"I'm such a right-wing jerk..."

[IassaFTots]

I don't.  I round up a posse and run 'em out of Arizona on a rail.  Sigh, there I go dreaming again.

I would love to pick em up at the day labor center, and drive em across the street to our local Transportes El Mexico bus station.  Seriously, they are right across the street from each other.  One mile from my house. 

[Chris_]

I would love to pick em up at the day labor center, and drive em across the street to our local Transportes El Mexico bus station.  Seriously, they are right across the street from each other.  One mile from my house. 

Oooh, good idea.  Pick up a van-full and drive them back across the border.  See which ones can get back across legally.

[littlelamb]

All of you are nuts but damn do I love this place

[Airwolf]

I don't.  I round up a posse and run 'em out of Arizona on a rail.  Sigh, there I go dreaming again.

Your both losers,I round em up in the back of my truck and drive them 3 hours out into the middle of Death Valley and leave them with a cup of water.

I hunt endangered Snow Leopards and I use their skin and fur to have boots made.

I drive a Humvee across the street just to pick up my mail.

I had a party everyday the BP oil well leaked.

I caused the BP oil leak.

I date lib chicks only long enough to to drive them to the local Burger King and then I kick them to the curb.

Yeah that's it that's the ticket.

[Alpha Mare]

I kill old horses and use their remains to trap coyotes and bobcats.

[BlueStateSaint]

You think that's bad?  I find all the pre-1992 cars around and puncture their AC coolant systems, thus releasing Freon-1011 to the atmosphere.  (Kinda technical, but it does wonders to the ozone layer.  Or something like that.)

[NHSparky]

I pay illiterate illegal immigrants cash money to carry right wing signs at Dem functions just to jack with La Raza.

Don't laugh.  When I was living in SoCal, I saw an (assuming--pretty safe assumption) illegal walking down Harbor Blvd. in Santa Ana wearing this t-shirt:



Shit like that you just CAN'T make up.

[NHSparky]

When I see a Prius loaded with Obama bumper stickers, I get ahead of them and slow down to 20 mph UNDER the speed limit so they can't pass.

I tell the local PETA folks, "I love cats, I just can't eat a whole one."

One thing my co-worker likes to do is get ahead of asshole tourists who drive too slow and stomp on the gas of his turbo diesel, sending a nice thick cloud of black smoke into their faces.  This is particularly effective in the summertime when they all drive with their windows down.

Before Blockbuster went out of business I put all the Michael Moore films in the comedy section.

If anyone at the bar starts talking about global warming I throw a snowball at them and say, "You mean THAT global warming?"

If I see a fat person riding an electric chair at Wally World, I turn it off and take the key when they stop and reach for something.

If I see a welfare queen with a cart full of food behind me, I point at them and say, "They're buying mine too."

Everytime I see some loser praising Obama after bitching about how they can't get a job, I ask them how that new Skittle-shitting pony is working out for them.

I put signs in front of all the Dunkin Donuts reserving at least half the spots for the local PD.

[The Hollywood NeoCon]

All of you fine, upstanding Nazis are giving this your best shots, but you're not quite ready to fight Morpheus yet.

Try thinking outside the box....like this....

I'm such a right-wing jerk, I sank all of my eeeeevil capital gains into Big Pharma, earned my law degree, became a personal injury lawyer, then invented "peanut allergies" out of whole cloth. 

[Eupher]

Yeah, okay.

Try this one:

I'm such a right-wing jerk that I sent a CandyGram to George Soros. Instead of candy, I put small little nuggets from skittle-shitting ponies inside the box and invited George to visit the ranch where the "candy" was made.

[The Hollywood NeoCon]

I'm such a right-wing jerk that I sent a CandyGram to George Soros. Instead of candy, I put small little nuggets from skittle-shitting ponies inside the box and invited George to visit the ranch where the "candy" was made.

Yeah, I heard about that...

But the reason he didn't show up was because I've been banging his executive secretary, who was kind enough to re-arrange his travel schedule.

Rather than take the lame-ass tour your "candy factory" had set up, Soros ended up in Bangkok, where he found comfort and solace in the company of the most celebrated male-to-female tranny in Siamese history.

Of course, he would've been happier to have made your tour, considering he spent the next 36 hours undergoing high-intensive chemical enemas in a vain attempt to rid himself of a nasty bout of anal gonorrhea.

[IassaFTots]

I am such a right-wing jerk, I used my non-taxed inheiritance to build a "vibe" shop.  I sell meditation beads that are made from the spent casings I get off the ground at the local VRWC gun range.

[The Hollywood NeoCon]

I am such a right-wing jerk, I used my non-taxed inheiritance to build a "vibe" shop.  I sell meditation beads that are made from the spent casings I get off the ground at the local VRWC gun range.

You're getting sexier by the minute...

[Thor]

I'm so right wing that I made the Native Americans cry

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7OHG7tHrNM[/youtube]

I also not only cut down trees with a 2 cycle chainsaw, but I BURN them, too!!

