http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9018785Oh my.
This bonfire's been going for a few days now.
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sat Sep-05-09 01:47 AM
Original message
That bum that stays with us lost his job because of drinking...tried to join army
even they wouldn't take him
he has 3 DuIs on his record
cut off is 2
god damn bum will NEVER leave
I am ready to just throw his ass out
we were so praying that the Army would take him and it would solve all the issues
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sat Sep-05-09 01:49 AM
Response to Reply #1
4. hubbys friend
left his woman 3 years ago
stayed with us supposed to be 2-3 months
3 ****ing years ago
started drinking like a fish, lost his car and then his job
I am Sick of him
but he literally has NO place to go and I do have a heart
A primitive suggests a city mission, after which:
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 09:05 PM
Response to Reply #66
69. I think that is where it is heading especially if I can prove he is getting into my purse for cigs
cause I know he has none
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sat Sep-05-09 01:50 AM
Response to Reply #3
6. I don't know ...he has been to jail for fines he can't pay
and in March we even took him to rehab
that didn't last long
Another primitive suggests 3 DWIs are rather much, after which:
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sat Sep-05-09 01:51 AM
Response to Reply #5
7. they all were over 10 years ago
but it doesn't matter
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sat Sep-05-09 01:58 AM
Response to Reply #8
10. every time he drinks a pop or eats something I bought to make dinner
I just want to scream.
I even have to hide my cigarettes
he is hubbys friend, but I am tired of being patient and kind
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sat Sep-05-09 02:15 AM
Response to Reply #12
14. yes he agrees that the bum has to go
but we both feel sorry for him and know he litteraly has NO place to go
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 02:06 PM
Response to Reply #40
44. we thought we had seen the end of it...
guess not tho...
we both agree that he needs to go
we both know he has NO one or no place
dude don't even have money to buy cigs...
we were hoping and praying that the army would be the answer
but no go
A third primitive suggests the greenbriar primitive and her husband drink and party a lot, after which:
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 03:32 PM
Response to Reply #49
51. Hubby does I do NOT ...I rarely drink
except for Champagne on our anniversary and New years eve
We told him he had till Jan and then he was gone...job or no
We told him this today
he said he understood
a LOT has to happen
He needs a job, he has a 2 grand fine to pay off
but come Jan..he is GONE no matter what
A fourth primitive suggests the greenbriar primitive just gave him another four months to party and drink, after which:
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 04:27 PM
Response to Reply #53
54. hopefully 4 months to get his shit together
get a job
pay off his fines
and then get the **** out of my house
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 05:35 PM
Response to Reply #55
56. no, but he is out Jan 1st whether he has a job and money or not
we are hoping he uses the next 4 months to get his shit together
otherwise he will be moving to the mission as a homeless person
The Gloria Swanson primitive, who remembers Prohibition, speakeasies, bootleg liquor, whatnot:
Tangerine LaBamba (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 11:12 PM
Response to Reply #54
79. I've enjoyed this thread, and this post is, by far, the funniest of the lot.
Ever wonder why your husband would rather party with his buddy than be alone with you?
That's what's going on, you know.
That's got to hurt.
cwydro (1000+ posts) Mon Sep-07-09 01:59 PM
Response to Reply #79
84. Point.
There is definitely more than meets the eye here.
That's got to hurt.
SammyWinstonJack (1000+ posts) Mon Sep-07-09 05:27 PM
Response to Reply #84
87. Most definitely.
That's got to hurt.
Obamanaut (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 07:47 PM
Response to Reply #51
61. The answer is in the subject line. Hubby has a live-in drinking buddy
No job, owes 2 grand fine, has until Jan 1st free. Save your OP, and you can just paste it here on Jan 2, saving the trouble of typing it again.
He is just like a congressional incumbent. We keep them in office via reelection,regardless of what they do. And they know it, so they don't change.
Hubby keeps the drinking buddy at home regardless of what you think about it. They won't change, and you tolerate it. And they know it.
More hurt.
