tiering the primitives

[franksolich]

Thanks to Karin here, I'm re-evaluating my rankings of the primitives, because I'm about ready to finish this year's edition of DU For Guests, which includes such rankings.

There are seven tiers of primitivity, from top to bottom:

(01) non-primitives on Skins's island
(02) first-tier primitives
(03) second-tier primitives
(04) third-tier primitives
(05) the unterprimitiven, the faceless lynch mob
(06) the les risibles primitives, the ridiculous ones
(07) the drek primitives

If anybody has any nominations of primitives who should be slotted into one particular tier, feel free to express them, so that I may be further enlightened of their Gross Depravities and Great Vileness.

Disclosure here, before I go on; over the years, both franksolich and franksolich's moles have established communication with certain primitives.  Some of those associations are still ongoing, and in fact even thriving, while other of those associations have withered away, lapsed (with never an instance of rancour, both parties accepting the fact that not all associations can be fruitful).

And so out of respect for these primitives, currently associated or formerly associated, franksolich has never mentioned them here, at our old home, or on P-J Comix's DUmmie FUnnies, acting as if they don't exist at all.  There are 54 of those, currently and formerly associated, but none of whom have drawn much attention of decent and civilized people, and so it's unlikely anybody's going to nominate any of them for a tier.

Only two primitives have ever spurned the hand of friendship offered them by franksolich (none by franksolich's moles)--Fat Che and Pedro Picasso.  A spurned franksolich is a pissed-off franksolich.  A woman spurned is nothing, nothing at all, compared with franksolich spurned.

Anyway.  Feel free to argue, because if I need corrected, I should be corrected.

The definition of a non-primitive is someone who really doesn't belong on Skins's island, but who somehow while floating around, landed there and can't get off.  Examples of this are my fellow alum Skins, the operating one, the buzzy one, the now-mausoleumed left-handed attorney.  Also, either the "Night Owl" primitive or the "Nite Owl" primitive, whichever primitive is our nocturnally foul one here.

A first-tier primitive is a primitive who's actually done real things in real life, but whose prime is past, because of Old Age.  Examples of this are the Leona Helmsley of DUmmieland the "flyarm" primitive, the cross-bearing maternal ancestress the "Raven" primitive, the Rita Hayworth primitive the "Tambourine LaBamba" primitive who's pretty old.

A second-tier primitive is a primitive likely to eventually move into either one of the two categories above; this category has a very high mortality rate on Skins's island, though.  Examples of this are the "cboy4" primitive, the "Kali" primitive (not to be confused with the nasty mean old bitter "cali" primitive), the cuckoo primitive the "KoKo" primitive, the now-gone-away legendary herb primitive the "Mythsaje" primitive.

A third-tier primitive is an unterprimitiven with leadership abilities; a rabble-rouser.  Examples of this are Chief S itting Bull the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive, the nasty mean old bitter "cali" primitive, the American Nana primitive that NanceGreggs idiot, the now-obscure malicious cartoon charactive primitive the "KelvinMace" primitive, the "mike_c" primitive.

The unterprimitiven need no definition or examples.

A les risibles primitive is one of the painfully ridiculous and stupid primitives, just really stupid pathetic primitives but funny nonetheless.  Examples run the gamut from the subway cat to Pedro Picasso to Doug's ex-wife to the Bostonian Drunkard to the shadowy primitive to the lonestarnut primitive to the sparkling husband primitive.

A drek primitive is a primitive with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, being wholly worthless, more repulsive than fresh pig shit, and even dangerous.  A drek primitive is so foul, so disgusting, so repugnant, that I myself have only ever identified two of them, the skumbag primitive the "IanDavid" primitive, and the dysmenopausal Kansas school teacher the "Proud2BLibKansan" primitive.

A drek primitive is the sort that even if one is strongly pro-life, intensely compassionate and charitable to all, he wishes their mothers had fallen down the stairs or something when five or six months pregnant surviving okay but losing the infant.

[Toastedturningtidelegs]

Frank, i'm going to have to second Karins nomination of HiFructosePronSyrup as a drek primitive. He has managed with that single post to put himself in the same company as Iandb1{IanDavid}

[franksolich]

Frank, i'm going to have to second Karins nomination of HiFructosePronSyrup as a drek primitive. He has managed with that single post to put himself in the same company as Iandb1{IanDavid}

Thanks, sir.

I think Karin pretty much had him nailed down as the third drek primitive.

Remember, this is the criteria for selecting a drek primitive; we're all nice people here, decent and civilized people, compassionate and caring people, and don't wish anything bad on even the primitives.....excepting, really, would the world and humanity have been better off if mom when pregnant had fallen down the stairs?

That's really strong criteria to accept, which is why thus far there's only three drek primitives.

[delilahmused]

Isn't there anything lower than drek? The bitter syrup guy doesn't even rate status in the human race.

Cindie

[franksolich]

Isn't there anything lower than drek? The bitter syrup guy doesn't even rate status in the human race.

Well, no, actually a drek primitive is outside the human race.

A drek primitive is just a worthless piece of shit.

That's why one has to be careful with this category, because even the subway cat and Pedro Picasso have some good qualities, albeit microscopically-minuscule ones, such as being entertaining.

