Author Topic: Salami battle in supermarket leaves Germans in hospital  (Read 1593 times)

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Offline bijou

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Salami battle in supermarket leaves Germans in hospital
« on: December 14, 2009, 11:53:57 AM »
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Two Germans needed hospital treatment after they fought a pitched battle in a supermarket with salamis used as clubs and a chunk of Parmesan cheese brandished like a dagger.  The fight took place in the western city of Aachen when a 74-year-old man and a 35-year-old woman both laid claim to a shopping trolley on Saturday.
As the pensioner wrestled the cart from the hands of his rival, her 24-year-old brother stepped forward and floored him with a punch.
Together with their 53-year-old mother, the brother and sister then took the trolley into the supermarket. But the OAP came round and followed them to the cheese counter.
He clubbed the younger man with a salami as his mother tried to fend him off with a sharp 4lbs piece of Parmesan.
The pensioner then pushed the woman down on to a glass countertop on which she cracked her head. ...
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What riff-raff, this wouldn't have happened if they had been well-bread.



Offline DefiantSix

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Re: Salami battle in supermarket leaves Germans in hospital
« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2009, 11:55:27 AM »
Nothin' to see here.  Just a couple of Germans slappin' the salami...
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Offline thundley4

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Re: Salami battle in supermarket leaves Germans in hospital
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2009, 11:58:22 AM »
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The trolley was undamaged.

Thank goodness.

Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: Salami battle in supermarket leaves Germans in hospital
« Reply #3 on: December 14, 2009, 12:04:35 PM »
The wurst shopping experience evah!
Go and tell the Spartans, O traveler passing by
That here, obedient to their law, we lie.

Anything worth shooting once is worth shooting at least twice.

Offline bijou

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Re: Salami battle in supermarket leaves Germans in hospital
« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2009, 12:07:56 PM »
The wurst shopping experience evah!
Oooh, that pun was a bit cheesy.



Offline Eupher

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Re: Salami battle in supermarket leaves Germans in hospital
« Reply #5 on: December 14, 2009, 12:08:14 PM »
Rentner: "Ich muss den Wagen haben, weil ich keine Tüte habe."

Mutter: Das ist uns egal, ob Sie eine Tüte haben oder nicht. Sie sind alleine; wir sind zu dritt. Holger, hol' dir mal ein Käse -- falls er sich eine Stange Salami holt."

Tochter: Don't worry, Mom. I got your back. And Holger too. You never know where he's gonna play hide the salami."
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Offline asdf2231

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Re: Salami battle in supermarket leaves Germans in hospital
« Reply #6 on: December 14, 2009, 03:36:44 PM »




Build a man a fire and he will be warm for awhile.
Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life...

Offline The Village Idiot

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Re: Salami battle in supermarket leaves Germans in hospital
« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2009, 05:13:51 PM »
I don't get it. What were they fighting for? Liberty? lol.

Offline Eupher

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Re: Salami battle in supermarket leaves Germans in hospital
« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2009, 09:04:03 AM »
Aachen is in the German far west. That means, by extension, that they have a bit of a cowboy philosophy.

Going to the grocery store is a big deal in Germany. Most everybody makes it an outing. The women put on lipstick and brush their hair while the men do their damndest to avoid going to begin with - but if they're going, they're going with a vengeance.

Enter the shopping cart/trolley dilemma. There is a certain protocol in obtaining, handling and getting rid of your shopping cart in Germany. While the Germans aren't nearly as polite in waiting in queue as are the Brits, they do tend to wait their turn. But it's anybody's guess as to why the elderly gentleman attempted to wrest the trolley from the threesome, except that he was NOT going to wait any longer than absolutely necessary for one. And based on the story, it would appear that the threesome felt power just by being a threesome. In any event, the elderly gentleman felt that protocol had been violated. And as anybody who has spent more than 10 minutes in Germany knows, any violation of protocol can result in presentation and use, if necessary, of a prescribed weapon.

As lethal weapons are generally not available to the common citizen, other weaponry includes use of a raised voice. Or as we have seen in this case, a salami.

Don't laugh! Salamis are hard! With a pretty tough skin on the outside! And they're usually pretty thick, which goes a long way when you're trying to feed a lot of people.

I'm kinda wonderin' if they have a sunset in Aachen. You know, like the kind John Wayne would ride toward at the end of the Lebensmittel fight....






Damn, I had fun with that.  :-)
Adams E2 Euphonium, built in 2017
Boosey & Co. Imperial Euphonium, built in 1941
Edwards B454 bass trombone, built 2012
Bach Stradivarius 42OG tenor trombone, built 1992
Kanstul 33-T BBb tuba, built 2011
Fender Precision Bass Guitar, built ?
Mouthpiece data provided on request.