This is a HUGE bonfire with lots and lots of hilarious posts. Most aren't DUmmy-specific, and many are lies (they are, after all, DUmmies), but they're still funny. The thread is way too big to bring over all the interesting posts. It's nearly all faceless, nameless, unknown DUmmies, but a few familiar names crop up, including, believe it or not, the Las Vegas Lardass. The tread is started by DUmmy Lil Missy, who is a carpetmuncher:
Lil Missy (1000+ posts) Sat Jan-30-10 09:33 PM
Original message
Describe the worst date you've ever been on.
Mine was about 5 years ago. Double date where some friends fixed me up with a blind date. My date left after dinner and said she'd meet us at the bar in an hour or so. She arrived 2 hours later with another friend - her current **** buddy. (So I was advised by my other 2 friends) She asked me if I'd like to shoot a game of pool with her, and I said "you sure that's okay with your other date?" Then I left.
Never saw or heard from her again. My other 2 friends disowned her.
What's your story?
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9231934Even when DUmmies aren't queer, it seems to be a popular topic during their dates:
CatholicEdHead (1000+ posts) Sun Jan-31-10 06:07 PM
Response to Reply #16
81. I had a similar one
It was a date through Match.com. I drove into St Paul for the meal. Somewhere along there we started talking Church issues and homosexuality came up. She blurted out of nowhere "gays are always smelly" and kept to it. She did not last long after the meal. She was very needy and probably ADHD.
Crazy Dave (1000+ posts) Sat Jan-30-10 09:50 PM
Response to Original message
4. Something similar
It was with a co-worker whose cell phone never stopped ringing and she never stopped talking on it. I asked her if one of her friends wanted to come get her or for me to take her home. Of course she thought I was being rude and unreasonable and called a friend back to come and get her.
I'm pretty sure DUmmy Ohio Joe is a liar, but he's funny:
Ohio Joe (1000+ posts) Sat Jan-30-10 09:56 PM
Response to Original message
7. oh... so many to choose from
I'll go with a girl I met on Match.com, when we went out on our first (and only) date, we met at a restaurant. We had dinner and talked a while but I was just not getting a good feeling. We finished up and walked outside, I told her I did not think we would be good together and that I was going to keep looking on Match and that I hoped she found her match. Holy crap... she went ballistic, cursing and yelling and slapping at me. I backed away, got into my car and left. I drove the three miles to my home and when I got in, she had left a message on my home phone (time stamp was just a few minutes before, so after the parking lot incident) and it says she had a great time tonight and that she couldn't wait till our next date and that I should call her when I got home. Delete, ignore. Two days later, Sunday morning and I'm watching some TV, drinking my coffee and I hear someone yelling outside. I open the window and look out and... damn, there she is, yelling at my building all kinds of weird non-sense. How could I just dump her after all this time... After all we had been through... She had given me everything... WTF? I went out and told her if she did not leave I would first call the cops then get a restraining order. Fortunately, she left.
Ohio Joe (1000+ posts) Sat Jan-30-10 11:24 PM
Response to Reply #15
42. One of my other Match.com dates
We meet at a restaurant, she comes over as I'm getting out of my car and gives me a big hug. We knew what each other looked like and had been talking through email and over the phone for a few weeks, so this was cool. We go in and sit down and the waitress comes over gives us menus and asks if we would like something to drink. I order a diet coke and she orders a carafe of wine. She finished the first carafe before appetizers got there and the second by the time dinner was served. During dinner she started getting a bit mean, calling the waitress a skank, threw a piece of food at the bartender (we were sitting in the bar area), started cursing at other patrons, all of this in a very "holy shit that girl is wasted" manner. The manager of the place came over with the check and asked me to pay it and get her out, so I apologized and did. I paid the check at the bar and went back to the table where she was now passed out. I carried her out to her car, put her in the back seat then went across the street to a gas station and got her some bottled water. I moved my car over next to hers and waited... a few hours later she came to. I asked her if she was ok to drive and in return she asked me if we could try another date. I just said good night and left. I might have let it slide and just put it down to nervousness but that she is a mean drunk really bothered me as I do enjoy going out and partying from time to time.
I think DUmmy Quantess is bragging about nearly killing a guy:
Quantess (1000+ posts) Sat Jan-30-10 09:56 PM
Response to Original message
8. He was sweaty for some unknown reason
and he just layed there and didn't move at all.
Lil Missy (1000+ posts) Sat Jan-30-10 10:24 PM
Response to Reply #8
17. withdrawal?
Quantess (1000+ posts) Sun Jan-31-10 12:32 AM
Response to Reply #17
48. Well, no... I don't know what his problem was, and it wasn't our very first date.
(I was talking about sex. We only did it once and I never wanted to see him again after that.)
Most men start their first date with a DUmmy chick like this:
LynneSin (1000+ posts) Sat Jan-30-10 10:18 PM
Response to Original message
14. When the guy told me in the first 15 minutes that he likes to get head at the end of all his dates
We ended ours pretty much right there on the spot and I can assure you there was NO happy endings!
Back to carpetmunching:
Lil Missy (1000+ posts)
Response to Reply #14
22. Believe it or not, I had a similar experience with a woman once. She was my first woman date.
She said she's better ****in' get lucky by the coming weekend. I thought she was joking. She wasn't. We didn't last long.
Kaleva (1000+ posts) Sat Jan-30-10 10:33 PM
Response to Original message
23. She pissed on the sidewalk and was a lesbian who hated men.
The evening was doomed before it began but it was fun in that "I could've died or ended up in the hospital" kind of way.