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 08:27 PM
Response to Reply #61
63. you are being a snarky little shit tonight. I want him gone, but I have a heart
he literally has NO one
his mom as passed as well has his sister which started his drinking...not that i am excusing it
but I can't throw someone out on the street...
this guy was best man at our wedding 20 years ago
and ... last month when I was deathly sick, he helped hubby and me getting me to the hospital ect...
hubby doesn't drive in our big city due to his vision
he is not all bad..just 90% bad
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 09:04 PM
Response to Reply #64
68. yes I know, I lost my father way to early
I don't consider myself a door mat, I consider my self a generous caring person
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 09:12 PM
Response to Reply #72
73. hubbys reasoning was that gave him time for a job and to save some money
apparently he owes taxes and when he cashed in his retirement from the job he lost, the state took all 4 grand
he was counting on that to pay his fine and find an apartment
Just our luck I guess...
ugggggggggggggggggggggg
so hubby says Jan would give him time to pay off the fine and get money for first and last months rent for an apartment
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 09:41 PM
Response to Reply #74
75. Jan is the limit he is OUT whether he has saved money or not
even hubby has stated that
I guess that eases hubbys conscious ...that we have given him the chance to do things the right way
The Gloria Swanson primitive, again:
Tangerine LaBamba (1000+ posts) Sun Sep-06-09 11:17 PM
Response to Original message
80. Just curious - do you have a daughter who moved out and went to live with her grandmother, a very difficult situation for you?
Or am I confusing you with someone else? Because that DUer was very, very upset about what her daughter was doing.
Was that you?
cwydro (1000+ posts) Mon Sep-07-09 03:52 PM
Response to Reply #80
85. I think it is this same poster.
But maybe it's a similar name...not sure.
Tangerine LaBamba (1000+ posts) Mon Sep-07-09 05:15 PM
Response to Reply #85
86. I'm prettty sure it's the same - same style of writing. This is the same situation.
So, if there was a seventeen-year-old girl involved, and a stepfather who likes to drink with his drunken permanent houseguest, how bad a scene do you think it must have been for the girl to move out and go live with her grandmother? And how terrible for a mother who can't or won't protect her daughter?
I remember how anguished the poster was about the event, but nothing was ever mentioned about why why the girl chose to take such a drastic and dramatic step. In fact, the portrayal was that the girl was difficult, and making the move just to aggravate - typical teen girl stuff, and so forth.
Interesting that the OP never responded to my query, but you did. I think that's probably the answer.
greenbriar (1000+ posts) Mon Sep-07-09 07:31 PM
Response to Reply #86
88. you are crossing lines that don't belong. yes it is the same
For your information My husband is NOT her step dad it is her REAL dad we have been married almost 20 years.
She has a great relationship with her father...
the bum had a job the whole time she was here
she moved out because I am TOO "into her business" as she put it...I guess I smothered her by wanting to know how her day went and how her grades were and the typical mom question type of things.
You are insinuating disgusting things that are not anywhere near the truth
Our daughter moving out was/is the typical teen I am graduated and want my independence...
The bum that is with us has been hubby's best friend LONG before we ever married...he was the best man...he had a job until May and he worked nights so he was gone when we were home and he was sleeping when we were gone...he worked third shift as a correctional officer at a prison.
He has a ****ed up life and we thought we were helping but we have helped long enough
Tangerine LaBamba (1000+ posts) Mon Sep-07-09 07:57 PM
Response to Reply #88
89. I got that detail wrong - my apologies - but the rest of my post, I'm standing by it.
That situation is no place for a young girl, not healthy at all. I don't care how long he's been friends with your husband - that's irrelevant.
I wouldn't have a drunk around my daughter. Not in my house, that's for sure. I am sorry things are so difficult for you, but if it's hard for you to deal, imagine how hard it was for a young girl?
You wrote very eloquently about what a bum he is, what a total loser, what a train wreck.
And you'd let that person be around your kid, in your own home?
You assume that bad things only happen at night. That's just silly.
