Due to, uh, "circumstances," franksolich hasn't been around as much as he used to be (he will however be VERY present election day), and so has lost track of some of his favorite primitives.
But never mind franksolich's personal favorites, as those are a secret.
But look at the top twenty primitives of 2009, and how so many of them seem gone away from Skins's island.
I could be wrong, maybe they're still around, but I myself haven't seen them.
#20 the Twix candy bar primitive, the "TwixVoy" primitive, the former cashier at Target who was always offering financial advice--the last we, or at least I, saw him was early in the year, when he was threatening to leave the United States for socialist pastures.
#19 the Die alte Sau primitive Anne, the dysmenopausal Kansas school teacher, the "Proud2bLibKansan" primitive--she's still around and still active. I swear, the Die alte Sau is so loathesome that if one were to visit the Kansas City sewerage works, gazing over the vast sea of human excretory matter, he'd immediately recognize those coming out of Anne's colon.
#18 the "Name removed" primitive--still active.
#17 Tangerine LaBamba of blessed memory and wistful infatuation--she died last December, and so can't hang around Skins's island any more. One assumes however that with God, she's no longer a primitive.
#16 the militant gigolo primitive, the "ArmyofWalgreens" primitive--gone since early this year.
#15 the stenchy cat primitive, the "FrenchieCat" primitive--like the Die alte Sau primitive, still around and still active, although her Negrophiliac defenses of il Duce Bo don't resonate like they used to.
#14 the skumbag primitive, the "IanDavid" primitive, who's amassed quite a gigabytage of child pornography on his personal computer--still around and still active, but vigilantly on guard, as he hasn't been lighting many campfires lately that betray his predilection, sticking instead with more-innocuous topics. One imagines the skumbag primitive is, like, really really nervous.....about something.
#13 the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive, the "cali" primitive--gone for several months, her absence not explained.
#12 the unappellated eohippus, the "Horse with no Name" primitive, the High Priestess of Moloch to the primitives on Skins's island, the idolator of infanticide--still around, but a lot less than she used to be; of course, she had disliked il Duce Bo, which perhaps possibly might explain her lack of interest in Skins's island.
#11 Pedro Picasso, the "Atman" primitive--busy with doing "art"work for a Democrat fund-raising organization, he pops in once in a while, here-and-there, but alas not as much as he used to, depriving decent and civilized people of much diversion and amusement.
#10 the poetess CalPig primitive, the "California Peggy" primitive--still around, and as active as she ever was, whoring that congealed mass of excresence she adamantly insists is "poetry."
#09 the defrocked warped primitive, the "warpy" primitive--still around and still active, as she has an obsessive compulsive need to show off her "know-it-all"ism.
#08 the gigantic primitive, the Las Vegas blimp, the Las Vegas Leviathan, the "Systematic Chaos" primitive--alas, a sad and tragic story here. Having at long last gotten to under 400 pounds, he learned he was now expected to get a job, instead of subsisting on social security disability, and apparently he's resumed pigging out on bushels of Big Macs so as to avoid that.
#07 the "Joanne98" primitive, one of the best-known apologists for the socialist Yugo Chavez of Venezuela--still around, but not even a tenth as active as she used to be.
#06 the "AdBot" primitive--still around, but ever since my fellow alum Skins insisted upon having at least some control over advertisements from Google, not nearly as funny as he used to be.
#05 the sparkling husband primitive, the "Stinky the Clown" primitive--still around, and obviously blatantly campaigning to win #01 Top Primitive of 2010; we'll see.
#04 the subway cat, the "undergroundpanther" primitive--still around, but quite a bit less than she used to be. One reasonably assumes her medications were changed, and wonders if she ever managed to get a ride to that non-event of October 2 in Washington, D.C.
#03 Doug's stupid ex-wife, the "EFerrari" primitive--still around, and as active as ever, being the primitive with the highest post-count. franksolich loves ya, babe.
#02 the bobbling primitive, the "bobolink" primitive--still around, but more erratic in her presence than she used to be. Probably has something to do with the public libraries of Denver changing their hours.
#01 the "greenbriar" primitive--earlier this year, she returned to Skins's island under a different monicker, but now she appears completely gone.
One suspects there's going to be a lot of new names on the Top Primitives of 2010, when that comes out in December. Nominations start the week of Thanksgiving, about three weeks after the mid-term elections, and winners are announced the week between Christmas and New Year's.
If anyone has more-current insight on any of the missing primitives--or what I assume to be missing primitives--please advise.
