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Author Topic: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?  (Read 3196 times)

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Offline SilverOrchid

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Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« on: November 14, 2009, 05:03:11 PM »
My baby girl is now 3 months old and VERY attached to Mommy. She screams bloody murder whenever I put her down to either attend to my other daughter, do some cleaning or attend some basic needs. Some people have told me I hold her too much, she is "spoiled". Some has told me there is no way you can spoil a baby. I feel bad when I put her down but I have to do other things too. I don't expect a 3 month old to understand this but I really am intersted in seeing what the parents of CC think. Should I start cutting the cord or enjoy this time before she learns to talk?
« Last Edit: November 14, 2009, 05:19:19 PM by SilverOrchid »
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Offline Chris

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2009, 05:05:16 PM »
We called those "titty babies".  Hold them too much, and they don't deal with being left alone very well.

I don't have an answer for you, but I did drop an empty cardboard box over the last one while he was sitting on the floor crying.  He seemed to enjoy it after awhile.
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Offline Chris

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2009, 05:07:43 PM »
Three months is a little young.  This kid was a little older.
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Offline bijou

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2009, 05:17:55 PM »
Sorry SO I have no idea, but I am sure someone knowledgeable will be along soon (I'm not including Chris in that  :-) ).
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Offline Chris

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2009, 05:20:21 PM »
 :rotf:

My sister used to do a lot of babysitting.
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Offline thundley4

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2009, 05:24:19 PM »
Quote from: Chris on November 14, 2009, 05:20:21 PM
:rotf:

My sister used to do a lot of babysitting.

So, we know where the card board box idea came from.  You did get over the isolation, right?  :evillaugh:
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Offline Lord Undies

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2009, 05:27:06 PM »
Babies thrive on structure and schedules.  Schedule a time to hold and play with baby.  Schedule a time when she will be on her on to occupy herself.  Stick to it.

"Oil is to boil the wee one who is spoiled" ~ MOTHER GOOSE SPENCER 
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2009, 05:47:45 PM »
Quote from: Lord Undies on November 14, 2009, 05:27:06 PM
Babies thrive on structure and schedules.  Schedule a time to hold and play with baby.  Schedule a time when she will be on her on to occupy herself.  Stick to it.

Yup.  As the father of a 2-year-old, I can attest to the veracity of this.
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Offline Flame

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2009, 06:24:14 PM »
Not ure what the other repsonses are, but thought I'd throuw my 2 cents in.

Yes, you can spoil a baby, but that is subjective.   IMO, babies need to learn how to self-soothe, and they will at some point.  Some take a longer time than others, and it depends on how much you are willing to deal with.   

Three months though, is still pretty young, so I wouldn't worry too much.  If you can, use a sling or something similar that lets you be hands free (or at least on hand free!) and go about your day.  Try to give her more "away from mommy time" as you can, and she'll be ok.

Spoiling is subjective...if it doesn't bother you, don't let what other people say bother you.
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Offline DixieBelle

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #9 on: November 14, 2009, 06:39:23 PM »
^yeah that. Some kids are needier than others. Now that you have more than one, I'm sure you see a lot of differences.

Enjoy the time with your daughter but try to strike a balance by using a sling like Flame mentioned or a bouncy chair where she can still see you. You may have to wean her from being held by doing it slowly. Putting her down for longer and longer increments until she doesn't scream (for very long).

Is the older daughter able to entertain her? Sometimes that distraction helps. Eventually she'll figure out everything is going to be okay and mommy DOES come back. Hang in there!!!
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Offline MrsSmith

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #10 on: November 14, 2009, 07:35:07 PM »
I would look for alternatives to constantly holding her, like a swing.  And I would use a pacifier, though I know not all parents like them.  I would try different distractions...my granddaughter fell in love with the movie "Baby's Day Out," so we play that to keep her entertained for long enough to get a job done. But a 3 month old just isn't old enough to understand why she is left to cry...and babies don't stay little very long.  It can be very frustrating when they're going through a difficult phase, but before you know it, they're teenagers and you are the LAST person they want to spend any time with.  Cherish her now!   
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Offline SilverOrchid

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #11 on: November 14, 2009, 08:07:42 PM »
Thank you so much everyone!  We do use a binky but once in awhile she likes to spit it out and look at me like "Well......aren't you going to get that?" Her swing got stolen (long unhappy story) so we are looking into a bouncy chair or something.

