strange thing going on in my head.I have had tinnitus for years,it has always sounded the same.I got it from being too close to a lightening strike years ago(long story). Suddenly the tinnitus has become variable in it's pitch.It's annoying more because the tinnitus also has developed an acoustic quality to it that feels like motion , it pulses from one ear to the other ear.

In my head I feel like something is freaking out,clawing tearing,throwing itself around to get out it makes my head feel like I want to drill a hole in my skull to make it stop or to let it go.I noticed this change like 5 months ago, it wasn't so severe than and it didn't happen much than so I thought it was pressure changes,effects of allergies..but now this feeling and the dizzy pulsing happens like 75 or more times a day and it is worse. It has an electrical quality,and I tried to figure out what could be causing it but I have ran out of possible causes. It just is.

My hands have become clumsy I drop things alot.My neurotic fingernail biting has gotten so bad the skin is torn as far down as past the second joint.I have been using alot of band aids.

There is alot of thought bleed over between people inside ,I hear the others talking more than ever but it is just out of my range of hearing to understand what they're saying. So it gets very confusing.I have been very irritable at times too.

Even my meds have no effects on this.I wonder if this stuff going to get worse? Can it get better? How long?
It's torture

So I'm I wondering if my mind is damaged through traumas in such a way it can't repair itself now?

My eyelids are heavy it's becoming harder to type so I'll have to stop..I know even if I lay down I'll just lay there.Sleep has been very un-restorative.

Maybe I should ask my psych to send me to the inpatient dissociative unit,'cause I don't know what to do.I can't go on like this forever.

Anybody know why the subway cat kicked out her freeloading boyfriend?

There's some replies, but they're other primitives talking with each other, not with the subway cat.
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Offline ChuckJ

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2011, 11:27:17 AM »
Quote
My neurotic fingernail biting has gotten so bad the skin is torn as far down as past the second joint.I have been using alot of band aids.

Maybe it's just me, but if your skin is torn "as far down as past the second joint" you've gone beyond "fingernail biting" and are nearing the point of self-cannibalism.
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2011, 11:37:42 AM »
Quote from: ChuckJ on March 04, 2011, 11:27:17 AM
Maybe it's just me, but if your skin is torn "as far down as past the second joint" you've gone beyond "fingernail biting" and are nearing the point of self-cannibalism.

Tell me how this is a bad thing, Chuck . . .  :???:
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Offline dutch508

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2011, 11:51:19 AM »
You know....



when My dog wouldn't stop licking his wounds we put a big assed 'traffic cone' on his head.




...just saying.
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Offline NHSparky

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #4 on: March 04, 2011, 11:56:22 AM »
Quote
My mental health is going to shit.

You think you're a ****ing PANTHER, you're a cross-dresser, and God-only-knows what else.

I'd say your mental health went to shit a long, long time ago.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #5 on: March 04, 2011, 12:24:47 PM »
Who's paying for all this "therapy"?

Whoever it is, that's what I call a negative ROI.
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Offline Rebel

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #6 on: March 04, 2011, 12:26:30 PM »
That's the problem with this country. We used to lock these insane mofos into mental institutions. Half the DUmp would be there right now.
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #7 on: March 04, 2011, 12:30:46 PM »
Quote from: NHSparky on March 04, 2011, 11:56:22 AM
You think you're a ****ing PANTHER, you're a cross-dresser, and God-only-knows what else.

I'd say your mental health went to shit a long, long time ago.

 :lmao: :rotf: :lmao: :rotf: :lmao: :rotf:

H5s for you and Chris, with this to add for Chris' statement:  If electroshock was used, more volts need to be in the equation.  Then, some of the ROI would be the sheer entertainment of watching the DUmb**** writhe in agony. :zap:
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"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline NHSparky

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #8 on: March 04, 2011, 12:39:31 PM »
Quote from: Rebel on March 04, 2011, 12:26:30 PM
That's the problem with this country. We used to lock these insane mofos into mental institutions. Half the DUmp would be there right now.

Only half?  Nice to see you set the bar nice and low.
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #9 on: March 04, 2011, 01:20:38 PM »
Quote from: NHSparky on March 04, 2011, 12:39:31 PM
Only half?  Nice to see you set the bar nice and low.

You have to make an allowance for the moles, Sparky.
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"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline Randy

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #10 on: March 04, 2011, 01:58:33 PM »
It's been at least 6 years now that I have witnessed the Dirt Kitty playing this for full effect. I'm sure the game pre-dated DU too so I'm thinking that Yes, yes you will continue this forever.  :fuelfire:
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Offline Ree

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #11 on: March 04, 2011, 02:27:49 PM »
She'll never get better coz she wants to wallow in her illness..She should be kicked out of any therapy and let someone who wants the help to get better. There are many out there who could use help and can't get it coz a ****stick like her is using resources she don't need....
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Offline VivisMom

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #12 on: March 04, 2011, 02:35:45 PM »
Quote from: dutch508 on March 04, 2011, 11:51:19 AM
You know....



when My dog wouldn't stop licking his wounds we put a big assed 'traffic cone' on his head.




...just saying.


