Author Topic: A question (Read 3180 times)

mamacags · « **on:** October 19, 2009, 07:15:35 PM »

My hubby works for a company where he overseas 500 employees. He doesn't get involved with them outside of business because of so many problems that can occur if you become friends with people you may have to fire. Recently my daughter became really good friends with a girl from school and wants to invite her to our house to play. The problem is that her mom is one of my hubby's employees. How do I explain that while I like the girl I don't want her to come to our house? Is it wrong to not want her to come to our house? I feel like a total asshole.

thundley4 · « **Reply #1 on:** October 19, 2009, 07:20:29 PM »

Is your daughter old enough to understand how company politics works? If so, explain the situation to her.

ColonialMarine0431 · « **Reply #2 on:** October 19, 2009, 07:25:43 PM »

I don't think it'd do any harm to have the child over.

debk · « **Reply #3 on:** October 19, 2009, 07:29:54 PM »

Quote from: ColonialMarine0431 on October 19, 2009, 07:25:43 PM

I don't think it'd do any harm to have the child over.

Sadly....it puts your husband in an awkward situation.

Kids talk....they tell their parents stuff. In your case, probably stuff that your husband doesn't want his employee to know. Like what your house is like, what you are like, how the house is decorated, etc.

Chris · « **Reply #4 on:** October 19, 2009, 07:32:22 PM »

Quote from: debk on October 19, 2009, 07:29:54 PM

Like what your house is like, what you are like, how the house is decorated, etc.

Nooo!

I would feel weird. I don't want my boss (any of them) at my house, or their kids.

ColonialMarine0431 · « **Reply #5 on:** October 19, 2009, 07:34:26 PM »

Maybe a neutral spot? A zoo, lake, beach or playground. Take them to a movie and ice cream afterwards? Just tossing out ideas.

mamacags · « **Reply #6 on:** October 19, 2009, 07:38:20 PM »

I was thinking I could meet them at the park. They want to play basketball. That way our house is off limits and we don't have to worry that she will get hurt and sue us either. I just want to state I would never ever want any of hubby's bosses here either. I am the worst house keeper ever!

BEG · « **Reply #7 on:** October 19, 2009, 07:58:00 PM »

All of my kids have/had friends that I hardly knew their parents past just introductions when they first started hanging out. I don't think your daughters new friend should be off limits, just keep the mom at arms length.

BEG · « **Reply #8 on:** October 19, 2009, 08:01:21 PM »

Quote from: BEG on October 19, 2009, 07:58:00 PM

All of my kids have/had friends that I hardly knew their parents past just introductions when they first started hanging out. I don't think your daughters new friend should be off limits, just keep the mom at arms length.

I replied before I read the rest of your posts. I can see how it would make you uncomfortable. I say if your daughter really wants to to be friends with this girl do it in a neutral place.

DixieBelle · « **Reply #9 on:** October 19, 2009, 09:11:44 PM »

Totally agree that it should be neutral territory! Of course if they are really close and continue to get closer, you may have to address this again. How does your husband feel? What if they played at her house and not yours?

RobJohnson · « **Reply #10 on:** October 21, 2009, 03:58:54 AM »

Quote from: mamacags on October 19, 2009, 07:38:20 PM

I was thinking I could meet them at the park. They want to play basketball. That way our house is off limits and we don't have to worry that she will get hurt and sue us either. I just want to state I would never ever want any of hubby's bosses here either. I am the worst house keeper ever!

What if the girl turns out to be a real sweetie & one of your daughter's best friends?

Myself, I'd just roll with it and let them play & be friends. I'm sure it would be fine.

jtyangel · « **Reply #11 on:** October 21, 2009, 06:41:02 AM »

Quote from: RobJohnson on October 21, 2009, 03:58:54 AM

What if the girl turns out to be a real sweetie & one of your daughter's best friends?

Myself, I'd just roll with it and let them play & be friends. I'm sure it would be fine.

