Had a Go-'Round with the School

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

So...

...Thursday I get a call from the school informing me that they do not want to take the 11 y/0 bunlet on Friday's field trip to a horticultural center.

Admittedly in the past he has had an issue with sportsmanship, i.e. having a tantrum and stomping off if his team has been on the losing end of a competition. Of course schools these days can't call it poor sportsmanship, they have to make everything out to be some deep-seated psychological crisis. I simply took the boy aside and asked him which was more important: games or people. Naturally he admitted people were more important so I continued the lesson by explaining that when he acted that way he was placing the game above his consideration for the people on the other team who had fairly earned their score. Since that discussion things have been markedly improved with his teacher saying as much.

But this history of his was enough for the teachers to not want to take him along.

The teacher I was speaking with was conveying the message that the other teachers would be happy to allow him to do an assignment in the library.

I told her this was unacceptable. Using a military analogy I said when a soldier cannot do enough push-ups to pass their PT test the cure is MORE push-ups not to be excluded from doing push-ups. The issue here was socialization so keeping him from socializing was not the answer. She said she would speak to the other teachers and call me back.

When she called me back she told me the teachers were adamant: no he would not be going with them unless a parent accompanied him. It seems the additional chaperons they had lined-up had all canceled so if the bunlet had a "moment" no one would be able to take him aside and they had 29 other students per class to contend with.

"And what if a student twists an ankle walking around this big 'ol farm? Are you planning for every contingency or just my son?"

She was literally stammering and it wouldn't be the only time.

I tried to be as measured and cordial as I could but after 40 minutes collectively of dealing with this bullshit I finally got to a place where I said, **** diplomacy it is time to strap.

"Is there an adult in that building?" I asked bring her to a stammering halt again. "He is a child. You are an adult, the authority, a teacher. Take charge of the child! I am not asking you to raise him for me but we are trying to groom these children to be adults. His behavior would not be acceptable as an adult and allowing him to escape from hard situations only makes it worse. Making him different and disincluded only makes socialization issues worse. In fact, you people are doing exactly what you don't want him to do: having an emotional response rather than dealing with was is reasonably expected of you. Define your expectations to him and then enforce them!"

After a considerable pause she said she would take him in her class with the mindset that he was just another student having just another field trip. I thanked her and told her she had 150% of my support. I told the boy to tell her I expected a call from her at the end of the day's trip.

The trip was taken and the day was fun and educational. I thanked the teacher for her effort especially considering the fact she went against her peers and against the principal. She showed courage in the end but needless to say I'm pretty ****ing furious with the rest of the school.

[The Village Idiot]

Parents are the boss. Schools are the servants.

Public school is no place for "socialization", IMO

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

Parents are the boss. Schools are the servants.

Public school is no place for "socialization", IMO

Social skills perhaps is a better term.

We aren't talking about a hay ride and dance but the ability to work with a group.

[The Village Idiot]

Did the school cave yet?

Just tell them you are a devout Muslim and then stare. They'll cave.

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

Did the school cave yet?

Just tell them you are a devout Muslim and then stare. They'll cave.

Last 2 paragraphs.

[MrsSmith]

Who on earth would actually expect a TEACHER to be able to deal with a difficult child??? 














 

Exactly WHY do they go into the field if their scared of the kids?   

[NHSparky]

Holy smokes, someone actually made the school DO THEIR JOB???

Of course, when I was 11 and if I had acted out on a field trip, the teachers would have busted my ass, then turned me over to the parents for the REAL ass-whoopin.

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

Who on earth would actually expect a TEACHER to be able to deal with a difficult child??? 

 

Exactly WHY do they go into the field if their scared of the kids?   

He's not even a "difficult child" by today's standards.

I even asked her, "is he a problem child?"

"No! No! No! He's a wonderful child it's just that he gets a little emotional when he gets frustrated."

I replied by stating their response to a non-problem child now seemed overly harsh and that even if he was a problem child that doesn't absolve him or the school of their respective roles. He is to know the standards and they are to enforce them so long as he is under their care/jurisdiction.

I told her I felt sorry for the schools because they have a ton of responsibility and an ounce of authority but I was giving her such authority as she felt she needed to remedy any situation that came her way.

I mean, FFS the kid gets frustrated, cries and walks away. It's not like he's hitting people or throwing stuff. It's a goddam unsportsmanlike tempter-tantrum. Nothing dangerous just maddeningly inappropriate.

The last time he got weepy/crying with me I took him outside and put him in the front-leaning rest position (the up-side of a push-up) in the snow. I was in the same position as him the whole time. After a few seconds it starts to "burn" like hell. I told him we weren't getting up until he learned to control himself. Well he did. The next time he started I reminded him of the snow and he bucked-up real @#$%ing fast. IOW: he can control himself when "properly motivated" and I told the teacher as much.

If his behavior WAS uncontrollable we would have a different issue but it is controllable ergo it is intolerable.

But more to the point the school's behavior is intolerable as well. It's goddam cowardice in the face of a child. I don't know if the lawyers/school board cut their balls off but I told them to borrow mine.

