Author Topic: And then the fight started  (Read 7784 times)

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Offline Eupher

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #25 on: December 22, 2010, 10:52:26 AM »
I went outside to the back yard and grabbed the 5 gallon bucket and the scoop to pick up dog shit. It was a warm day and the smell was rather pungent.

About halfway through my chore, Mrs E hollered from the deck that dinner was ready.

I hollered back that what I was currently smelling wasn't too far off from what was coming out of the kitchen.

And then the fight started.
« Last Edit: December 22, 2010, 11:00:40 AM by Eupher »
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #26 on: December 22, 2010, 10:58:34 AM »
Wife said that for the 25 th wedding annaversary she wanted to relive our honeymoon.

Said she had already planned it. We'd stay at the same motel... in the same room....sleep in the same bed....it was all going to be exactly like the original honeymoon.

Then I said, "All except one thing...this time I get to scream "It's to big, it's to big"."

...and then the fight started.
« Last Edit: December 22, 2010, 11:29:25 AM by JohnnyReb »
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Offline Thor

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #27 on: December 22, 2010, 11:01:12 AM »
Wife said that for the 25 th wedding annaversary she wanted to relive our honeymoon.

Said she had already planned it. We'd stay at the same motel... in the same....sleep in the same bed....it was all going to be exactly like the original honeymoon.

Then I said, "All except one thing...this time I get to scream "It's to big, it's to big"."

...and then the fight started.

 :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:  Oh Lord........ :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:
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Offline Eupher

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #28 on: December 22, 2010, 11:02:43 AM »
yeah, I hate when that happens.  :p
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Offline formerlurker

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #29 on: December 22, 2010, 11:08:17 AM »
Wife said that for the 25 th wedding annaversary she wanted to relive our honeymoon.

Said she had already planned it. We'd stay at the same motel... in the same....sleep in the same bed....it was all going to be exactly like the original honeymoon.

Then I said, "All except one thing...this time I get to scream "It's to big, it's to big"."

...and then the fight started.

 :lmao:



 :rotf:





Offline blitzkrieg_17

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #30 on: December 22, 2010, 09:47:47 PM »
I went outside to the back yard and grabbed the 5 gallon bucket and the scoop to pick up dog shit. It was a warm day and the smell was rather pungent.

About halfway through my chore, Mrs E hollered from the deck that dinner was ready.

I hollered back that what I was currently smelling wasn't too far off from what was coming out of the kitchen.

And then the fight started.

 :rofl: H5
Caught somewhere in time

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #31 on: December 27, 2012, 12:02:40 PM »
So, the beach bunny says she can't get the wood burning stove to stay lit to heat the house.

"I can't get the wood to burn!" she complained.

So I replied, "Have you tried preparing it for dinner?"

And then the fight started.
According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."

Offline thundley4

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #32 on: December 27, 2012, 12:12:33 PM »
So, the beach bunny says she can't get the wood burning stove to stay lit to heat the house.

"I can't get the wood to burn!" she complained.

So I replied, "Have you tried preparing it for dinner?"

And then the fight started.

:hi5:

Offline wasp69

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #33 on: December 27, 2012, 12:18:38 PM »


 :-)
"We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and then bid the geldings to be fruitful."

C.S. Lewis

A community may possess all the necessary moral qualifications, in so high a degree, as to be capable of self-government under the most adverse circumstances; while, on the other hand, another may be so sunk in ignorance and vice, as to be incapable of forming a conception of liberty, or of living, even when most favored by circumstances, under any other than an absolute and despotic government.

John C Calhoun, "Disquisition on Government", 1840

Offline wasp69

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #34 on: December 27, 2012, 12:21:00 PM »
In the months preceding our wedding anniversary, the wife was trying to remember how long we had been married.  She asked "How long have we been married?  10 years, 11 years?"

My reply?  "I didn't know time mattered in Hell".

And then the fight started...
"We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and then bid the geldings to be fruitful."

C.S. Lewis

A community may possess all the necessary moral qualifications, in so high a degree, as to be capable of self-government under the most adverse circumstances; while, on the other hand, another may be so sunk in ignorance and vice, as to be incapable of forming a conception of liberty, or of living, even when most favored by circumstances, under any other than an absolute and despotic government.

John C Calhoun, "Disquisition on Government", 1840

Offline wasp69

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #35 on: December 27, 2012, 12:26:16 PM »
A long time ago, before I was married and when I still smoked, I was with a girlfriend at a party.  I couldn't find my Marlboros, so I asked "Where's my cigarettes at?"  Being the OCD, grammar nazi twit that she was, she replied "It is very rude and incorrect to end a sentence with a preposition.  Rephrase the question."

My reply?  "Okay, where's my cigarettes at, bitch?"

And then the fight started...
"We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and then bid the geldings to be fruitful."

C.S. Lewis

A community may possess all the necessary moral qualifications, in so high a degree, as to be capable of self-government under the most adverse circumstances; while, on the other hand, another may be so sunk in ignorance and vice, as to be incapable of forming a conception of liberty, or of living, even when most favored by circumstances, under any other than an absolute and despotic government.

John C Calhoun, "Disquisition on Government", 1840

Offline thundley4

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #36 on: December 27, 2012, 12:27:50 PM »
In the months preceding our wedding anniversary, the wife was trying to remember how long we had been married.  She asked "How long have we been married?  10 years, 11 years?"

My reply?  "I didn't know time mattered in Hell".

