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Author Topic: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry  (Read 3664 times)

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Offline GOBUCKS

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Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« on: March 31, 2010, 06:18:41 PM »
Awful, simply awful. Responding to our criticism of her constant use of one-word lines, the CalPig goes overboard, with big, awkward, ugly wads of unrelated words:
Quote
CaliforniaPeggy  (1000+ posts)        Wed Mar-31-10 01:34 AM
Original message
The poem I didn't read tonight at the open mic... 
Since I didn't go...I hurt my wrist last night and have felt weird all day...Yeah, I went to the doctor and am better now...

I'll read this next week...


Moonrise


Watched the moon come up tonight, high in the eastern sky she looked as though someone were painting her

as though the sky were

canvas

I walked and felt moonrise all round me

who is the artist and where does he work but in my mind and yours

do we see it together or does the canvas separate us from that great reality of

moonrise


soon she will be

full...



© 2010 MLC

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9314432
As always, you may recite this CalPig poem for the enjoyment of friends and family, as I plan to do, but you may not accept their offers of payment.



I believe DUmmy Steerpike may be a budding poet in the CalPiggian style:
Quote
Steerpike  (1000+ posts)        Wed Mar-31-10 07:28 AM
Response to Original message
1. Good Morning Peg 
Nice job! The mind wraps around the poem like a snake on a hot summer day squeezing my heart softly hissing like a flat tire in a hot southern wind.
 
 

 
Quote
CaliforniaPeggy  (1000+ posts)        Wed Mar-31-10 11:45 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. My dear Steerpike... 
Thank you for rescuing me from complete ignominy!

And your sentence is a poem in its own right...

Yep, she likes it.


Quote
CaliforniaPeggy  (1000+ posts)        Wed Mar-31-10 11:58 AM
Response to Reply #3
4. You are too kind... 
I'm trying out a new way of writing, and I'm not very polished at it yet...
It would be interesting to know what "new way" she's talking about. It seems as awful as always.
I'm tempted to borrow use of the term "wordburger", but this "poem", embarrassingly bad as it is, falls far short of the worst she can do.
 
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Offline BEG

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2010, 06:22:53 PM »
What will she soon be full of?
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Offline ChuckJ

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2010, 06:37:32 PM »
Quote
Steerpike  (1000+ posts)        Wed Mar-31-10 07:28 AM
Response to Original message
1. Good Morning Peg
Nice job! The mind wraps around the poem like a snake on a hot summer day squeezing my heart softly hissing like a flat tire in a hot southern wind.

Shouldn't the above be written as follow...

The mind
wraps around the poem

like a snake

on a hot summer day
squeezing my heart softly

hissing

like a flat tire
 in a hot southern wind.

hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss.
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Offline Mike220

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2010, 06:48:02 PM »
That sucked so hard I thought the windows in my house would shatter.
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Offline lastparker

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2010, 06:58:28 PM »
Just stopping by to post the required CalPeg poetry warning.... oh, and to :puke:

Quote
Don't get me wrong - her poetry isn't bad.  It's awful.  It's the kind of thing that would blind God if He had to read it.  It's a collection of words that should be machine-gunned down, one by one, preferably out in the desert, with no witnesses, and a nice young girl who could be counted on to claim that she'd been shooting jackrabbits.  It's so bad, mirrors crack if anyone looking into a mirror while thinking of one of CP's poems runs the risk of permanent scarring, even blindness, while thinking of it as he peers into the mirror.

Her poetry needs immolation.  She needs to have all writing implements and keyboards, paper, blank walls, toilet paper, paper towels, margins in newspapers, and even the blank part of framed works of art removed from her home until this idea that she's writing "poetry" passes.  Maybe medication will help.
--TLB
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Offline dandi

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2010, 07:07:19 PM »
I feel

kind of

full

too

Be right

back

...

Ah that's

much better.
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Offline lars1701c

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2010, 07:27:21 PM »
What's most annoying is how she starts every post with "my dear so and so". WTF is up with that?










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Offline Carl

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #7 on: March 31, 2010, 07:51:54 PM »
It just has to be trying to out stupid itself with each of these inane things.
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Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #8 on: March 31, 2010, 08:06:01 PM »
I'm telling you, she can do much, much worse. In fact, she has, on many occasions. Some of her lines can stick in your mind like a cyst, or an abcess. For an example, here's the "money shot" from one of her efforts. It's too disgusting to quote any more:

Quote
He empties the aching seed


Need I say more? At least one of the DUmbasses appreciates her as much as we do:

Quote
WCGreen  (1000+ posts)        Wed Nov-21-07 01:08 AM
Response to Original message
22. Penicillin will take care of that Aching seed....
 

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Offline kenth

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #9 on: March 31, 2010, 10:12:27 PM »
Quote from: BEG on March 31, 2010, 06:22:53 PM
What will she soon be full of?

I think CPeg is mooning people again.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #10 on: March 31, 2010, 11:18:26 PM »
IT'S A MAN BABY! :blah:
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Offline Karin

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #11 on: April 01, 2010, 07:33:12 AM »
Of course, Steerpike is blowing smoke up her ass.  She doesn't see it, though. 

