LINKEverybody Wants To Kill Bush
By Red Square
4/24/2007, 6:08 pm
A lesson in instant gratification went bad when a New York high-school freshman's remark about assassinating President Bush earned him a visit from the Secret Service, prompting a loud outcry from the educational community. "I don't know where this President is taking our country if a student can no longer openly express his idealistic aspirations and make a difference," says English teacher who oversaw the publication of the student magazine that printed the boy's statement. The comment about shooting the president to become "a national hero" appeared under a section titled, "How long does it take to live?" in which students answered questions of how they would spend their last 24 hours alive before attempting to assassinate George Bush.
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Irving Miqui, IMBS freshman, wrote: "Twenty-four hours to live, wow! Not enough time for me, but in those few hours I would go to see my mom and my little brother. I would go to the Dominican Republic just to see all my family and friends. I would also want to die on my soil, not in the United States. But before all of that, I would like to shoot George W. Bush, because in my opinion he is the worst president ever. After that was accomplished, I would be known as a national hero."
Keith Olbermann, MSNBC: This student doesn't care about the U.S. and doesn't consider it his own country. He wants to shoot George W. Bush because in his opinion he is the worst president ever. And he wants to be known as a national hero. Can't see anything wrong with that idea.
"It was a normal training exercise in instant gratification," the school principal told us in his office at the Educational Complex in the Chelsea area of Manhattan. "It is part of the curriculum aimed at purging the students' minds of all traces of the bourgeois concept of delayed rewards, and teaching them about the importance of instant gratification. Let us not forget that the epitome of instant gratification is the act of martyrdom by a Palestinian suicide bomber who only needs to push a button once to get a free one-way ticket to Paradise. As responsible educators, we don't want to put any wrong ideas in our student's heads about the possibility of them surviving such a heroic act."
"Isn't killing Bush a good thing?" argue Irving's schoolmates in their friend's defense. "Isn't Bush a capitalist criminal that stole oil from the Middle East and unleashed global warming on Iraq, leaving the impoverished locals to blow themselves up from heat and exhaustion? Well, who would we rather believe - you or our professionally trained teachers?"
The consensus among the students and the faculty is that the "controversial" kill-Bush remark was "not a big deal" and that the simple-minded 14-year-old honestly and correctly reiterated the meaning of what they had learned in class: (1) this country is not worth living in or dying for, (2) Bush is the worst president, which is why (3) he must be killed, and (4) killing anyone is OK if it serves the Greater Goodâ„¢.
Progressive Student:
Everybody wants to kill Bush! Don't you?
But the ACLU representative on campus sees it as a more complex issue. "On the one hand, we have a clear violation of every student's constitutional right to want to assassinate a Republican president. On the other hand, this student is a traitor and must be dealt with for disclosing the inner workings of the system, exposing it in a light that many still deem unfavorable. As the Party propaganda specialist, I can't say that his words were wrong - but they were certainly premature! This student double agent must become a non-student. Expel the saboteur!"
Randi Weingarten, president of the United Federation of Teachers, agrees: "While the end result of the progressive education is to make everyone want to kill George Bush, we haven't progressed enough to make it official yet."
Michael Moore: The problem here is America's upbeat, optimistic can-do attitude. That's what makes it stand apart from the rest of the world, and that's why it must be eliminated.
An Oscar-winning expert on public school violence Michael Moore told us this over the phone from his new office at Virginia Tech: "Progressive ideas of class struggle and changing the world for the Common Goodâ„¢ came to America from Europe, a land inhabited by passive dreamers who fantasize about doing things but hardly ever put their money where the mouth is. Superimposed on American can-do culture through mass media and public education, our notion of progress created an explosive mix that makes me want to move to Europe. Because where Europeans only wallow in dreamy theories, Americans go ahead and do it. Therefore, to prevent any further acts of terror or school shootings, we must eliminate America's can-do attitude that has outlived its usefulness.
While all parties involved are positive that the issue will be dealt with in due time, one question on everybody's minds remains unanswered: "Who was the snitch that leaked the damn paper to the Secret Service?"