I have to agree. Unless one is super outgoing(and willing), I don't think most friendships with children end up meaning friendships with their parents. I've never really been in a situation where it was even implied, but I live in the reserved midwest where everyone keeps to themselves unless they have a gripe with you:-)

. I'd say let the kids play on neutral ground at first. If these girls really hit it off, chances are isolating the child away from your home is not going to be a viable option down the road so you will have to reconsider both the policy and the terms under which you would have her over, but that's down the road to worry about. In the long term though, it sounds lke you guys are coming up on a point with the maturity of your kids(I think our daughters are close to the same age) that you may have to get a little more flexible on the work policy as far as to who it applies to and how far reaching it is in the family. Just a thought.

JohnnyReb · « **Reply #12 on:** October 21, 2009, 08:22:07 AM »

Hey, I dated the plant managers daughter of the plant where my daddy worked...no problems between my old man and the plant manager.....now me and his daughter was another story...sheeesh...... But that was 47 years ago when people had some commonsense.

Splashdown · « **Reply #13 on:** October 21, 2009, 10:02:17 AM »

Office politics befuddle me.

That being said, I think it'd be ok for your daughter to have a friend over without you getting close to those parents. I don't know whether I'd let my kids' friendships be impacted by my working relationships with their parents. Are they good people? Do they have good values? I'd worry about these issues more than their job description.

That said, if the daughter starts asking work-related questions of you, then I think you'd have to address it.

Gratiot · « **Reply #14 on:** October 21, 2009, 07:57:39 PM »

Quote from: RobJohnson on October 21, 2009, 03:58:54 AM

What if the girl turns out to be a real sweetie & one of your daughter's best friends?

Myself, I'd just roll with it and let them play & be friends. I'm sure it would be fine.

+1

MrsSmith · « **Reply #15 on:** October 21, 2009, 09:00:22 PM »

Quote from: mamacags on October 19, 2009, 07:15:35 PM

My hubby works for a company where he overseas 500 employees. He doesn't get involved with them outside of business because of so many problems that can occur if you become friends with people you may have to fire. Recently my daughter became really good friends with a girl from school and wants to invite her to our house to play. The problem is that her mom is one of my hubby's employees. How do I explain that while I like the girl I don't want her to come to our house? Is it wrong to not want her to come to our house? I feel like a total *******.

I'd go with neutral place...but carefully. The last thing you need is the other kid's mom deciding that you're "too good" to have her kid at your house, you know? If you do feel you must have her over, though, I'd go with groups-only. Slumber party type things...

It's going to be uncomfortable regardless, I think. Good luck!

Rebel · « **Reply #16 on:** October 21, 2009, 09:04:53 PM »

Is your husband an asshole boss or something? My company, while smaller, is like a family. Aside from 2, we're all veteran, retired military, or currently in the reserves. Then again, we're a defense contracting company.

mamacags · « **Reply #17 on:** October 21, 2009, 10:46:35 PM »

Quote from: Rebel on October 21, 2009, 09:04:53 PM

Is your husband an asshole boss or something? My company, while smaller, is like a family. Aside from 2, we're all veteran, retired military, or currently in the reserves. Then again, we're a defense contracting company.

His profession has an incredibly high turn over rate for employees. There are clear rules but he has to fire people day after day after day for not following rules. All it takes is this mom to get written up for something, be pissed at hubby, and all kinds of accusations will fly. One fired employee accused him of things that could have never even happened but none the less they were investigated. Any act or even accusations that can't be proven false could lose him his job.

I have seen others in his position beaten by fired employees, black mailed, and accused of horrendous things that never happened. The job is really hard, he works harder than he should, it pays well, but it is always knowing that your head could be on the chopping block at any minute.

BadCat · « **Reply #18 on:** October 21, 2009, 10:49:43 PM »

I don't come NEAR the people that work for me outside of work.

debk · « **Reply #19 on:** October 21, 2009, 11:08:14 PM »

Mama....when the other half owned 2 companies....I occasionally talked on the phone to his office manager...did not meet her in person, or his plant manager, until for they both came to his father's funeral....9 YEARS into our relationship.

I never met any of the other employees. I never went to a Christmas party, pre-Thanksgiving lunch, or the pre-July 4th picnic.

He did not want any of his employees ....except for the two I mentioned....knowing anything about his personal life.

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Author Topic: A question (Read 3180 times)