This is kind of disturbing...

[djones520]

It's 4am, and I'm sitting downstairs with the laptop bored out of my mind wishing I could go to bed.  But alas, I must wait a few more hours.  Anyways, I'm surfing the internet and as some may have experienced sometimes you find yourself in places where your just not sure how you got there.  I'm reading this blog type thing of an HIV positive homosexual whose debating on whether or not he should tell this stranger he's hooked up with, that he's HIV positive, before they do the deed.  I'll let you guys read it, so you can get the full image.

Warning though, it can get kinda graphic.

Bored and horny
It’s Sunday afternoon and it’s raining. I’m bored and horny. However, I’ve got £20 left over from the night before and this will be enough to buy me entry into a sauna where there should be enough sexy men to relieve more than my boredom.

I’m there within half an hour and it’s rammed with sexy guys. The trouble is, none seem too interested in me. My self-esteem starts to take a bit of a hammering and I start to wonder what’s putting people off. Can people tell I’ve got HIV just by looking at me? Am I casting off the wrong kind of positive vibe? Or is it that I’m just a bit of a minger? Well, whatever the reason, I persevere and am eventually rewarded. I finally catch somebody’s eye. There’s no doubting that he’s up for it, and rather than fumbling around in the dark he leads me into one of the private cabins and we lock the door.

He very quickly makes it clear what he wants – and it certainly doesn’t involve the use of a condom. There’s been no discussion of HIV - in all my years of going to saunas there never has been. What’s the need anyway? Isn’t the use of condoms which are so liberally supplied at saunas meant to make such discussions unnecessary?

Is he HIV-positive? There’s no tell-tale indicators - no evidence of lipodystrophy or a trendy biohazard tattoo to suggest that he’s got HIV. Nor do I recognise him as somebody who has ‘needs discussion’, ‘sometimes’ or ‘never’ next to the safer sex option on his gaydar profile. I want to assume he’s HIV-positive so I can comfort myself that, should I give way in the heat of the moment, I wouldn’t potentially infect somebody with HIV. But then I remember, you’re not supposed to assume anything.

There’s starting to be a lot of heat in this moment. Yet I’m aware that people have been sent to prison after not telling their sexual partners they have HIV – I don’t want to risk my liberty for the sake of an afternoon in a sauna.

The thought of catching something nasty also flashes through my head. An HIV-positive friend recently caught syphilis when he went to a ‘bareback’ sex party with other HIV-positive men. And in the space of a year I’d picked up chlamydia and gonorrhoea. I’m also aware of reports that some people had been reinfected with strains of drug-resistant HIV after having bareback sex and that there’d been an outbreak of hepatitis C spread by barebacking.

But, on the other hand, I tell myself, he must know the risks. He wants to have unprotected sex in a sauna, dammit! How far should I be held responsible for him? I reassure myself he’s probably already HIV-positive. But then, I don’t know this, I’m just guessing.

Another thought enters the mix. The knowledge that I’m taking combination therapy and that I have an undetectable viral load is comforting – well, the viral load in my blood was the last time I went to the clinic two months ago. That must surely make a difference, right? And, on top of that – if you’ll forgive the pun, I’m the top so my risk of getting reinfected or hep C must be reduced – or at least that’s what I tell myself. But, if I’m the top, then my chances of infecting him with HIV are higher if he’s negative. I could reduce the risks by so-called ‘safer-barebacking’ and making sure I don’t ejaculate in him, yet, I’ve heard that even tiny amounts of semen can contain potentially infectious quantities of HIV.

Okay, what do I do? I’m not a saint and I’m horny as hell. I got HIV from having unprotected sex and I know how good it feels, and that’s not something I’m going to deny.

But this time things seem so different. On the occasions when I’ve had unprotected sex since my diagnosis with HIV I’ve tried to make sure that the other person already had HIV. The internet has made that a lot easier.

I just don’t know how to raise the subject now – we’re already having sex! I go through the possible options in my head.

It could be that he is too; it could be that he isn’t or doesn’t know and that he couldn’t care less; or it could be that he’s negative, does care that I’m positive and seem to be about to have unprotected sex with him, goes crazy and hits me for not telling him earlier!

I don’t want to create a scene – how British. Nine times out of ten you don’t even tell your name to people you meet in a sauna, let alone discuss HIV. Well, perhaps that needs to change, and I may well start changing things now.

Here goes.

The back of my throat is dry when I try to speak – is it nerves or excitement? I croak something inaudible, but it doesn’t matter. In the few moments that have passed he’s lost interest. He puts his towel around himself, taps me on the shoulder, unlocks the door and leaves the cubicle.

I don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed. And I know that this is unlikely to be the last time I face a situation like this. The problems is, what my mind tells me to do next time and what my dick tells me to do are two completely different things. I’m only human, and I’ll do my best to make sure that my mind wins out.

http://www.namlife.org/cms1255463.aspx

Now just about everyone here is aware of my stance on equal rights for gays.  I think a lot of things that are said about them are usually just abject prejudice made by people who refuse to accept that things are the way they are and that these are just people as well.  But when i read shit like this, it phases me even.  Honestly, what was going through this persons head?  How did our society get to the point to breed so many people who have to seriously struggle with decisions like these?

It bothers me.  I'm not worried about having to deal with these types of people.  I'm strictly monogamous and so is my wife, but I do have to worry about my son and what he may have to deal with when he grows up.  It makes me wonder just how safe it's going to be for him out there, and it makes me wonder what I need to do to make sure that he's got the type of head on his shoulders to ensure he doesn't become someone like this (I'm not talking about being gay, I'm talking about being the type of person who can put a few moments of gratification above someones life.)

