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Author Topic: Moron of the Day: Decides Eating M&Ms More Important Than Robbing Bank  (Read 1396 times)

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Offline Ralph Wiggum

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Moron of the Day: Decides Eating M&Ms More Important Than Robbing Bank
« on: January 21, 2011, 11:12:29 AM »
21-year-old Joshua Vargas has launched himself into an early lead in the race for the Dumbest Criminal of the Year. It seems our hero is unaware of the invention of the burglar alarm. At 3 a.m. on Monday, he decided to break into a bank in Taylor, Texas...

And since everything's big in Texas, he decided to be the biggest moron to rob a bank. He began with the rather crude notion that he'd simply break a window at the main entrance, failing to recognize that it might just be wired to an alarm system.

This wouldn't be so bad if he was planning a smash and grab caper, whereby the bad guy immediately bolts to beat police pursuit. But Joshua decided it would be better to take his merry old time. After all, banks lock up their money at night. So there's no sense in hurrying when you have to somehow make your way into an impenetrable vault.

But Joshua, as we may have mentioned, isn't the brightest lad. He saw some M&Ms -- and they weren't even guarded! So he decided to have himself a little snack before getting on with his caper.

Police managed to arrive at the bank five minutes after the alarm sounded. And there was Joshua eating M&Ms. He hadn't even made his way past the first teller station.

Our dope is now charged with burglary and possession of a minor amount of weed -- which may explain the urgent need for candy. We're unsure if Texas provides special dispensation to criminals so stupid they might actually be harmless.

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Offline DefiantSix

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Re: Moron of the Day: Decides Eating M&Ms More Important Than Robbing Bank
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2011, 11:23:51 AM »
 :stoner:

What's his DUmp name?
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: Moron of the Day: Decides Eating M&Ms More Important Than Robbing Bank
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2011, 11:34:09 AM »
To a smart defense counsel, his stupidity and the poor burglary skills which led to him never getting as far as the money might represent an ironic chance to get him a much lighter sentence:  "He wasn't trying to rob a bank, your Honor, he just saw the M&M jar through the window and in his drugged state, foolishly broke the window to get some."

 :popcorn:
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Offline Eupher

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Re: Moron of the Day: Decides Eating M&Ms More Important Than Robbing Bank
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2011, 12:21:14 PM »
Quote from: DumbAss Tanker on January 21, 2011, 11:34:09 AM
To a smart defense counsel, his stupidity and the poor burglary skills which led to him never getting as far as the money might represent an ironic chance to get him a much lighter sentence:  "He wasn't trying to rob a bank, your Honor, he just saw the M&M jar through the window and in his drugged state, foolishly broke the window to get some."

 :popcorn:

I wonder if the lad actually needs counsel - got anything planned for the next couple weeks? His arraignment will be on Monday.......

 :lmao:
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: Moron of the Day: Decides Eating M&Ms More Important Than Robbing Bank
« Reply #4 on: January 21, 2011, 04:05:01 PM »
I'm sure he'll get the finest P.D. the Judge feels like giving him.

 :-)
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Offline Evil_Conservative

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Re: Moron of the Day: Decides Eating M&Ms More Important Than Robbing Bank
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2011, 06:40:25 PM »
Were they peanut M&M's?  Because those are the best, and possibly worth breaking into a bank just to eat if you're too lazy to buy a 50 cent bag from Walmart.
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