I'm not crossing any lines. This story is sordid and rife with unanswered and complicated questions. I'm glad, though, that your daughter got herself into what I hope is a healthier setting, where she can thrive instead of having to deal with unemployed drunks and angry mothers who can't get their husband's best friend out of the house after three years, and now is reduced to complaining that he's stealing cigarettes out of her purse.
That's a fairly sad thing to focus on, when all the big issues are staring you in the face, but, ultimately, you must ask yourself why your husband prefers to have his drunken, freeloading buddy live with you rather than be alone with you.
I hope your daughter is safe and thriving. I hope she's happy. And I wish you strength to take control of this terrible situation and luck to make it happen.
The idiot Briggs primitive, the heartless landlady up in Michigan:
IdaBriggs (1000+ posts) Thu Sep-10-09 01:27 PM
Response to Reply #89
103. Agreed. Who would want a drunken bum around their teenage daughter?
I predict a few years from now, greenbriar will be having a very unpleasant conversation with her daughter, who will be telling her things she doesn't want to hear.
Sigh.
IdaBriggs (1000+ posts) Thu Sep-10-09 01:39 PM
Response to Reply #82
104. Let me get this straight: Your cigarettes are the final straw.
THREE YEARS of freeloading, and mysteriously disapeearing cigarrettes are the final straw?
But only if you can PROVE IT?
How are you going to PROVE IT in a way that is actually going to mean anything? If you witness him doing it, is that going to be enough? Or will you set up a hidden camera?
Its just another excuse to do nothing some more, greenbriar. I would suggest you quit lying to yourself, but it sounds like a very comforting fiction:
"Really, if I can PROVE he is GETTING INTO MY PURSE, then THAT will be the FINAL STRAW, and my husband will KICK HIM OUT."
Greenbriar, if your husband caught him drawing mustaches on your wedding pictures, there would be an excuse for it.
IdaBriggs (1000+ posts) Thu Sep-10-09 01:20 PM
Response to Original message
102. You are an idiot. A nice idiot, but an idiot none-the-less.
Remember this thread?
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...
You titled it: "HELP ME>>>Remember that guy that was staying with us that we took to rehab "
And everyone said the same thing to you then.
Over and over and OVER again you keep getting told the same thing.
"Quit enabling. Kick him out. Enough already. Go to Al-Anon."
And every couple of months, you whine some more because you keep doing the same thing, and nothing changes.
Now he has until January 1st to drink himself to death. Or kill someone else with his stupidity. (And don't try to explain how he won't do that, because HELLO! You can't CONTROL HIM.)
You keep saying its because you are "nice" that you aren't kicking him out. Its not nice; its STUPID. You've taken in AN ACTIVE ALCOHOLIC (and your husband is DRINKING with him -- that is NOT how friends behave with Alcoholics).
GO TO AL-ANON. KICK HIM OUT. STOP BEING AN IDIOT.
(This was a public service rant. The poster acknowledges it will do no good, because greenbriar will continue to ignore good advice that would actually require her to Stop Being an Idiot.)
Sigh.
Tangerine LaBamba (1000+ posts) Thu Sep-10-09 05:57 PM
Response to Reply #102
108. Her daughter had enough sense to move out, to save herself.
But greenbriar keeps coming up with the same story, getting the same advice, ignoring it all, and then posting it again, luring different DUers who aren't familiar with what is rapidly looking like a made-up story.
A fourth primitive suggests the greenbriar primitive force her husband to choose between her and the house-guest, after which:
taterguy (1000+ posts) Thu Sep-10-09 06:43 PM
Response to Reply #110
112. OP has stated on numerous previous occasions that she won't leave her hubby because she needs his $
Just saving her the trouble of responding to your suggestions.
One's heartened by the commonsense advice of the Gloria Swanson primitive, and the advice of the idiot Briggs primitive is good, too.....excepting one must remember who the idiot Briggs primitive is, a cold cruel selfish heartless landlady who won't let poor people live in one of her rental units.
