President Barack Hussein Obama announced that he wanted to invite Islamic terrorist Nidal Malik Hasan, who murdered 13 people and wounded 31 others, to a beer summit at the White House with himself and Sgt. Kimberly Munley, the heroine who stopped the shooting, so that Hasan and Munley could “work out their differences.†Obama declared, “Although I do not condone Mr. Hasan’s attack, I do believe that his behavior can be excused due to American imperialism and anti-Islamic bigotry. I also believe that Ms. Munley acted stupidly in shooting Mr. Hasan instead of trying to talk to him and understand his oppression. Both parties did wrong in this incident, and it is my sincere belief that Hasan and Munley are moral equals. However, it is my hope that out of this tragedy can come a teachable moment for America, one where all parties can walk away with a positive lesson learned from this incident, and I believe that my beer summit can do just that.â€
A date for the summit has not yet been set, as Munley and Hasan are both still in hospital recovering from their wounds. There is also no word yet on which beer will be served at the summit, although experts are predicting that it will be a non-alcoholic beer, in accordance with the Islamic prohibition on drinking alcohol. In addition, experts are saying that no pictures of the three together will be taken, as Hasan objects to having his picture taken with women.
(The author wishes to remain anonymous.)