LMAO! I would pay cash to see UGP in the Cone of Shame!
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Offline miskie

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #13 on: March 04, 2011, 03:23:27 PM »
Quote from: VivisMom on March 04, 2011, 02:35:45 PM

LMAO! I would pay cash to see UGP in the Cone of Shame!

I think s/he would look fetching in the flower petal Cone of Shame.
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #14 on: March 04, 2011, 04:07:33 PM »
Quote from: Ree on March 04, 2011, 02:27:49 PM
She'll never get better coz she wants to wallow in her illness..She should be kicked out of any therapy and let someone who wants the help to get better. There are many out there who could use help and can't get it coz a ****stick like her is using resources she don't need....

Ree, it wants a therapist to say that it is normal.  That is what it craves.  And, it will keep searching until it finds a therapist that will say that it is normal.

BTW, H5.
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"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline catsmtrods

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #15 on: March 04, 2011, 04:28:13 PM »
She is a pathetic POS! She/it is playing this mental shit so she/it can get us to pay for her addadicktome. Or is it punchapussinme? I don't know! What a sick twit! Just shoot it.
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #16 on: March 04, 2011, 04:30:05 PM »
subway cat can't go on like this forever....the hell she can't, a cat has 9 lives......bitch will out live us all.

Oh, it seems that they're holding a meeting in the subway cat now to decide which personality dies....this time.
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Offline MP_Sarge

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #17 on: March 04, 2011, 04:36:45 PM »
Quote from: catsmtrods on March 04, 2011, 04:28:13 PM
She is a pathetic POS! She/it is playing this mental shit so she/it can get us to pay for her addadicktome. Or is it punchapussinme? I don't know! What a sick twit! Just shoot it.

Last I checked, Dissociative Identity Disorder was a permanent bar to diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder.

[Wow.  It took less than 24 hours for this to get really awkward.]
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Offline Celtic Rose

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #18 on: March 04, 2011, 04:39:26 PM »
Quote from: MP_Sarge on March 04, 2011, 04:36:45 PM
Last I checked, Dissociative Identity Disorder was a permanent bar to diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder.

[Wow.  It took less than 24 hours for this to get really awkward.]

Her mental illness is so extreme that it sickens me to see how people continue to feed into it.
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Offline MP_Sarge

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #19 on: March 04, 2011, 04:42:09 PM »
My experience has been that 99.9% of the people on the internet claiming to have DID are a bunch of Borderline PD attention whores.
Hell, there's a significant portion of the psychiatric community that disputes the very existence of DID.
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Offline Celtic Rose

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #20 on: March 04, 2011, 04:46:56 PM »
Quote from: MP_Sarge on March 04, 2011, 04:42:09 PM
My experience has been that 99.9% of the people on the internet claiming to have DID are a bunch of Borderline PD attention whores.
Hell, there's a significant portion of the psychiatric community that disputes the very existence of DID.

You are new, so you may not have been properly introduced to UGP before.  She considers herself to be a male cat trapped in a female human's body.  She claims to have been kidnapped by the CIA and forced to do "remote viewings" through the forced consumption of organic pineapple juice.  She is loco, whether or not she has DID.  She is undoubtedly an attention whore though.  :mental:

Welcome to CC, enjoy your stay  :cheersmate:
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Offline MP_Sarge

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #21 on: March 04, 2011, 04:50:31 PM »
That's only mildly disturbing.   :sarcasm:

Not to mention incredibly trivializing of people with *actual* Gender Identity Disorder.

Male cat, my ass.

I totally vote Borderline Personality Disorder.  If only because it's my favorite category for people I can't stand.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2011, 04:54:12 PM by MP_Sarge »
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Offline franksolich

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #22 on: March 04, 2011, 04:57:05 PM »
Quote from: MP_Sarge on March 04, 2011, 04:50:31 PM
That's only mildly disturbing.   :sarcasm:

Not to mention incredibly trivializing of people with *actual* Gender Identity Disorder.

Male cat, my ass.

I totally vote Borderline Personality Disorder.

If only because it's my favorite category for people I can't stand.

Yeah, a lot of primitives do that, exaggerating their own victimhood, thus trivializing the plight of real victims.....and using up resources that can't be used, then, to help real victims.
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Offline chitownchica

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #23 on: March 04, 2011, 05:03:24 PM »
Quote from: Celtic Rose on March 04, 2011, 04:46:56 PM
You are new, so you may not have been properly introduced to UGP before.  She considers herself to be a male cat trapped in a female human's body.  She claims to have been kidnapped by the CIA and forced to do "remote viewings" through the forced consumption of organic pineapple juice.  She is loco, whether or not she has DID.  She is undoubtedly an attention whore though.  :mental:

Welcome to CC, enjoy your stay  :cheersmate:

Good write up Rose.  She also claims to be gay, but she's a woman (for all intents and purposes) who likes men. Not sure how she gets gay outta that.
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Offline Doc

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Re: subway cat can't go on like this forever
« Reply #24 on: March 04, 2011, 05:04:54 PM »
If she legitimately had Gender Identity Disorder, then gay would be accurate, since she'd be a male attracted to other men.
But "male cat trapped in human female body" is just... beyond absurd.
Is there a single marginalized community she isn't attempting to impose herself on?

Is she a *black* male cat?
« Last Edit: March 04, 2011, 05:09:27 PM by TVDOC »
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