Author Topic: 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)  (Read 1421 times)

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Offline bijou

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7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)
« on: August 26, 2010, 07:54:01 AM »
Quote
Let's pretend for a moment that zombies are real (as if half of you weren't already daydreaming about that very thing). Have you noticed how most zombie movies take place only after the apocalypse is in full-swing? By the time we join our survivors, the military and government are already wiped out, and none of the streets are safe.

There's a reason the movie starts there, and not earlier. It's because the early part, where we go from one zombie to millions, doesn't make any sense. If you let the creeping buzzkill of logic into the zombie party, you realize the zombies would all be re-dead long before you even got a chance to fire up that chainsaw motorcycle you've been working on. Why? ...

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-reasons-zombie-outbreak-would-fail-quickly.html#ixzz0xiSSOd5L


Breathe easy people, though I'm disappointed that my chainsaw motorbike will remain untested.  :(



Offline Splashdown

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Re: 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)
« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2010, 08:30:21 AM »
There are dozens of holes in this story. It's lulling us into a false sense of zombie apocalypse security. You guys go ahead and relax. I'll be cleaning my 12-guage and sharpening my katana.
Let nothing trouble you,
Let nothing frighten you. 
All things are passing;
God never changes.
Patience attains all that it strives for.
He who has God lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.
--St. Theresa of Avila



"No crushed ice; no peas." -- Undies

Offline thundley4

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Re: 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2010, 08:35:29 AM »
There are dozens of holes in this story. It's lulling us into a false sense of zombie apocalypse security. You guys go ahead and relax. I'll be cleaning my 12-guage and sharpening my katana.

Yep. It's nothing more than Zombie propaganda to lull us into a false sense of security.

Offline Godot showed up

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Re: 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)
« Reply #3 on: August 26, 2010, 08:45:36 AM »
Four objections:


1) In the Return of the Living Dead movies, zombies can be dismembered and still function. Also, flesh isn't needed; even a skeleton can animate. Remember the woman zombie with its spine twitching, tied to the table? So it looks like, at least for those zombies--the result of a toxic chemical--you'd have to wait until bone rots for them to stop moving and attacking, and that takes decades.

2) In the Romero movies  it's not biting that starts the zombie outbreak and it isn't biting alone that passes on zombiosity; it just happens when you die during this very weird and bad time (in addition to biting in Dawn, although not in the original Dawn, I believe), as it did to Ben Cozine (1990 remake of NoTLV). It comes down to: God did it. The recently deceased--and many NOT recently deceased--re-animate regardless of whether or not they're bitten. So as people die--and we all die--they become zombies. It's never clear when this divine zombification ends, but in Dawn and Day it sure looks like it doesn't end until humanity is toast.

3) Zombies attack in hordes; bears and lions don't (well, lions might attack a groups of 3 or so). A horde of zombies can bring down a bear. I really wouldn't look to large predators (not existing in any great numbers anyway) for help. They seem to be immune to zombification, but they're not immune to being bitten and ripped by 50 or 60 zombies. So what if a grizzly wipes out 40 out of 60 attacking it? The same thing that makes us a big problem for big predators would make zombies an insurmountable problem for big predators: sheer numbers, billions to 10s of thousands.


4) I don't see the CDC doing anything about the Obama zombie outbreak. Is Obama "zombie zero"? Anyway, so much for the emergency medical community.
« Last Edit: August 26, 2010, 09:08:58 AM by Godot showed up »

Offline thundley4

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Re: 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)
« Reply #4 on: August 26, 2010, 09:14:21 AM »

4) I don't see the CDC doing anything about the Obama zombie outbreak. Is Obama "zombie zero"? Anyway, so much for the emergency medical community.

Hm, didn't the Swine Flu outbreak start shortly after Obumbler visited Mexico?