Somethings seriously wrong with the world today folks...  and I find myself wondering if it's ever going to get fixed.

[djones520]

If you read any of the other stories from that website, prepare to be disgusted.  It's full of stories of people who feel victimized by the people they screw without informing them about their HIV positive status.   

[franksolich]

Great piece, djones, sir.

No, no one here really has anything against gays; it's more of a matter of what they tend to do, not themselves as people.

One can't control feelings, but one can control conduct.

The Impeached One and franksolich, for example, are both men, with the normal usual standard customary promiscuous tomcatness of men.  That's just the way men are, and nothing can be done about it.  One accepts, adapts, and moves on.

One can't control feelings, but one can control conduct.

In Nebraska, people with sexually-transmitted diseases from heterosexual relations have always been declared public health hazards, and even plopped into jail or prison if they refuse medical treatment for the contagious condition.

It was only during this past legislative session--term-limited, wholly new since 2004, tax reductions second year in a row despite tough times, session ended early because all the work was done--that it finally became a crime in Nebraska to have HIV or AIDS, and to not inform a prospective playmate of that fact.

One expected the gay lobby to jump all over these freshmen and sophomore state senators, but it didn't happen, because this past spring there were many revelations of innocent people (usually in Omaha) being unknowingly infected by playmates who knew they themselves were infected, but never told the playmate.

[NHSparky]

And there are those in and out of the gay community who wonder why there is such resistance (no pun intended) to their agenda.

[Celtic Rose]

Seriously, what does it say about someone when they've caught three STDs from unprotected sex, is still infected with one of them, and yet still participates in unprotected sex with absolute strangers?    Freaking idiots!!!

This is sort of behavior that makes it difficult to have too much sympathy for homosexuals with HIV.  When a groups culture revolves around casual sex, and everybody knows how dangerous it is and what the possible consequences are, then why should I feel sorry for you when the expected occurs?

No, I don't want people to die from AIDS, but I see so many fundraisers for AIDS research, and more international money goes to AIDS prevention than to any other disease that kills people world wide if I'm not mistaken.  There are people who have HIV or AIDS through no fault of their own, and they having nothing but my deepest compassion.  This guy, however, is contemptible. 

[NHSparky]

Rose...are you familiar with the terms, "bug chaser" and "gift givers"?

That right there should tell you something about how distrubing the "gay agenda" can be.  If it were just about letting two people love each other, regardless of sexual orientation, I'd be fine with that, but it's not--it's so much more, and in many cases, so much worse.

[Celtic Rose]

Rose...are you familiar with the terms, "bug chaser" and "gift givers"?

That right there should tell you something about how distrubing the "gay agenda" can be.  If it were just about letting two people love each other, regardless of sexual orientation, I'd be fine with that, but it's not--it's so much more, and in many cases, so much worse.

Unfortunately, yes I am, and I personally think that they are indicative of serious mental illness.  Anybody who actively pursues a deadly disease needs serious mental help, but that is not "politically correct" 

[jtyangel]

Unfortunately, yes I am, and I personally think that they are indicative of serious mental illness.  Anybody who actively pursues a deadly disease needs serious mental help, but that is not "politically correct" 

That could be because some who are pro-gay will have to admit that homosexuality may actually be a symptom of the same mental illness that creates "bug chasers" and "gift givers". What's sad is that there are probably a good percentage of people in the homosexual lifestyle who are indeed victims of a treatable mental illness, but for the sake of political heroism and narrowmindedness they are denied the treatment they need to live a normal life. I have yet to find people who are pro-gay who will address teh segment of it that is indeed rooted in abnormal sexuality as a result of abuse or manipulation. I do believe there are many people stuck in this who have treatable mental illness. Why we coddle it when we don't coddle bipolars or psychotics in the same manner is beyond me--well I know why, it's just sad.

[GOBUCKS]

Nature's way of ridding the population of defective individuals. If they were chickens, they'd be pecked to death.

[Wineslob]

Nature's way of ridding the population of defective individuals. If they were chickens, they'd be pecked to death.

Exactly.

I'll help.   

[Eupher]

Seriously, what does it say about someone when they've caught three STDs from unprotected sex, is still infected with one of them, and yet still participates in unprotected sex with absolute strangers?    Freaking idiots!!!

This is sort of behavior that makes it difficult to have too much sympathy for homosexuals with HIV.  When a groups culture revolves around casual sex, and everybody knows how dangerous it is and what the possible consequences are, then why should I feel sorry for you when the expected occurs?

No, I don't want people to die from AIDS, but I see so many fundraisers for AIDS research, and more international money goes to AIDS prevention than to any other disease that kills people world wide if I'm not mistaken.  There are people who have HIV or AIDS through no fault of their own, and they having nothing but my deepest compassion.  This guy, however, is contemptible. 

Spot on, CR. Exactamundo.

If you play with pigs, expect to get dirty. (That's in a rule book somewhere.)

More seriously, for those who have contracted HIV/AIDS through unprotected sex - given what we know about HIV and how it spreads - I have absolutely no sympathy. Ditto for chlamydia, syph, the clap, and herpes.

If you wanna play, you gotta pay.

[Hawkgirl]

So that's what happens at bathhouses?  It's a full blown orgy...Condoms alongside washcloths..wow.

I don't have any gay friends...can you tell?