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Author Topic: And then the fight started  (Read 7767 times)

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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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And then the fight started
« on: December 21, 2010, 04:11:11 PM »
The wife sidles up to me and purs, "You know they have a cure for male sexual dysfunction and it conveniently comes in the size of a pill."

"Is that right?" I replied. "They can get an entire 18-year blonde with unresolved father issues into a pill?"

And then the fight started.
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Offline thundley4

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2010, 04:18:01 PM »
My wife asked me what was on TV. I said dust, and then the fight started.
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Offline Eupher

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2010, 04:21:51 PM »
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first like the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.  When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. 'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the
driveway.'

And then the fight started...


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Offline ColonialMarine0431

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2010, 05:06:41 PM »
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
Order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
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Offline Evil_Conservative

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2010, 05:13:23 PM »
:rofl:

These are funny.
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Offline CactusCarlos

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2010, 05:18:23 PM »
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different  anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”

And then the fight started...






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  -- Norman Thomas, six-time Socialist Party presidential candidate and one of the founders of the ACLU

Offline The Hollywood NeoCon

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2010, 05:39:07 PM »
The old lady and I were stressed out over having to go endure some wickedly epic Excedrin moments with family this Christmas, when she pats me on the knee, smiles, and says "Ya know, honey, next year, we can spend a few bucks and actually GO SOMEWHERE for Christmas!"

I said, "Terrific! Where YOU gonna go?"

Then the fight started...
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Offline zeitgeist

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2010, 05:41:19 PM »
Darling, she purred, how many other women have you slept with?

None sweetheart, I was wide awake with all the others I replied.

Then the fight started....
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Offline formerlurker

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2010, 05:57:47 PM »
My husband and I starting bickering about  something inconsequential, when he shouts out to me "yeah, well you aren't so good in bed .."    He stormed out the door for work.   He called me mid-morning because he knew how bad he messed up.    After he called a few times, I finally answered the phone. 

Him: "What took you so long to answer?"

Me: "I was in bed."

Him: "What were you doing in bed this late?"

Me: "Getting a second opinion."

Then the fight started..........


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Offline ColonialMarine0431

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #9 on: December 21, 2010, 06:05:19 PM »
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
cream.

And then the fight started....
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Offline The Hollywood NeoCon

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #10 on: December 21, 2010, 06:40:33 PM »
A few years ago, my psychotic ex-girlfriend had gotten back together again after a really nasty fight.

Of course, the make-up sex was amazing, and as we lay spent and sweaty in the aftermath, I turned to her and said, "Now, tell me you're happy we managed to patch things up."

She said, "Hell yeah! Of all your friends, you've got the biggest d*ck!"

Then the fight started.
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Offline CactusCarlos

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2010, 08:30:18 PM »
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing My curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is Proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.'

And then the fight started..
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"The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism, but under the name of liberalism they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program until one day America will be a socialist nation without ever knowing how it happened."
  -- Norman Thomas, six-time Socialist Party presidential candidate and one of the founders of the ACLU

Offline IassaFTots

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2010, 09:01:02 PM »
Nights like this, I so love this place.   :cheersmate:

 :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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Offline littlelamb

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #13 on: December 21, 2010, 09:03:56 PM »
Quote from: IassaFTots on December 21, 2010, 09:01:02 PM
Nights like this, I so love this place.   :cheersmate:

 :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 
I agree it has made me smile and laugh
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Offline mamacags

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #14 on: December 22, 2010, 04:59:31 AM »
BAHAHAHAHHAhahahahaha snort HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
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Offline Eupher

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #15 on: December 22, 2010, 05:20:33 AM »
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming Anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 In about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...
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Offline Eupher

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #16 on: December 22, 2010, 05:21:51 AM »
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started.
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Offline longview

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #17 on: December 22, 2010, 06:11:55 AM »
 :rotf:
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Offline NHSparky

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #18 on: December 22, 2010, 09:55:37 AM »
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"


And that's when the fight started....

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Offline NHSparky

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #19 on: December 22, 2010, 09:56:54 AM »
My ex-wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me acompliment.'

I replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'


And that's when the fight started....

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Offline NHSparky

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #20 on: December 22, 2010, 09:58:44 AM »
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ”I AM NOT HAPPY!!!”

So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”

And then the fight started…..

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Offline NHSparky

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #21 on: December 22, 2010, 09:59:21 AM »
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…
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Offline formerlurker

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #22 on: December 22, 2010, 10:28:02 AM »
Quote from: NHSparky on December 22, 2010, 09:59:21 AM
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…



 :rotf:

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Offline Boudicca

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #23 on: December 22, 2010, 10:29:10 AM »
I could read this kind of stuff all day long.   :rotf:
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Offline mamacags

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #24 on: December 22, 2010, 10:48:00 AM »
Me too. 
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All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope.
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