Author Topic: Divorce agreement.  (Read 2310 times)

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Offline JohnnyReb

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Divorce agreement.
« on: October 01, 2009, 11:31:30 AM »
I so stole this off a farm site.

DIVORCE AGREEMENT


American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce... I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC, ABC and Hollywood ...

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies, or our way of life, are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you as to which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. It won’t be us.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S. And we won't have to press 1 for English.

“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline Chris_

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Re: Divorce agreement.
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2009, 11:34:58 AM »
I love it thank you
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline mamacags

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Re: Divorce agreement.
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2009, 01:11:57 PM »
Stealing it!
All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope.
Winston Churchill

Offline Chris_

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Re: Divorce agreement.
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2009, 01:12:55 PM »
Stealing it!

Look for it to be posted on my Facebook page.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline mamacags

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Re: Divorce agreement.
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2009, 01:46:49 PM »
Look for it to be posted on my Facebook page.

If I knew how to post more than the limited number of characters on there I would post it too.
All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope.
Winston Churchill

Offline IassaFTots

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Re: Divorce agreement.
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2009, 01:48:40 PM »
If I knew how to post more than the limited number of characters on there I would post it too.

You can post it in your notes section in it's entirety.
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

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Offline Chris_

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Re: Divorce agreement.
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2009, 01:49:25 PM »
If I knew how to post more than the limited number of characters on there I would post it too.

I posted the whole thing up in the NOTES section of my page.  A teaser shows up on my wall (and my friend's walls) that links up to the whole thing.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline debk

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Re: Divorce agreement.
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2009, 03:15:42 PM »
 :exactly:
Just hand over the chocolate...back away slowly...far away....and you won't get hurt....

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate.

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already." – Dave Barry

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.