Coming soon- Another DUmmy woman kicked to the curb- Anybody need one?

[Tucker]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9190669

mnhtnbb  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)  Journal  Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Wed Dec-30-09 03:47 PM
Original message
Divorce and separation were just discussed
   
Edited on Wed Dec-30-09 04:41 PM by mnhtnbb


I think it was a case of the straw breaking the camel's back.

At lunch, when I didn't respond to the topic of sexual practices of a 4 million old creature
(the newest discovery--Ardi) http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/10/091001-...

I was told that my lack of interest was "destructive of our relationship".

This was after I brought home books from the library about small houses and spaces because we have
hired an architect to build a house on the lot where ours burned down two years ago and discussion
regarding that was dropped in order to tell me about Ardi.


OK. I'll back up. We'll be married 25 years next May. There are ways that I don't give him
the recognition he wants (professionally and in terms of some of his interests --like fossils)
and I have told him, many times over the years, that I can't be all things for him. He wants
me to be interested in everything he wants to talk about, and I can't pretend. We do have a lot
of interests in common, but not everything.

I have had some serious losses throughout the 25 years, including our stillborn daughter, my dog
for whom he was responsible when I was confined to bed during a difficult pregnancy and he let
her out, knowing she had been in the street the day before when he didn't take her on the leash, and she was run over. When our house burned down two years ago, I blamed him. Was it accidental? We'll never
know, but we believe the fire started from a barbeque--and I'd asked him to clear the dry leaves
away that were next to it. He didn't. I didn't--because I was 3 weeks post hip replacement and had just
transitioned from a walker to a cane.

So, the effect is that I have a very difficult time trusting my husband. I have been very upset--depressed--over the loss of our home and everything in it. I have just been coming out of this to feeling
better and more normal and then, wham.

He wants me to see a therapist (he is a psychiatrist/psychoanalyst) because he doesn't think I should
be making this decision to separate (mine, I brought it up) when I'm depressed. I really think I'm depressed because I'm tired of being criticized for being "destructive to the relationship" whenever
I'm not interested in something he wants from me. He wants me to change. I'm not interested in being
somebody different for him. I have come to the conclusion that if I'm not what he wants, then maybe it is better to separate.

Still, I don't want to throw away 25 years. I've agreed to go see a therapist, but I think it's just
going to confirm the decision I've already reached.

Thoughts? I'd appreciate any comments.

She sounds like the sane one of the bunch. BTW. Why do they rush to post this kind of stuff?

mnhtnbb  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)  Journal  Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Wed Dec-30-09 04:05 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. Thanks for sharing your story.
   
Edited on Wed Dec-30-09 04:07 PM by mnhtnbb
He thinks my wanting to separate is self-destructive; I'm seeing it as helpful to lifting my depression.
The only way to know which is right is to separate--and if that's the wrong thing, it would make my depression worse. I see the risk.

Now something from the possible DUmmy of the year.

greenbriar  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Wed Dec-30-09 05:07 PM
Response to Original message
5. I am sorry. I will pray things work out for the best
   
you are in my thoughts

MichiganVote  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Wed Dec-30-09 10:02 PM
Response to Original message
9. So you need to see a therpist b/c you're not interested in his fossils?
   
I'm sorry, I'd never make fun of you or your sorrow but could a guy get any more ridiculous than that?

Men usually want their wives to consume themselves with their lives---immature, self absorbed men. That's a phase he should have grown out of long ago. He should be lucky, I let my husband rattle on for awhile and then pretty soon I just tell him enough, I've got it and I'm done listening now that you are repeating yourself. Took him about 5 years to get it but now its ok.

Therapists are usually good people who are interested in you. You pay them to be interested in you. When was the last time that happened to you? Try it out, you might just like it.

Good luck with the fossils.

 

EFerrari  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)  Journal  Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Wed Dec-30-09 11:06 PM
Response to Original message
11. Having a therapist on your side during this process
   
may be a good idea no matter what you decide. Do shop, though, if you can. It's hard to summon the energy to do that in a depression but a good fit, you know. I went through a divorce three years ago after 12 years and it was brutal. I wouldn't with that anyone. Good luck, sweetie.

Has it only been three years?

[Oceander]

Geez, lady, forget about the therapist - there's no way this side of Heaven you're going to get that malignant narcissist cured.  Save what little is left of your self-respect, and walk.

[SilverOrchid]

Are you f***ing serious? He is butthurt over her lack of interst over  fossils and what they did sexally? WTH? I would drop kick that loser in a heartbeat. Get yourself a good lawyer, lady!

[thundley4]

Are you f***ing serious? He is butthurt over her lack of interst over  fossils and what they did sexally? WTH? I would drop kick that loser in a heartbeat. Get yourself a good lawyer, lady!

Remember, Dummies Lie , they lie all the time.  I'm sure there is more to the story, like maybe how much she talks about DU or politics in general.

[SilverOrchid]

Remember, Dummies Lie , they lie all the time.  I'm sure there is more to the story, like maybe how much she talks about DU or politics in general.

True.

[GOBUCKS]

Now wait a minute! She's telling the DUmp she blames him for her mutt getting run over, and she blames him for the house burning down, and she refuses to even feign interest in anything he says, and she says she doesn't trust the guy, and at the same time acknowledges that she is in a depression. So you buy her description of her husband?

I'd say in her post she describes herself as the prototypical DUmmette. She sounds like a smarter version of Beth Ferrari, describing Doug. More likely, if her husband is a practicing psychiatrist, she's dreaming of dollar signs.

