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Author Topic: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem  (Read 2555 times)

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Offline GOBUCKS

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DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« on: January 08, 2010, 07:38:49 PM »
DUmmy CalPig, the #10 DUmmy of 2009, has submitted another of her excruciating poems. At least this one does not include  revolting images of the CalPig in the throes of sexual ecstasy, as most of them do. But it's grim nonetheless:

Quote
CaliforniaPeggy  (1000+ posts)        Fri Jan-08-10 07:54 PM
Original message
My newest poem: Fog 
 it rolls over the
hills the street the cars
billowing up against the
end of day

Visibility zero

Over my
shoulder
the sun
dances against the sky

but it is losing

the fog comes on
not stopping


the landscape
disappears
nothing looks
right

I know this street
but not

tonight

the fog has
taken it

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9203967

Luckily, we have a review of her poetry already written up and ready to go. It allows us to evaluate the CalPig's work without having to read it:

Quote
Don't get me wrong - her poetry isn't bad.  It's awful.  It's the kind of thing that would blind God if He had to read it.  It's a collection of words that should be machine-gunned down, one by one, preferably out in the desert, with no witnesses, and a nice young girl who could be counted on to claim that she'd been shooting jackrabbits.  It's so bad, mirrors crack if anyone looking into a mirror while thinking of one of CP's poems runs the risk of permanent scarring, even blindness, while thinking of it as he peers into the mirror...
Her poetry needs immolation.  She needs to have all writing impletments and keyboards, paper, blank walls, toilet paper, paper towels, margins in newspapers, and even the blank part of framed works of art removed from her home until this idea that she's writing "poetry" passes.  Maybe medication will help.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2010, 08:14:16 PM by GOBUCKS »
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Offline kenth

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2010, 07:49:55 PM »
Yep, that's a steaming pile of words there.
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Offline Carl

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2010, 07:57:21 PM »
Ain`t no drugs out there good enough to make that worth reading.
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Offline The Village Idiot

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2010, 10:00:21 PM »
Goodness. She/he comes up with these things while using Stinky's toilet or something?
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Offline Splashdown

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2010, 10:10:23 PM »
Quote
Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine--in a desperate attempt to save humanity--leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.

Obviously the author of the Hitchhiker's Guide never read CaliforniaPeggy's verse, or else we'd have a new number one!
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Offline Duke Nukum

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2010, 10:16:55 PM »
Quote from: Splashdown on January 08, 2010, 10:10:23 PM
Obviously the author of the Hitchhiker's Guide never read CaliforniaPeggy's verse, or else we'd have a new number one!
Well, we only have the dolphins to blame for that.
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Offline lastparker

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #6 on: January 09, 2010, 08:15:50 AM »
There should be a new CC rule that all of CalPeg's poetry be followed by TLB's brilliant disclaimer.  I can't read it often enough.
Quote
Don't get me wrong - her poetry isn't bad.  It's awful.  It's the kind of thing that would blind God if He had to read it.  It's a collection of words that should be machine-gunned down, one by one, preferably out in the desert, with no witnesses, and a nice young girl who could be counted on to claim that she'd been shooting jackrabbits.  It's so bad, mirrors crack if anyone looking into a mirror while thinking of one of CP's poems runs the risk of permanent scarring, even blindness, while thinking of it as he peers into the mirror...
Her poetry needs immolation.  She needs to have all writing impletments and keyboards, paper, blank walls, toilet paper, paper towels, margins in newspapers, and even the blank part of framed works of art removed from her home until this idea that she's writing "poetry" passes.  Maybe medication will help.
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Offline diesel driver

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #7 on: January 09, 2010, 06:04:01 PM »
I rather relieve myself on a copy of CalPig's poems.... :pisscontest:
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2010, 08:32:36 AM »
The horror is seared, yes seared, into my brain.

To be fair to Douglas Adams, he wrote that description long before DU existed and CP started posting her unique form of mental terrorism on it.
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Offline AllosaursRus

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2010, 01:11:24 PM »
I gotta tell y'all, every time I see Piggy and poetry in the same sentence I have a disdainfully urge to wretch!

 Please cease and desist!
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Offline PatriotGame

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #10 on: January 10, 2010, 02:21:44 PM »
Is it time for another DUmp member Haiku thread?

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It - California Peggy

My Face, Look! A Man!
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #11 on: January 10, 2010, 02:44:26 PM »
Quote from: PatriotGame on January 10, 2010, 02:21:44 PM
Is it time for another DUmp member Haiku thread?

DNA Backwards

It - California Peggy

My Face, Look! A Man!

PRK Peggy
A grunt, and then a grimace
A poem slides out
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Offline Chris

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #12 on: January 10, 2010, 02:50:10 PM »
 :rotf: nice work...
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #13 on: January 10, 2010, 03:40:45 PM »
Okay, let me try . . .

CalPig wants a muse
An unoccupied outhouse
Looking in both holes

Yeah, I know . . . not all that good.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #14 on: January 10, 2010, 05:17:54 PM »
I'm just grateful it wasn't loaded with sex this time.  My mind can't handle that.
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Offline Karin

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Re: DUmmy CalPig Relieves Herself Of Another Poem
« Reply #15 on: January 11, 2010, 07:28:06 AM »
Tanker...Pure brilliance!!

Quote
CaliforniaPeggy  (1000+ posts)        Fri Jan-08-10 10:05 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. My dear Richardo!
 I thank you...

I always find it amazing just how the words emerge. I never know...

 :lmao: :lmao: :loser:
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