Write your own Leftist Hallmark Cards here!!

[dandi]

Now this is obviously a spin-off thread from this one:http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5635487 wherein conservative prodigy Ben Shapiro skewers Wanda Sykes and her DU mentality. However, their efforts fall a little flat...

Sparkly  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)  Journal  Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Mon May-11-09 06:55 PM
Original message
Write your own Leftist Hallmark Cards here!!
   
Mother's Day card:
I'm super happy you're my mommy
And proud that you're a pinko commie!

corpseratemedia  Donating Member  (265 posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Mon May-11-09 07:00 PM
Response to Original message
1. Dearest Son,
   
Because We Had Empathy For You, You Were Raised Wanted and Loved.


Happy Birthday, Your Socialist-Communist Mother and Father

Because we had "empathy" for you?

EFerrari  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)  Journal  Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Mon May-11-09 07:11 PM
Response to Original message
7. Another Mother's Day card:
   
Dear Mother

I'm glad you knew no torture works
to keep us safe from Wall Street perks

MindPilot  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list  Donate to DU!      Mon May-11-09 07:18 PM
Response to Original message
9. In deepest sympathy to the GOP
   
You are not socialest; you are not librul.
And "decent is patriot" signs are waaay cool
But the sad fact is chickenhawk morans can't even spell.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5635636


Since the DUmbasses are stumbling a bit, I'll be happy to ghostwrite a few for them. Any lurking DUers feel free to use for your next special occasion.

--------------------

As the years go by
It makes me more and more appreciative
That you saw me more than just a clump of random cells
And your chance encounter with my father-to-be, whoever he was
In the closet at the Cynthia McKinney victory party
Did not end up with me scraped into a metal pan
Under the cold glare of Women's Clinic lights
Even though I was a parasite on your life for nine months
And caused your degree in Alternative Lifestyles to be put on hold
You went against your instincts and had me
For that I thank you

HAPPY RELUCTANT MOTHER'S DAY

--------------------

My Dearest Crotch-Dropping
From the day you became a Viable Life Form
Due to the doctor's suction machine being broken
And my inability to get a ride back to the OB/GYN's office
Before patriarchal fascist laws dictated it was too late to exercise my choice any longer
You have been a joy in my life
Well, really your grandparent's life, since they raised you
And I only saw you between trips to Rehab
But nonetheless
Teaching you your first words, "Chimpy Sucks"
Changing your American Flag diapers
Showing you how to fill a bong
Placing the radio by your crib when Randi Rhodes came on
All those little things that mean so much
Have brought so much happiness into my life
Not to mention a few extra Welfare dollars
So I guess you were worth the enslavement

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

--------------------

For my Greatest Soulmate
The one who chose me among many at the Leather Bar
Though the gallons of Anal Lube have been many
And the antiretroviral treatments have been long and nauseating
You have always been my favorite Bear
The long nights with our chest hairs mingling
And our breaths, wafting over one each other's bodies
Smelling of one another's semen
Have made me appreciate no longer having to cruise the bath houses
Or the Greyhound Bus Station restrooms
Or the Interstate rest stops
Or the all-nite gay porno theaters
Or the local Democratic Party meet-ups
And may the homophobic fundies who seek to deny us legal union
Die slow and protracted deaths from bowel cancer
And their children burn to death in space heater fires
And their parents be ripped apart by wild animals in tragic zoo accidents
And their acquaintances be mangled hideously by runaway tractor-trailers on the expressway
In Jesus' name we pray

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

[Chris]

A little?

[Duke Nukum]

I expected corpseratemedia's card to read:

Dearest Son

Because we had empathy for the planet, we aborted you.

Happy Earth Day!

[USA4ME]

Clump of Cells That We Missed Killing,
   
Because We Had You, You Were Neglected And Raised By The State.

Bush is Hitler.

Salutations on Your Birth Anniversary,

Your Socialist-Communist Mother and Father

.

[Lord Undies]

Leftist cannot have Hallmark cards.  They require precious limited resources to produce, and the real killer - they are designed to recognize and acknowledge an individual person instead of a collective. 


(H5, dandi.  Good job.)