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Offline Chris

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Notes from a hospital bed
« on: September 17, 2009, 08:34:18 PM »
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The liberal world may be clamouring for President Obama to create an NHS for the USA but I'd be a bit more cautious if I were he. In fact, I'd invite Barack to take a look at my lunch tray today to see what state-planned healthcare really means.

I've been a guest of the NHS (the envy of the world) for 14 weeks so far this year. How I managed to survive is a wonder even to me. You see, the NHS is run along strictly Soviet lines. In order to make the Soviet experience even more authentic, my hospital has provided plenty of Eastern European charm. Take our ward manager, for example. I don't know the lady's real name but I call her Rosa... as in Rosa Krebs, that charming lady in the Bond movies with poisoned spikes in her shoes. Marvelous woman. I think she may be Moldovan but I'm not entirely sure. If anyone ever wants an enforcer then Rosa's your girl. She has all the ruthlessness of Stalin coupled with the efficiency of the Wehrmacht and the charm of a great white shark. However, to Rosa's credit, she did manage to retrieve my lunch as it was being wheeled back to the kitchen as I was overlooked yet again!

Oh how I wish Rosa hadn't chased that trolley. On paper, the sound of Southern-style drumsticks was quite appealing. Unfortunately the menu didn't state the origin of southern. In my case it was southern Ethiopia. Never have I seen such scrawny and aged chicken. There was more stick than drum. This was a case of chicken bones coated in a rock hard material that would have been better employed as the surface for Heathrow's third runway. Alongside the Southern-style bones was a heap of murdered cabbage and something described as sautéed potatoes. It is beyond even my fertile imagination to identify what the potatoes had been sautéed in, but my best guess would be a bedpan.

Never mind there's always pudding to look forward to... isn't there? Sadly no. The jam roly poly had indeed been rolled, probably across the kitchen floor by the taste of it. And how anyone could screw up custard quite so badly I can't imagine. It wasn't thick enough to have lumps. Yellow water would be a more accurate description.

So here I am with another six weeks to go in the care of Rosa and her team. And Barack Obama wants to give this to America! If he does he'll certainly go down in history. Now if you'll excuse me I'll stop there as I can hear the sound of the warm-drinks trolley coming.

At least the man has a sense of humor... check out the games of Hospital Food Bingo and Guess My Supper.









http://hospitalnotes.blogspot.com/
« Last Edit: September 17, 2009, 08:40:30 PM by Chris »
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Offline DixieBelle

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Re: Notes from a hospital bed
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2009, 08:42:54 PM »
Oh lawd lawd!!! Looks like public school food. :-)
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Offline Chris

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Re: Notes from a hospital bed
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2009, 08:53:24 PM »
The last time I was in the hospital overnight, the food was pretty lousy.  The preparation was done as cheaply as possible.  I made the mistake of ordering scrambled eggs... the "cook" took a ladle of raw egg, dropped it in a bowl and microwaved it without doing any actual scrambling.  It was like eating egg-flavored Jell-O.

The spaghetti and meatballs was awesome, but all of it came back up fifteen minutes later when the morphine drip turned on.
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Offline Lord Undies

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Re: Notes from a hospital bed
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2009, 08:58:44 PM »
While I was in the hospital the food was a hit or miss experience.  I know that it was better than I thought.  My friends and family liked what I didn't eat.  My taster was out of wack.  I was no one to be judging.
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Offline Chris

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Re: Notes from a hospital bed
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2009, 09:05:23 PM »
Did they have you on a restricted diet?  I had abdominal surgery when I was about seven or eight.  Bedridden and relegated to puree'd foods for a week.  There is just something wrong about puree'd meat.
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Offline Lord Undies

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Re: Notes from a hospital bed
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2009, 09:10:01 PM »
Quote from: Chris on September 17, 2009, 09:05:23 PM
Did they have you on a restricted diet?  I had abdominal surgery when I was about seven or eight.  Bedridden and relegated to puree'd foods for a week.  There is just something wrong about puree'd meat.

I was on a "heart healthy" diet complicated with the assumption I was diabetic.  My blood sugar was all over the map after my heart attacks. 

What they served me was surprisingly substantial, but a bit bland.  Bland was for the best, though.  My mouth and throat was very blistered after eight days on a ventilator.  At first, oatmeal was too spicy.
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Offline ColonialMarine0431

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Re: Notes from a hospital bed
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2009, 09:29:23 PM »
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I call her Rosa... as in Rosa Krebs, that charming lady in the Bond movies with poisoned spikes in her shoes



"No soup for you!"
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Offline Thor

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Re: Notes from a hospital bed
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2009, 11:01:05 PM »
Quote from: Lord Undies on September 17, 2009, 09:10:01 PM
I was on a "heart healthy" diet complicated with the assumption I was diabetic.  My blood sugar was all over the map after my heart attacks. 

What they served me was surprisingly substantial, but a bit bland.  Bland was for the best, though.  My mouth and throat was very blistered after eight days on a ventilator.  At first, oatmeal was too spicy.

Undies, you might as well move to Minnesota where they consider Ketchup a "spice".........
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Offline AllosaursRus

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Re: Notes from a hospital bed
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2009, 12:27:23 PM »
I've been more times than I care to count. I realized I could order hamburgers! That's pretty much what I survived on for two weeks the last time.
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Offline NHSparky

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Re: Notes from a hospital bed
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2009, 11:34:04 PM »
At least you got to EAT.  I went into the hospital in 2001 for diverticulitis.  Five hours of surgery, 36 staples on my stomach, 8 in my guts, and minus 10 inches of colon later, I was on morphine and antibiotics for a week.  Oh yeah--no food or water either (everything through IV), until we found out if the surgery was a success.  That only took nine days.  I got food for the last two days I was there.  After looking at it and trying to eat it, I didn't see the fascination with food.  Thankfully that changed once I got home.
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Offline SilverOrchid

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Re: Notes from a hospital bed
« Reply #10 on: September 20, 2009, 12:51:47 AM »
When I gave birth to my daughter and I was allowed soild food, it was awesome. It was like room service, you has a fancy looking menu in your room and you called and made your order. They did forget my mayo for my roast beef sandwich but other then that, I liked the food. You even got soda or Snapple and the coffee was great.
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Offline NHSparky

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Re: Notes from a hospital bed
« Reply #11 on: September 20, 2009, 12:55:21 AM »
What hospital was THIS?  RACISTS!!!  I want my free hospital food!

Single payer!!!!11elleventy!!!
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