Now, I don't feel like I am doing something wrong. My oldest was SO not like this. She is little Miss Independant.  She was never a big cuddler.
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Offline Hawkgirl

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #12 on: November 14, 2009, 09:36:16 PM »
My daughter is 4 months old and she also whines when I put her down....She definetly likes the arms.  Saying that, I started putting her in the bouncy or in her bumbo seat for short periods at a time...and I let her whine.  When I am taking a shower, doing house chores, or just talking on the phone, I set her down.  She is getting better...and I do let her see me while I'm walking around the house....when she starts to REALLY cry, then I pick her up. 

I hold her a lot...and babies need that...but you still have to attend to life every now and then. :-) 
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Offline mamacags

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #13 on: November 14, 2009, 10:09:20 PM »
My nephew got so spoiled being held that they ended up having to hold him while he slept for naps and at night.  If they didn't he screamed and as we all know you can't let a baby cry. :whatever:  I think as long as she can see you, isn't hungry/wet/hurt/sick she will be fine to scream a little.
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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #14 on: November 14, 2009, 10:18:42 PM »
Not at 3 months! If she still does that by 12 months you got problems! :-)
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Offline rich_t

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #15 on: November 15, 2009, 06:28:54 AM »
Yes, you can spoil a child by holding it too much.  Even one as young as 3 months.

Ween her is stages as mentioned above.  Put her down, but make sure she can still see you.  Then if that seems to work, out her down where she can't see you for longer priods of time.

We had to do that with our first child 24 years ago.
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Offline MrsSmith

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #16 on: November 15, 2009, 07:01:23 AM »
Quote from: SilverOrchid on November 14, 2009, 08:07:42 PM
Thank you so much everyone!  We do use a binky but once in awhile she likes to spit it out and look at me like "Well......aren't you going to get that?" Her swing got stolen (long unhappy story) so we are looking into a bouncy chair or something.

Now, I don't feel like I am doing something wrong. My oldest was SO not like this. She is little Miss Independant.  She was never a big cuddler.
#2 is always the opposite of #1.  It may not be a hard-and-fast rule, but I have never seen it fail so far. 

My #1 was always fussy, always busy, never slept, couldn't be quiet or still for even seconds.  My #2 was the easiest baby ever, cried only when she needed something, slept all night @ 2 months...but then was a toddler that was afraid to walk, frightened of grass (Seriously), and wouldn't even open a door for herself until she was like 4 years old.   :lmao:
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Offline RGSG99

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #17 on: November 15, 2009, 07:12:08 AM »
Buy a baby sling.  You can still get other things done because your hands will be free and your baby will feel safe because she is close to you.  Win/win!!!!  For the record, I held my babies when they cried and they didn't turn out spoiled.
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Offline franksolich

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #18 on: November 15, 2009, 07:36:46 AM »
Oh, I dunno.

There's nobody around any more to confirm or discomfirm what I know about my own family, but it appears the parents raised the older siblings on Dr. Benjamin Spock, which of course included "cuddle time."

They all ended up Democrats and avid consumers of pharmaceuticals.

By the time my younger brother and I came around--there was a gap between them and us--the parents were old and tired; it seems they were mostly concerned with simply protecting us (roof over the head, clothes on the body, food in the stomach) rather than cuddling us.  (Dr. Spock had been tossed into the trash a long time before.)

When looking at my siblings, and how everybody turned out, I don't think Dr. Spock knew excresence about raising children.
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Offline Wineslob

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #19 on: November 16, 2009, 10:39:13 AM »
Quote
We called those "titty babies".


I guess I never grew out of that stage.      :lmao:
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Is it possible to spoil a baby by holding her too much?
« Reply #20 on: November 16, 2009, 01:32:32 PM »
Quote from: SilverOrchid on November 14, 2009, 05:03:11 PM
My baby girl is now 3 months old and VERY attached to Mommy. She screams bloody murder whenever I put her down to either attend to my other daughter, do some cleaning or attend some basic needs. Some people have told me I hold her too much, she is "spoiled". Some has told me there is no way you can spoil a baby. I feel bad when I put her down but I have to do other things too. I don't expect a 3 month old to understand this but I really am intersted in seeing what the parents of CC think. Should I start cutting the cord or enjoy this time before she learns to talk?

No, it is not possible.  Babies this age do not know how to manipulate, they are acting on instinct and need.  Your baby needs you to hold her.  So hold her, that's my advice.  You can try and influence her to take interest in other things besides your arms by giving her toys to play with/things to look at while in a snuggle pack or something.
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