DUmmy stevenumbers would have loved that chick.
jmm (1000+ posts) Sat Jan-30-10 11:01 PM
Response to Original message
29. He argued with me that "The Blair Witch Project" was a real documentary.
I knew it would be our one and only date when he insisted he was a vegetarian because he didn't exclusively eat meat. Then he started talking about the movie and said I had to see it because it really happened. When I told him that was just a marketing trick and the cast had been giving numerous interviews his face lit up and he said, "Really? They found them?"
The Lardass has a very weird story, a lie of course, but funny:
Systematic Chaos (1000+ posts) Sun Jan-31-10 05:16 AM
Response to Original message
53. I once dated a fundie nutcase. Gee, what fun.
This was before my DU days, back in 1998. I lived and worked in Pahrump, NV back then, and the only things to do socially pretty much involved bars in that town. That's not my style. As you may recall, phone dating was the big thing back then, as the internet was still young and I didn't own a computer anyway. I placed an ad with the Las Vegas singles rag and spoke with a few women, nothing really came of any of it until I got a contact from this one girl who professed to be a Christian. I "dated" her for several months, and was really in love with a number of her good points (yes, she really did have a few), but she insisted on keeping me at arm's length because I was honest about my non-Christian status. She worked as a nanny in Las Vegas proper, by the way, and most of her income was room and board, so guess who not only paid for everything, but when we did restaurants she was always damn near certain to order the most expensive thing on the menu.
Our final evening together was shortly after my 30th birthday in 1999. She seemed to want to talk about things, and I wanted to try and reconcile the whole Christianity issue, so we decided to go in my car to the outskirts of town where what roads there were were just gravel trails, and it was nice and quiet. She started talking, at length, about her previous boyfriend and how he mistreated her and everything. I listened to this for a while, and then came out and asked her if she didn't think I was very different from this guy, and was it really such a big deal that I didn't have the same faith she did? Her answer to that was to say that, and I quote, "I have no problem with a man putting me in my place".
Then -- and remember, we were off on some dark gravel trail with the nearest houses about a mile away -- she started talking explicitly about her sex life with this former boyfriend. I'm talking oral sex and everything. I'm sitting there in the dark, with this woman I'm in love with sitting right next to me telling me on the one hand that she could never love me, and on the other sending me into a blue-balled frenzy. As soon as I could find the words to ask if she was ready to go home, I did so. We talked a couple days later, and I asked her why the **** she thought it was a good idea to mess up my head the way she did, and her reply was something like "well, I figured since you weren't able to have me, this would be the next best thing". And that was the last, or close to the last, time I saw her. We spoke on the phone now and again after that, but ironically it was over Christmas of that year when I left a couple of messages on her machine wishing her and the family she worked for a Merry Christmas and she never bothered calling back.
One thing I wonder is if she somehow didn't want me to pull something on her in the car that night. I've never been the type of guy to try and force contact with a woman, but I wonder how many guys out there would have in response to all of her dirty talk that night?
I'm not usually the kind of person to wish things like this on people, but I hope she spends the rest of her life enslaved to some Dominionist man who makes her life a lonely living nightmare.
That desperate chick doesn't know how lucky she was. She coulda taken the place of Jeanette the slave girl, wiping Kirk's ass.
Speaking of Jeanette the slave girl:
Systematic Chaos (1000+ posts) Sun Jan-31-10 09:43 PM
Response to Reply #68
88. Well to hell with her if she didn't "get it".
You have no ****ing idea how ecstatic I am to have a wife who took a liking to my Progressive and Experimental Music with no real prompting from me at all. It's rare enough among the general population, but to stumble on a partner who likes oddball music is so nice!
The behemoth should be listening to "Sweatin' With The Oldies".
tango-tee (237 posts) Sun Jan-31-10 09:18 AM
Response to Original message
57. I may be everyone's Date From Hell all wrapped up in one.
I was meeting this guy for dinner at an Italian restaurant. Cozy, small round tables, very romantic. We're sitting across from each other, having some wine.
We ordered seafood salad for starters and bistecca alla pizzaiola (the kind with the chunky tomato sauce) as the main dish. While eating the salad, I bit into this whole cherry tomato, and the juice and seeds squirted out of my mouth, onto my date's white shirt. Embarrassing... Then I decided the salad needed a bit of lemon juice to liven it up. Squeezed the lemon, and the juice went straight into my date's eye. There he was, with a stained shirt, and tears running down his face.
This was not all! The main dish was served, steaming hot. As I tried to cut into the steak, it slid off my plate, tomato sauce and all, and onto my lap. It was summer and my legs were bare. I yelped, jumped up, steak fell to the floor. The other guests were amused.
We left the restaurant - me looking as though I had been in a knife fight, his eye red and swollen from the lemon juice, plus looking as though he still needed to eat with a bib around his neck.
I never saw that guy again, either.
Stevenumbers would have loved her, too.
This chick did meet stevenumbers:
blue neen (1000+ posts) Sun Jan-31-10 06:58 PM
Response to Original message
82. The dude pinched my little sister's butt (she was only 14 at the time, I was 22).
Seriously. To this day, we do not mention his name.
DUmmy Forkboy is a flaming, blazing faggot:
Forkboy (1000+ posts) Sun Jan-31-10 10:36 PM
Response to Original message
90. I never dated.
I can honestly say that by 15 everyone knew what they were getting and I knew what I was getting. It made for some great nights!