[Eupher]

Yeah, I heard about that...

But the reason he didn't show up was because I've been banging his executive secretary, who was kind enough to re-arrange his travel schedule.

Rather than take the lame-ass tour your "candy factory" had set up, Soros ended up in Bangkok, where he found comfort and solace in the company of the most celebrated male-to-female tranny in Siamese history.

Of course, he would've been happier to have made your tour, considering he spent the next 36 hours undergoing high-intensive chemical enemas in a vain attempt to rid himself of a nasty bout of anal gonorrhea.

This is bullshit because everybody knows that Soros is a hermaphrodite. It wasn't a nasty bout of anal gonorrhea - it was irritation caused by multiple fisting sessions.

You see, he's a receiver - not a giver.

But I digress.

I'm such a right-wing jerk that I build radio-controlled robots that are dressed like your average homeless guy and send them out to local middle schools where they offer the candy produced by those skittle-shitting ponies, wrapped in foil and labeled "Kisses for the Sweet", to youngsters walking back and forth to school. They bag an average of 8.6 kids per day.

[IassaFTots]

You're getting sexier by the minute...

   Thanks.  I still think my magnet lined purse idea was the best.  

Truly, the dude to look at is John Mackey, founder of Whole Foods.  Friggin Libertarian-Vegan-Yoga-doing genius.  Gets everyone all hooked on the natural-organic-free trade goodness, and then outs himself as a capitalist.  

I’m very excited about the evolution of Capitalism and how it will support continual innovation and human creativity. Capitalism is, I believe, the only global force capable of eliminating poverty.

http://www2.wholefoodsmarket.com/blogs/jmackey/

That company is still making bank.  Over things one could grow in their own backyard, or make themselves for much less.  Making money, exploiting libs.  Classic.    

[The Hollywood NeoCon]

 Thanks.  I still think my magnet lined purse idea was the best.  

Truly, the dude to look at is John Mackey, founder of Whole Foods.  Friggin Libertarian-Vegan-Yoga-doing genius.  Gets everyone all hooked on the natural-organic-free trade goodness, and then outs himself as a capitalist.  

http://www2.wholefoodsmarket.com/blogs/jmackey/

That company is still making bank.  Over things one could grow in their own backyard, or make themselves for much less.  Making money, exploiting libs.  Classic.    

Major ****ing H5 for that one...nothing more evil to a friggin libtard than THE TRUTH. 

[The Hollywood NeoCon]

I'm such a right-wing jerk that I build radio-controlled robots that are dressed like your average homeless guy and send them out to local middle schools where they offer the candy produced by those skittle-shitting ponies, wrapped in foil and labeled "Kisses for the Sweet", to youngsters walking back and forth to school. They bag an average of 8.6 kids per day.

I'm seriously hoping those are the private schools that Democrat politicians end up sending their kids to, after professing to believe in the public school system, and thereby sentencing our hard-earned money to for decades to shore up a pension system for teachers that aren't qualified to instruct my ****ing DOG on how to take a proper shit in the yard.

[Boudicca]

I'm seriously hoping those are the private schools that Democrat politicians end up sending their kids to, after professing to believe in the public school system, and thereby sentencing our hard-earned money to for decades to shore up a pension system for teachers that aren't qualified to instruct my ****ing DOG on how to take a proper shit in the yard.

Alot of truly shitty teachers do enter the system, BUT for some of them, I do feel sorry.  Imagine trying to teach the mentally, socially and physically abused by-product of some welfare ho and her succession of live in pimps, er, boyfriends.
There are some kids who, by the time they reach first grade, are total and unredeemable failures.  And Mama smoking dope and drinking booze non-stop, and not knowing who Daddy is, well, that sets a kid up for a not so successful outcome in life right there.  The smart teachers want no part of ghetto schools.

[JohnnyReb]

I work the "will work for food" crowd all day and then split a packet of tomato seeds amongst 'em.

[Boudicca]

I work the "will work for food" crowd all day and then split a packet of tomato seeds amongst 'em.

Tell them to fertilize the seeds with their own bullshit and the resultant tomato crop will be out of this world, the next day.

[compaqxp]

I such are caring left-wing guy I give the poor money to buy food, I don't eat animals because they have rights too, I'm working to get pot legalized so we can all get high, I drive an efficient car so the world will be clean, I work at a homeless shelter, I believe in taking from the rich to give to the poor and I laugh at right-wing people every chance I get.

 

[The Hollywood NeoCon]

I such are caring left-wing guy I give the poor money to buy food, I don't eat animals because they have rights too

 

You actually get a H5 for paying attention to the thread. 

[IassaFTots]

You actually get a H5 for paying attention to the thread. 

Hi 5 from me too buddy.  You really shoulda incorporated something about guns though.  And vibes. 

[NHSparky]

I drive an efficient car so the world will be clean,

No you don't--you totaled your POS, remember?