Since Crock enjoys ruminating over the conquest of DU womyn, let's take it straight from the mules'...er...horses' mouths what it takes to get them squishy:
dawg (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:09 PM
Original message
How can I make myself irresistible to women?
Alright DU ladies (and guys who know what they are talking about), give me some pointers. I mostly want to attract the 35-45 age group, if that makes any difference. Being 73 years old myself (not really) that's the age group that fits me best. It will probably be at least 12 months before I will be emotionally ready to even think about dating, so we have some time. I have already thought of several possible strategies ....
1. Start cruising the pet stores for a nice cat, I hear they can be good potential marriage partners.
2. I just bought a new refrigerator, I could stock it up with artificial crab meat - it'll stay good a long, long time, I promise.
3. I could rent a billboard or something.
4. I could start parting my hair on the right instead of the left.
5. I could try to fool them into thinking my iPod touch was actually an iPhone.
6. I could start sleeping with a teddy bear.
7. I could eat lots of asparagus.(?)
8. I will definitely keep my flash drives and other portable media locked up.
Anyway, that's all I've got for now. What else do you guys think might work?
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9354769Actually, I was expecting to hear a bunch of demands for womanly sensitivity and liberal philosophy, then I realized the thread was about the OP specifically, so it could be assumed by the DU harpies that he already possessed those traits.
Dr Morbius Donating Member (699 posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:11 PM
Response to Original message
1. Throw LOTS of money around. That usually makes a man more attractive. (nt)
Okay, tell us something we
don't know.
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:14 PM
Response to Original message
3. Borrow a baby and rent a stroller.
That'll get them talking, but it's likely the baby they'll be more attracted to.
redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:22 PM
Response to Original message
5. Two words:
Cleaver Sleeve
Don't even go there.
Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
8. Be an obnoxious dick, rude asshole, abusive prick, or some variant thereof.
You'll have more women than you know what to do with, and have more sex than your penis can handle.
Sounds like the Vibrating One has issues. Probably why she vibrates.
LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 03:56 PM
Response to Original message
20. So you want to give off the odor of rotting stale skunk piss?
because that's what the Aspargus will start smelling like.
Rotting stale skunk piss, or crotch-sweat and pachouli? hmmmm Which will I go with tonight?
Redstone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 04:29 PM
Response to Original message
29. Be six-foot-four, 190 pounds, devastatingly handsome, black-haired,
Edited on Tue May-04-10 04:30 PM by Redstone
dichroic-eyed, suave, debonair, and witty (Oh, and I forgot to add, modest too)...and thoroughly married and thaerefore utterly, absolutely unavailable to anyone other than your wife.
(Hey, it works for me!)
Redstone
Is Redstone
less divulging what attracts
him? Kinda hard to tell.
Beer Snob-50 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 04:45 PM
Response to Original message
33. i have read where if you wipe your crotch with a towel
and then leave it on a chair, women will gravitate toward it.
Oooookay.
HopeHoops Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 05:05 PM
Response to Original message
34. Keep a 12" cucumber in your underwear and let $100 bills fall out of your back pockets.
Don't worry about the false advertising on the front side - the money will make up for that.
Does the cuke have to be organic? Free trade? Picked by an illegal immigrant?
edbermac Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 06:21 PM
Response to Original message
51. Be sure to leave the toilet seat down.
And you're halfway there.
Yup. Pretty much universal.
Lucian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 06:49 PM
Response to Original message
54. Make sure you have a fat wallet.
Again with the money. I thought DUmmies eschewed such things.
redqueen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Wed May-05-10 10:47 AM
Response to Reply #77
89. "I'm emotionally girly but not physically girly."
I like this. 
Now you're talkin'!
khawkings09 (50 posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 09:13 PM
Response to Original message
65. dress nicely in expensive suits
That's so...corporate.
noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Tue May-04-10 10:04 PM
Response to Original message
68. I can't speak for all women
But if you could show up at our office plant exchange with some lemon verbena and okra seedlings, that would at least get you noticed.
Any chance you normally carry either of those items on you?
raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Wed May-05-10 09:32 AM
Response to Original message
75. Have plastic surgery to make yourself look like Tom Selleck in the 1980's. nt
Nah. Too butch.
Rosie1223 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Wed May-05-10 10:06 AM
Response to Original message
82. Do ya cook?
Nothing more sexy than a man making dinner after I've had a long day at work. Except maybe him also doing the dishes.
Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Wed May-05-10 01:20 PM
Response to Reply #93
96. Most women fall in love with your ears
long before they fall in love with your wallet or other attributes. In other words, the guys who listened to us, who remembered the things we talked with them about and asked about them later, were typically the guys who ended up with someone who sticks.
I'm into smart, funny and thoughtful. I like handsome, too, but my ideas of handsome aren't the same as every other woman's on the planet. This works out well for me. In other words, I step of the line forming in front of Hugh Jackman/Matthew McConaughey/Robert Pattison/whoever else is the flavor of the moment and go find someone who listens to what I have to say, can talk with me about a variety of subjects, and makes me laugh.
There ya have it, Crock. Go get 'em, big guy.