[SilverOrchid]

Now wait a minute! She's telling the DUmp she blames him for her mutt getting run over, and she blames him for the house burning down, and she refuses to even feign interest in anything he says, and she says she doesn't trust the guy, and at the same time acknowledges that she is in a depression. So you buy her description of her husband?

I'd say in her post she describes herself as the prototypical DUmmette. She sounds like a smarter version of Beth Ferrari, describing Doug. More likely, if her husband is a practicing psychiatrist, she's dreaming of dollar signs.

You make a good point.

[AllosaursRus]

Now wait a minute! She's telling the DUmp she blames him for her mutt getting run over, and she blames him for the house burning down, and she refuses to even feign interest in anything he says, and she says she doesn't trust the guy, and at the same time acknowledges that she is in a depression. So you buy her description of her husband?

I'd say in her post she describes herself as the prototypical DUmmette. She sounds like a smarter version of Beth Ferrari, describing Doug. More likely, if her husband is a practicing psychiatrist, she's dreaming of dollar signs.

Not only that, but if "Toots" posted my personal shit in the damned internet she knows she'd be lookin' for another place to live! I cannot believe what these attention whores post on the world wide web! Nothing is private to these idiots!

[The Village Idiot]

Even when they get themselves a new "toy" for Christmas... lol.

Sounds like she has already wasted 25 years. They won't come back no matter how many therapists she sees.

[delilahmused]

You know, I can think of a bunch of ways to get my husband's mind off fossils or whatever other topic I don't happen to be as interested in. Liberal women have zero creativity! And anyway, what's the big deal about listening to your husband talk about what he's interested in?

Cindie

[franksolich]

More likely, if her husband is a practicing psychiatrist, she's dreaming of dollar signs.

I'll bet he's not.

I'll bet the primitive made that up.

[Tucker]

I'll bet he's not.

I'll bet the primitive made that up.

I agree. It's immoral and in some places illegal for a psychiatrist to have sexual relations with a patient who doesn't have the mental capability to understand.

[Karin]

I just don't understand the life shattering matters the goons post at the DUmp.  Maybe I'm too much in the other extreme, but I didn't even tell my own family until my divorce was pretty much a done deal.  Internet forums cannot help you in these situations.  They can't heal a broken heart, or straighten out confusion or fear of future.  They can, however, bring out some predators. 

[PatriotGame]

He wants me to see a therapist (he is a psychiatrist/psychoanalyst) because he doesn't think I should be making this decision to separate (mine, I brought it up) when I'm depressed.

I will be the best psychiatrist you could EVER have:

Kill yourself now!

That will be $200.00 - cash...

[PatriotGame]

Remember, Dummies Lie , they lie all the time.  I'm sure there is more to the story, like maybe how much she talks about DU or politics in general.

Precisely!
Hence my recommending she kill herself to save the 'normal' world from her lunacy.

[The Village Idiot]

Peanut non-donating member (1 post)

I am glad to have found a home where the one brain-celled creature can be King... er or Queen... whatever I am.

 

[Tucker]

timtom  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)  Journal  Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Thu Dec-31-09 10:22 AM

Response to Original message
16. It is your duty to be there for him.
   
Consult your priest or rabbi.

This from a 1000+ poster. He's heading for the burial vault.

[DumbAss Tanker]

Remember, Dummies Lie , they lie all the time.  I'm sure there is more to the story, like maybe how much she talks about DU or politics in general.

My thoughts exactly.  Of course his side may be "Damn, I tried everything to get that bitch to leave, running over her dog, burning down the house with her in it and bedridden, but nothing worked.  I never realized it would be as simple as just talking about paleontology to her stupid, incurious ass."

[JohnnyReb]

Kicked to the curb....thrown under the bus....damn DUmmies litter the highways.

[DefiantSix]

Kicked to the curb....thrown under the bus....damn DUmmies litter the highways.

Well, it's not like it's worth the effort to recycle them for soylent green, is it?

[The Village Idiot]

She can always move in with the Rising Peanut primitive.

[BlueStateSaint]

Well, it's not like it's worth the effort to recycle them for soylent green, is it?

Only if you fill out the 2000-page Environmental Impact Statement . . .

[Chris_]

crim son  (1000+ posts)        Thu Dec-31-09 07:56 PM
Response to Original message
 
29. My divorce was without a doubt the worst, most painful,

 Edited on Thu Dec-31-09 07:57 PM by crim son

destructive, miserable, soul-shriveling, nightmarish and never-ending event of my life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Go to counseling. My marriage lasted eighteen years. I suffer from depression and various illnesses and my ex is a physicist... I see similarities. My ex lost my inheritance in bad investments and was unable to apologize. We had little in the way of an intimate life but three years after separating I am still just reeling from loss.

I initiated the divorce. There are many ways to love, and many reasons & almost nobody lives anything close to the fairy-tale we are taught to hope for. It's hard work, it's depressing, it's lonely and it's just the way relationships are. GO TO COUNSELING. I chose not to. DON'T BE LIKE ME. You have, possibly, no idea how freaking hard it is to start again on your own when you've shared a life with somebody for a quarter century.

-Lisa

WOW.  All this time I was under the impression her husband was fed up with her drinking.  She finally stopped teasing SPKrazy since he up and remarried. She drove him KRAZY.   

[The Village Idiot]

WOW.  All this time I was under the impression her husband was fed up with her drinking.  She finally stopped teasing SPKrazy since he up and remarried. She drove him KRAZY.   

I am not familiar with Crim Son, seems like an average DUmmie female.

[Chris_]

She's steady drunk posting in the lounge.  Older woman.  Can't FIND herself.