PROCESS:

1) The reasonable standard was explained

2) enforcement mechanism ("Good, bad or indifferent, I'm calling your dad.") was shown to be in place

3) history of swift and certain corrective action left no doubt as to the outcome for failure to do as expected

RESULT:

Child had a fun and educational day enjoying time with a teacher who simply treated him as another child


In short: HOLY ****, 10,000 YEARS OF HUMAN HISTORY HAS SOMETHING TO TEACH US!!!

[jinxmchue]

Reminds me a little of my oldest son.  He has high-functioning autism and when he first entered kindergarten, the daily routine was tough on him and, conversely, tough on his teacher and other students.  However, before school and after the school year began, we sat down with his teacher, the school psychologist, the special needs teacher, and my son's case worker and we hammered out proactive ways to help him deal with the stresses of the new situation.  His teacher was apprehensive at first, but as the year went along, she grew to simply adore and cherish my son.  At first, he had many crying meltdowns from sensory overload, but the school worked with us and got a plan together that worked amazingly well for him.  He was able to indicate that he was starting to feel overwhelmed and was allowed to go to another room for a few minutes and settle down.  This helped a lot and soon he was quickly learning to adapt and cope and his sensory overload issues dwindled to nothingness.

My point is, I could've easily seen his teacher and the school taking the easy way out and saying my son was too difficult and a regular classroom wasn't right for him.  I think that would've really been bad for him because he wants to be like every other kid and he can be if he's just given the chance to learn how.  He is excelling academically, which I don't think would've happened in a "special needs" environment (not that they are bad, but it would've been bad for him).  I have no doubt that keeping him in the normal classroom was the best thing for him and anything else would've been a punishment of taking him away from a social situation he needed to adjust to.  When he entered first grade, he hit with both feet running and he's never looked back.  We are so very, very thankful that our school chose to stand with us and with him.

[PatriotGame]

...and you are NOT home schooling or parochial schooling because why?

[blitzkrieg_17]

I mean, FFS the kid gets frustrated, cries and walks away. It's not like he's hitting people or throwing stuff. It's a goddam unsportsmanlike temper-tantrum.

I did the same thing once when I was your son's age, and got roundly teased for it. I still haven't forgotten it, and that was 16+ years ago.

[rich_t]

...and you are NOT home schooling or parochial schooling because why?

That's not an option for a lot of folks.

[PatriotGame]

That's not an option for a lot of folks.

I understand what you are say'in.
To a point, I agree however, I know several fellow employees that made a decision to live in a smaller home, own one car, and do with much less so only dad had to work while mom home schooled the "chitlens".

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

I understand what you are say'in.
To a point, I agree however, I know several fellow employees that made a decision to live in a smaller home, own one car, and do with much less so only dad had to work while mom home schooled the "chitlens".

If it were an option...

[rich_t]

I understand what you are say'in.
To a point, I agree however, I know several fellow employees that made a decision to live in a smaller home, own one car, and do with much less so only dad had to work while mom home schooled the "chitlens".

There is more involved than just the financial aspect.

[PatriotGame]

If it were an option...

I understand my little-long-eared friend and I sympathize! Do me a favor please - keep riding their asses as needed.

[formerlurker]

Social skills perhaps is a better term.

We aren't talking about a hay ride and dance but the ability to work with a group.

I am glad he was able to have a good and productive outing.     

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

I understand my little-long-eared friend and I sympathize! Do me a favor please - keep riding their asses as needed.

I will.

I was glad when the teacher found her own spine in spite of what her principal et al were saying. I can't help but feel it was MORE therapeutic for her.

[ROCKURWORLD]

I will.

I was glad when the teacher found her own spine in spite of what her principal et al were saying. I can't help but feel it was MORE therapeutic for her.

Not to be mean or anything but I kinda disagree with some of the things you have said. 

BTW...I have a very headstrong ADHD 12 yr old boy that also acts like he is 6 a lot of times.

1. Seems to me that if none of the teachers wanted him to go along because of his issues then it seems like his behavior is a tad worse than you mention.

2. As a parent if their was another kid in class that was that disruptive then I wouldn't want him to go along either because is would take away the learning opportunities for my kids.

3. The teachers are there to teach and keep order. Not to train our kids how to act right.

4. Being left out may actually make them grow up a  little. My boy has had to sit out of things because of his behavior. I think he learned a lot from it because he hasn't showed his tail anymore.

Just my 2 cents...

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

No offense taken but to reply:

1. The boy is more than capable of governing himself, it's simply a matter of him reaching down and grabbing hold of it. If his behavior was worse he'd have bigger problems than missing field trips to deal with (read: me).

2. That would be fine if not for Point 1.

3. No, my job is to teach him to act right. Their job is to be in charge of their students. That doesn't mean raise them for the parents but that also doesn't mean they quail. Their reasoning (if he acts out they had no one to take him aside) was also quite flawed because if ANYTHING had required the teacher to focus on 1 child the entire class would have come to a halt. That includes turned ankles, heat injuries, the stomach flu that's been going around here, bug bites...anything. I understand they were trying to minimize their exposure but the facts at the end of the day show he was no problem for them. He was just another kid in the class.

4. Conversely my son was told in no uncertain terms what was and was not acceptable and he didn't act out. His behavior has improved overall.