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Author Topic: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper  (Read 3518 times)

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Offline Chris_

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Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« on: September 24, 2009, 12:29:46 PM »
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Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper

ELMWOOD PARK, N.J. -- There is a battle for America's behinds.

It is a fight over toilet paper: the kind that is blanket-fluffy and getting fluffier so fast that manufacturers are running out of synonyms for "soft" (Quilted Northern Ultra Plush is the first big brand to go three-ply and three-adjective).

It's a menace, environmental groups say -- and a dark-comedy example of American excess.

The reason, they say, is that plush U.S. toilet paper is usually made by chopping down and grinding up trees that were decades or even a century old. They want Americans, like Europeans, to wipe with tissue made from recycled paper goods.

It has been slow going. Big toilet-paper makers say that they've taken steps to become more Earth-friendly but that their customers still want the soft stuff, so they're still selling it.

This summer, two of the best-known combatants in this fight signed a surprising truce, with a big tissue maker promising to do better. But the larger battle goes on -- the ultimate test of how green Americans will be when nobody's watching.


Big t.p., an eeeeeevil empire.  Tree huggers are gonna git you!  They're gonna wipe you out.   :-)

MORE


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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2009, 01:00:35 PM »
Well, there goes today's story for BNN.

 :banghead:

Now I'll have to think of something even MORE absurd.

Wait! How's this: A guy with no proven citizenship credentials is given ultimate control of a 10,000 warhead nuclear arsenal.

That would be pretty absurdist/funny, wouldn't it?
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Offline thundley4

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2009, 01:10:18 PM »
They can have my extra soft, plush absorbent 3-ply when they.....   ewwww, never mind.
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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2009, 01:25:40 PM »
Quote from: thundley4 on September 24, 2009, 01:10:18 PM
They can have my extra soft, plush absorbent 3-ply when they.....   ewwww, never mind.
Reminds me of the scene in Braveheart when the Scots mooned the Brits.
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Offline nakedliberty

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2009, 01:56:09 PM »
Is there anything the environmentalists don't think is ruining the earth?  That must be the shorter list by far.
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Offline BEG

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #5 on: September 24, 2009, 01:58:41 PM »
They will tear my glorious out of my cold dead hands. 
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Offline Chump

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #6 on: September 24, 2009, 02:02:26 PM »
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It has been slow going. Big toilet-paper makers say that they've taken steps to become more Earth-friendly but that their customers still want the soft stuff, so they're still selling it.

End of story.  Go pound sand, enviro-kooks.
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #7 on: September 24, 2009, 02:20:03 PM »
So you want to save the trees...try wiping your ass with plastic.
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“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #8 on: September 24, 2009, 02:33:50 PM »
molon labe!
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Offline Eupher

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #9 on: September 24, 2009, 02:58:52 PM »
I think the enviro-whackos would appreciate tp generally available in Germany.

The stuff is so rough you can actually see the mini-chunks of wood in it.

Makes it real handy when you're dealing with, uh, more personal issues than worrying about how many sheets to use per "event."

 :-)
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #10 on: September 24, 2009, 05:10:40 PM »
Quote from: Eupher on September 24, 2009, 02:58:52 PM
I think the enviro-whackos would appreciate tp generally available in Germany.

The stuff is so rough you can actually see the mini-chunks of wood in it.

Makes it real handy when you're dealing with, uh, more personal issues than worrying about how many sheets to use per "event."

 :-)
That stuff in Europe is about like newsprint.  Hey, maybe we could find a way to "save" the newspapers...let 'em go into the t.p. business and ship it all to Europe.  :thumbs:
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2009, 06:00:54 PM »
Thinking back to my childhood days and the old outhouse......

I GOT DIBS ON ALL THE WHITE CORN COBS.
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“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline debk

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2009, 06:11:53 PM »
Quote from: JohnnyReb on September 24, 2009, 06:00:54 PM
Thinking back to my childhood days and the old outhouse......

I GOT DIBS ON ALL THE WHITE CORN COBS.


you have something against the yellow ones?  :shame:


hmmmph.......what a racist pig.....








 :tongue:
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Just hand over the chocolate...back away slowly...far away....and you won't get hurt....

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate.

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A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.

Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #13 on: September 24, 2009, 06:19:35 PM »
Quote from: debk on September 24, 2009, 06:11:53 PM

you have something against the yellow ones?  :shame:


hmmmph.......what a racist pig.....

Yes I do....the yellow ones are rough as hell....the white ones are much softer.








 :tongue:
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“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin

Offline jinxmchue

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2009, 12:48:54 PM »
Quote from: nakedliberty on September 24, 2009, 01:56:09 PM
Is there anything the environmentalists don't think is ruining the earth?  That must be the shorter list by far.

Themselves.
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Offline jinxmchue

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #15 on: September 25, 2009, 12:50:49 PM »
We have to use t.p. that breaks down more easily than the plush stuff.  Our sewer line is pretty old and the plush stuff plugs it up.  I got tired of having to unclog the line, so we changed brands.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #16 on: September 25, 2009, 12:56:39 PM »
Liberals don't need t.p.  That's why they're full of sh*t.
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Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #17 on: September 25, 2009, 02:01:31 PM »
If you've got Al Gore's back he's got yours because one good environmental movement deserves another.

Introducing the Re-Useb-Al

Made from the finest northern Califiornia braided hemp and Soviet-era recycled corrogated cardboard, each Re-Useb-Al is emblazoned with Vice President Gore's smiling visage so you know he's behind your every push to keep our world happy and clean.

Hey! Maybe it won't cut down on all of YOUR greenhouse gas emissions but who says you can't wipe away your nagging conscious with Re-Useb-Als

But wait, there's more! The Re-Useb-Al can also be used to exfoliate your skin, make quick work of burnt-on lasagna and make old, tarnished cast iron skillets shine like new!

Brought to you by the maker's of Green Pees: the enviro-friendly cleansing supplement that let's you pass those nettlesome FBI screenings so you can become a presidential appointee.
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Online Crazy Horse

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #18 on: September 25, 2009, 03:05:21 PM »
Now this really chaps my ass
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Offline DixieBelle

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #19 on: September 25, 2009, 03:48:08 PM »
Paging sheryl crow...paging Ms. One Square Crow....
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Offline Daisy

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #20 on: September 25, 2009, 04:58:46 PM »
Dems hate anything that people enjoy.
A better way to save trees; get rid of th New York Times!!!! :tongue:
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Offline Ree

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #21 on: September 25, 2009, 06:04:14 PM »
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U.S. toilet paper is usually made by chopping down and grinding up trees that were decades or even a century old.
WTF??? I thought they used pulpwood...
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Offline Celtic Rose

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #22 on: September 25, 2009, 06:12:55 PM »
Quote from: Ree on September 25, 2009, 06:04:14 PM
WTF??? I thought they used pulpwood...

Remember, just like DUmmies, environmentalists will happily lie to further their agenda.  Paper companies know that their money comes from having a plentiful supply of trees, so many have aggressive sustainability stances.  You can find information on Kimberly-Clark's (Kleenex, Cottonelle's parent company) sustainability efforts Here
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
« Reply #23 on: September 25, 2009, 07:10:35 PM »
Quote from: Ree on September 25, 2009, 06:04:14 PM
WTF??? I thought they used pulpwood...
pulverized spotted owl feathers work just as well.
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