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That last paragraph of this dumb story was the worst. Does anyone believe it? This reminds me of a girl I work with, when she tells a story about something her kid said, she actually puts on a baby voice. It's sickening, treacly, and precious.
I honestly think that no 5-year old can sit still to hear king zero drone on and on with his head moving side to side. It's worse than a boring minister at church. The kids fidget like rabbits. They're certainly not going to wait with bated breath to hear the gems dropping from his lips.