[miskie]

I like the system, and the layout, but I do have one subtype to propose

Abbandonato - the forgotten , the abandoned, the miserable. Those who have had their lives genuinely destroyed, who have few friends, even amongst the other primitives.( Unlike , For example The Subway Kitty who spends its time attention whoring..)For example, Rising Phoenix.



-edited for clarity.

[franksolich]

I like the system, and the layout, but I do have one subtype to propose

Abbandonato - the forgotten , the abandoned, the miserable. Those who have had their lives genuinely destroyed, who have few friends, even amongst the other primitives.( Unlike , For example The Subway Kitty who spends its time attention whoring..)For example, Rising Phoenix.

Okay then, that makes eight tiers.

That would be right underneath the underprimitiven, the faceless lynch mob, and right over the les risibles primitives, the ridiculous ones.

[Toastedturningtidelegs]

I like the system, and the layout, but I do have one subtype to propose

Abbandonato - the forgotten , the abandoned, the miserable. Those who have had their lives genuinely destroyed, who have few friends, even amongst the other primitives.( Unlike , For example The Subway Kitty who spends its time attention whoring..)For example, Rising Phoenix.



-edited for clarity.

OOOOOH! I nominate Ladyhawk for this new tier!

[franksolich]

OOOOOH! I nominate Ladyhawk for this new tier!

No, no, sir; these primitives have to be truly tragic primitives.

The ladysquawk primitive is one of the les risibles, whose predicaments are of her own making, and funny besides.

edited to add: an abandonato primitive's situation would make one cry sincere tears; a les risibles primitive's situation would make one laugh, because the primitive's caused his own problems by his own stupidity.

[miskie]

No, no, sir; these primitives have to be truly tragic primitives.

The ladysquawk primitive is one of the les risibles, whose predicaments are of her own making, and funny besides.

agreed totally - there are very few primitives who always pick the short straw in life, and whose stories seem to be genuinely tragic. Most of them intentionally make themselves into 'victims' as ladysquawk does. And these stories are funny, like a clown who invariably gets a pie in the face. -I actually feel bad for Rising Phoenix.

[franksolich]

I actually feel bad for Rising Phoenix.

That's the criteria to use, when trying to separate the abandonatos from the les risibles.

[miskie]

That's the criteria to use, when trying to separate the abandonatos from the les risibles.

franksolich -- Thank you for understanding exactly what I was suggesting for the tier - I was afraid I wasn't clear enough in my meaning.

[Tantal]

I hate to say it, but I would have to nominate iverglas as a first-tier primitive. For those unaware, iverglas is a female Canadian attorney.......and most likely uglier'n a sack o' buttholes. My visceral hatred for her comes from her visceral hatred of one of life's great pleasures..........the ownership and use of firearms. The reasons I would have to rank her as a first-tier primitive are her education and ability to get others, namely the lynch-mob primitives that wander into the Gungeon, to follow her. Under the hardline communist dictatorship that The Messiah would like to create, the iverglas primitive would be one of those leading the useful idiots around by the nose, much like the Political Officer in the old Soviet military.

[franksolich]

I hate to say it, but I would have to nominate iverglas as a first-tier primitive. For those unaware, iverglas is a female Canadian attorney.......and most likely uglier'n a sack o' buttholes. My visceral hatred for her comes from her visceral hatred of one of life's great pleasures..........the ownership and use of firearms. The reasons I would have to rank her as a first-tier primitive are her education and ability to get others, namely the lynch-mob primitives that wander into the Gungeon, to follow her. Under the hardline communist dictatorship that The Messiah would like to create, the iverglas primitive would be one of those leading the useful idiots around by the nose, much like the Political Officer in the old Soviet military.

That would make her a third-tier primitive, sir, a leader of the lynch mob, in the same sense Chief S itting Bull, the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive is a leader.

[Karin]

Bobolink:  Risible or abbandonato?   Risible I suppose, since she doesn't inspire real tears of sympathy from me, no matter how much she puts on her poor, pitiful, me shtick. 

[thundley4]

Bobolink:  Risible or abbandonato?   Risible I suppose, since she doesn't inspire real tears of sympathy from me, no matter how much she puts on her poor, pitiful, me shtick. 

I would agree, since she/it voluntarily left some housing that she/it had.

[franksolich]

Oh yes, the bobbling primitive's definitely one of the laughable ones, a les risibles primitive, alongside her uncaring pal Pedro Picasso.

[Tucker]

Now that we have the class divisions, we need to start filling in the spaces. In other words, name names.

third-tier primitive

Judi Lynn
kpete
Joanne98

Feel free to edit as you deem necessary; or delete all together.

[Carl]

Where does one classify the likes of Greenbriar or the Lonestarnut,attention whoring, nasty and mildly insane.

On that note the same question would go for Spooked,Octaman (sp?) and until recently tombstoned Seemslikeadream?

Troofer insanity has to be a whole different clinical definition then all other types so far categorized by medical science.

[Tucker]

Where does one classify the likes of Greenbriar or the Lonestarnut,attention whoring, nasty and mildly insane.

On that note the same question would go for Spooked,Octaman (sp?) and until recently tombstoned Seemslikeadream?

Troofer insanity has to be a whole different clinical definition then all other types so far categorized by medical science.

Greenbriar has no class.

[franksolich]

Greenbrial has no class.

The chubby slut greenbriar primitive is a les risibles primitive, one of the laughable ones.  She's not a leader, a third-tier primitive, and definitely not one of the faceless unterprimitiven.