Outstanding poetic efforts by ChuckJ and dandi. 

This poem reminded me of some lyrics I hate....from Incubus' "Wish you were here."

"I lay my head onto the sand
The sky resembles a back lit canopy
With holes punched in it."

Dumb, just dumb. 

I cannot offer comment on the aching seed, as it's the first time I've seen it and I am thus speechless. 
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Offline The Village Idiot

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #12 on: April 01, 2010, 07:55:58 AM »
dug a hole
in the snow
took a poop
steam wafting up
covered it over
walked away
need more TP
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #13 on: April 01, 2010, 08:57:51 AM »
Meter, Peg.  It's not just 39.37 inches.

 :mental:
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Offline Red October

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #14 on: April 01, 2010, 09:14:18 AM »
Quote
Nice job! The mind wraps around the poem like a snake on a hot summer day squeezing my heart softly hissing like a flat tire in a hot southern wind.

You realize snakes squeeze to kill, right?
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Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #15 on: April 01, 2010, 10:44:40 AM »
How 'bout another couple lines from the CalPig? Remember, this is copyrighted material, so don't even think about charging admission when you recite it:

Quote
He strokes, and licks, and drinks me.

And then he enters

I feel almost no compassion for any DUmp family, but I have to admit to some twinges of sympathy for the unfortunate Mr. CalPig.
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Offline dandi

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #16 on: April 01, 2010, 10:50:53 AM »
Quote from: GOBUCKS on April 01, 2010, 10:44:40 AM
How 'bout another couple lines from the CalPig? Remember, this is copyrighted material, so don't even think about charging admission when you recite it:

I feel almost no compassion for any DUmp family, but I have to admit to some twinges of sympathy for the unfortunate Mr. CalPig.

Oh sweet petunia, no! Why did I have to read that?

Curse you, GOBUCKS!

*rolls into a fetal position*
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #17 on: April 01, 2010, 11:00:26 AM »
I'm torn in my reaction.  To the poetry, it's this:

:puke: :puke: :puke:

GOBUCKS, here's the one for you:

 :bird: :bird: :bird: :bird: :bird:

But, it's only for posting that drivel.  Where's TLB's review, anyway?
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Offline Karin

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #18 on: April 01, 2010, 12:59:45 PM »
Oh Dear God in Heaven. 

Gobucks, you'd better head for the hills. 

I have no sypathy for the Mr.  Assuming nobody held a gun to his head, he did marry her.  That's his problem.  But wait.  She actually posted this?
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Offline IassaFTots

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #19 on: April 01, 2010, 01:46:53 PM »
Quote from: BlueStateSaint on April 01, 2010, 11:00:26 AM
I'm torn in my reaction.  To the poetry, it's this:

:puke: :puke: :puke:

GOBUCKS, here's the one for you:

 :bird: :bird: :bird: :bird: :bird:

But, it's only for posting that drivel.  Where's TLB's review, anyway?

Up thread, first page, thanks to lastparker. 

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Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #20 on: April 01, 2010, 01:54:27 PM »
Quote from: Karin on April 01, 2010, 12:59:45 PM
Oh Dear God in Heaven. 

Gobucks, you'd better head for the hills. 

I have no sypathy for the Mr.  Assuming nobody held a gun to his head, he did marry her.  That's his problem.  But wait.  She actually posted this?
Indeed she did. I won't copy and paste it, because CalPig in the raw is way too much for this forum. You've been warned - follow the link at your own peril:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=216x4738
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #21 on: April 01, 2010, 02:24:29 PM »
Quote from: GOBUCKS on April 01, 2010, 01:54:27 PM
Indeed she did. I won't copy and paste it, because CalPig in the raw is way too much for this forum. You've been warned - follow the link at your own peril:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=216x4738


I will give you one of these:

 :hi5:

For having the discresion to give the warning.  :tongue:
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"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline Karin

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #22 on: April 01, 2010, 03:58:15 PM »
I donned the HAZMAT suit and went over.  Someone we know posted her own poem in response. 

Quote
Rising Phoenix  (1000+ posts)      Wed Nov-14-07 05:32 PM
Response to Reply #14
15.
one for you...

The summertime has a different feel.
Hot and sensuous
Ecstasy radiates off
Sweaty skin
Kissed by gentle breeze and
Perfumed by magnolias
Raining petals over
Laughing eyes
That die in the
Face of love
 

Have you ever seen such a juvenile collection of cliches?   This looks like it might be written by a 12-year old girl on a notepad decorated with unicorns and ponies, in purple ink with hearts used to dot the i's. 
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Offline kenth

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #23 on: April 01, 2010, 09:09:34 PM »
Quote from: dandi on April 01, 2010, 10:50:53 AM
Oh sweet petunia, no! Why did I have to read that?

Curse you, GOBUCKS!

*rolls into a fetal position*

Holy cow.

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Offline happy1ga

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Re: Another Steaming Pile Of CalPig Poetry
« Reply #24 on: April 02, 2010, 03:29:48 AM »
Where's the drip, drip, drip, drip part of the secks poem? Surely that's how it ends.
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