And then the fight started...

It's a running joke with my wife and me that when she mentions how long we've been married, I always say it seems longer.  (23 years on New Year's Eve this year.)

Offline Karin

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #37 on: December 27, 2012, 12:49:28 PM »
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started.....

Offline Karin

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #38 on: December 27, 2012, 12:56:32 PM »
Related...

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, You Can Be the Man of Your House.

He stormed over to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and...well... you get the point.

"Later, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.... Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

Without even looking up from her morning paper the wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess."


Offline wasp69

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #39 on: December 27, 2012, 12:58:11 PM »
Related...

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, You Can Be the Man of Your House.

He stormed over to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and...well... you get the point.

"Later, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.... Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

Without even looking up from her morning paper the wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess."

 :lmao:
"We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and then bid the geldings to be fruitful."

C.S. Lewis

A community may possess all the necessary moral qualifications, in so high a degree, as to be capable of self-government under the most adverse circumstances; while, on the other hand, another may be so sunk in ignorance and vice, as to be incapable of forming a conception of liberty, or of living, even when most favored by circumstances, under any other than an absolute and despotic government.

John C Calhoun, "Disquisition on Government", 1840

Offline wasp69

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #40 on: December 27, 2012, 12:59:15 PM »
My first wife asked me once what I thought would happen if she died.

My reply?  "Hopefully, I'll be acquitted".

And then the fight started...
"We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and then bid the geldings to be fruitful."

C.S. Lewis

A community may possess all the necessary moral qualifications, in so high a degree, as to be capable of self-government under the most adverse circumstances; while, on the other hand, another may be so sunk in ignorance and vice, as to be incapable of forming a conception of liberty, or of living, even when most favored by circumstances, under any other than an absolute and despotic government.

John C Calhoun, "Disquisition on Government", 1840

Offline Karin

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #41 on: December 27, 2012, 01:00:25 PM »
A couple was preparing to head out to their fiftieth wedding anniversary celebration.

"You get your purse and coat, I'll pull the car out front and lock up the garage," says hubby, considerately.

When his bride comes out onto the front porch, she sees him leaning against the front fender of the car staring wistfully at the front of the house. She walks over to him.

"What are you looking at?" she asks.

"Oh, I was just looking at those bushes over there... Remembering."

"Remembering what?" she asks.

"Well, you remember the time your dad caught us in the bushes? He pulled me outta there by the scruff of the neck, threw me against the wall and said, 'Either you're gonna do the right thing and marry my daughter or you'll spend the next fifty years in jail!'" he answers.

"Yeah, I remember. What about it?"

"Well," he replies, "I was just thinkin', I'd be gettin' out about now."

That's when the fight started...

Offline Karin

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #42 on: December 27, 2012, 01:24:53 PM »
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money and was a real miser.

He loved money more than anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

So he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute! She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

She said, "I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check".


Offline njpines

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #43 on: December 27, 2012, 02:35:05 PM »
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
And then the fight started . . .
Piney Power!!

Grow your own dope -- plant a Democrat!

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Offline wasp69

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #44 on: December 27, 2012, 02:40:16 PM »
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
And then the fight started . . .

Dupe!   :tongue:   :-)
"We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and then bid the geldings to be fruitful."

C.S. Lewis

A community may possess all the necessary moral qualifications, in so high a degree, as to be capable of self-government under the most adverse circumstances; while, on the other hand, another may be so sunk in ignorance and vice, as to be incapable of forming a conception of liberty, or of living, even when most favored by circumstances, under any other than an absolute and despotic government.

John C Calhoun, "Disquisition on Government", 1840

Offline njpines

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #45 on: December 27, 2012, 02:44:39 PM »
Piney Power!!

Grow your own dope -- plant a Democrat!

"We will preserve for our children (America), the last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done."  -- Ronald Reagan.

"Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you." -- Quest for the Holy Grail

Offline NHSparky

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #46 on: December 27, 2012, 05:52:15 PM »
So I said to my wife “what would you do if we won the lottery”?

“I’d take half of it and leave you”, she said.

“Well, I won ten bucks today; here’s your five; now **** off!”

..And then the fight started...
“Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian.”  -Henry Ford

Offline J P Sousa

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #47 on: December 27, 2012, 06:02:27 PM »
My wife made my favorite meal, Fettuccine Alfredo, I said what did you do differently this time.........

And then the fight started...

.
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Offline Skul

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #48 on: December 28, 2012, 08:48:01 AM »
Years ago, mad cow disease was all the rage on the MSM.
Wife was sitting there griping about it.
I mentioned that I didn't understand what the fuss was all about because I already had one.
I never even made it out the door.

True story.
Then-Chief Justice John Marshall observed, “Between a balanced republic and a democracy, the difference is like that between order and chaos.”

John Adams warned in a letter, “Remember democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet, that did not commit suicide.”

Offline Eupher

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Re: And then the fight started
« Reply #49 on: December 28, 2012, 10:48:19 AM »
Years ago, mad cow disease was all the rage on the MSM.
Wife was sitting there griping about it.
I mentioned that I didn't understand what the fuss was all about because I already had one.
I never even made it out the door.

True story.

 :rotf:  h5

Yeah, they won't let me donate blood because of the potential of me having mad cow disease (spent too many years in Europe). Well, I did get married twice....and the third time, no way in hell am I going anywhere near that term with her.  :-)

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Mouthpiece data provided on request.