Oh, the pathos:
Nuclear Unicorn (678 posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Fri Jan-22-10 07:03 PM
Original message
I think I screwed up...BAD
We all know what the week has been like politically. It's been devastating for progressives from Brown to Air America to the SCOTUS ruling.
Last night I was pretty angry about all of it. The BF came over. We promised not to talk politics with each other because he's basically conservative.
But I was pissed.
Every time he tried to put his arms around me I pulled away. When he asked what was wrong I told him. He got mad for breaking my promise and it started.
I basically blurted out, "to hell with promises these people are a bunch of ****ing racist, bigoted, mysogynist homophobes who will kill us all."
I never saw him so hurt.
He just grabbed his jacket and left.
I threw a sofa pillow after him but before it left my fingers I knew I had screwed up.
I tried calling him but he sent it to voice mail.
I didn't know what to say.
He's the most special person I've ever been with and we've been through a lot in the last year. Even his fundie parents warmed up to me after I started supporting him in his PTSD therapy. We have our differences but he never once stopped trying to make me feel special. He's a big kid that doesn't hesitate to make a fool of himself if he thinks it'll make me smile. It can be -20 out and he'll show up at the crack of dawn to help start my car. My last BF wouldn't even get a job. This one works 12-plus hours a day and then takes me away for entire weekends and dinners.
I believe what I said. I think the corporations will choke our freedoms and kill the planet.
But should I keep back my politics when I'm around him?
I just feel sick about this. I think I love him (something I swore I'd never say again). It was supposed to just be a casual hook-up but it's lasted just over a year.
Does love trump convictions?
What do I say or do to tell him I'm sorry?
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9220988Ah...DUmb love
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Fri Jan-22-10 07:10 PM
Response to Original message
1. He's not the enemy, he's a working stiff.
Unless he reveals he owns a factory, he, you, us, are all the prey and have to stick together. His politics will evaporate in the face of reality. Call him up. The only thing you have to be sorry for is mistaking him for a capitalist.
The Velveteen Ocelot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Fri Jan-22-10 07:23 PM
Response to Original message
6. That's a tough situation.
The question, I think, is whether you can have a really solid relationship with someone when you have to suppress your beliefs about certain fundamental ideas. You are a liberal because you feel strongly that the world should work in a certain way. That's part of what you are. If you have to leave that part of you out of your relationship with this guy, what will happen? Will you always feel like you're walking on eggs when a major political development occurs and you can't even talk about it for fear of offending him or getting into an argument?
I don't know the answer. Personally, I'd have a tough time getting into a committed relationship under these circumstances; I don't think I could ever love a real conservative. Maybe he's got enough going for him that you can ignore that aspect of him. But I don't think it will go well if you feel you can't discuss such things at all.
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Nuclear Unicorn (678 posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Fri Jan-22-10 07:36 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. It was a mutual suppression
We were having fun. We agreed we wouldn't talk politics.
I never wanted to hear his conservative talking points. He didn't want to hear my progressive ones.
It was supposed to just be fun so it was an easy arrangment.
I didn't mean to start having feelings for him. It just happened. He'll probably hate me for that too.
jobycom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Sat Jan-23-10 12:20 AM
Response to Original message
10. Yes.
Love trumps political convictions.
My closest friend right now--someone I might be romantic with if she weren't married--is a conservative, and religious. I'm liberal and atheist. We can have long conversations and rarely mention religion or politics. We've had run-ins--she basically tried to convert me once, and I barely spoke to her for weeks after that. It hurts having someone you love tell you your beliefs and ideals are wrong, and inferior to theirs. But we got past that. I never did that to her probably just because she did it first, if that makes sense.
If you feel as passionate as you sound about him, call him over and over and apologize over and over until he hears you. Text, email, write his name in the snow, whatever. Make him tell you to go away before you do. Everyone snaps at the people they love sometimes. People forgive that. He needs to know that you get it, and understand why he was hurt, and that you don't feel like that about him. He'll come around if he feels the same as you.
Don't let anyone else tell you who you can love. That's up to you, and between you and him. Good luck. That's my useless opinion. 
Apologizing on your knees always helps.
MiddleFingerMom Donating Member (376 posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Sat Jan-23-10 01:03 AM
Response to Original message
11. Screwed up... BAD?????
Just listen to yourself.
.
1. He's the most special person I've ever been with and we've been
through a lot in the last year.
.
2. Even his fundie parents warmed up to me after I started supporting
him in his PTSD therapy.
.
3. We have our differences but he never once stopped trying to make me
feel special.
.
4. He's a big kid that doesn't hesitate to make a fool of himself if
he thinks it'll make me smile.
.
5. It can be -20 out and he'll show up at the crack of dawn to help
start my car.
.
6. My last BF wouldn't even get a job. This one works 12-plus hours
a day and then takes me away for entire weekends and dinners.
.
.
WTF?!?!? It's not just me. I think there are a TON of people out here
who would LOVE to have a person half so kind and warm and considerate
and respectful and, yes... LOVING.
.
And I think we could learn to deal with his misguided support for the
wrong ideology. Someone in this thread said it well -- he's not THE
ENEMY; he's a working stiff.
.
I don't think you screwed up... "BAD".
.
I think you ****ED UP MONU-****ING-MENTALLY.
.
Run, don't walk... and do whatever you have to to convince him that
you were ranting about "them", not him (unless you WERE ranting
about him -- if that's so, forget everything I said... and forget him).
.
Good luck!! I envy you for what you had and, if you're lucky, what you
can still have.
.
He sounds like something of a knight on a white charger, and there ain't
a whole lot of them out there anymore.
.
And for him to treat you so well -- that strongly suggests to me that
you're also someone very special. I hope you can tolerate the negative
aspects of your ideological differences, because it certainly sounds like
you both deserve the wonderful positive aspects of each other.
.
Don't tell anyone else that I got serious here. This is just between you
and me. OK?
heh
Then there's this jack-hole:
noamnety (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Sat Jan-23-10 12:44 PM
Response to Original message
17. Is he a veteran?
asking because of the PTSD comment, and because it would fit a particular pattern of being military, conservative, and being a bit of a male supremacist (controlling behavior) while at the same time wanting to come to the rescue of a damsel in distress (starting your car at the crack of dawn).
I don't have any advice about the relationship itself or where your priorities should be regarding love vs. values, but I would encourage you to learn how to start your own car when it's cold out. If you need help, don't let him do it for you, make him teach you so you can be self-sufficient. And then BE self-sufficient.
Only with DUmmies is an act of support and kindness a male supremacist acting out.
Dear Conservative Wimmenz of CC,
If your car wouldn't start and you called your husband/boyfriend/gigolo-on-retainer and his response was "learn how to start your own car when it's cold out"...what would be YOUR response?
