12,000 years BC
Caveman MarkNumbers strikes a rock against a rock, hoping to turn one into something edible.
Catches a small pile of twigs on fire. MarkNumbers squeals like a stuck pig and runs around like a little girl.
Trips over a pizza rock and falls on the fire, horribly burning his nether regions.
As other cave dwellers come to see what the commotion is about. He explains all about the Bush Family Evil Empire and how they arranged to have the fire start there, made the twigs be in that spot, put the pizza stone in that exact location and did all this to keep MarkNumbers from having children. But then, he wasn't going to, because try as he might, goats don't get pregnant that way.