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Offline Tucker

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My husband is too lazy to work
« on: April 28, 2009, 02:36:48 PM »
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katty  (1000+ posts)        Tue Apr-28-09 12:39 PM
Original message
Dear Cary...my husband is too creative to work
 more: http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2009/04/28/creative_h... /

My husband is too creative to work
We're going bankrupt and losing our house because he refuses to take a job.

By Cary Tennis

April 28, 2009 | Dear Cary,

My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. He's an interesting, creative, intelligent, funny person who everyone loves and we've had a good marriage -- rocky at times but always loving and fun, even exciting -- and we've raised a smart, talented kid whom we're very close to and proud of. We both feel an incredibly strong bond and attraction to each other and have since the first day we met. The problem is he doesn't work much, and over the years I've slowly become the principal breadwinner by default. His job is in a creative field, as is mine, only I can go on staff and earn a salary and he's an independent contractor.

As talented and creative as he is, he has never made enough money to support himself, let alone our family. I've hung in there hoping he would finally "break in" or "make it," but he's still working toward this amorphous and seemingly unattainable career that just never happens. Don't get me wrong -- he works like a dog doing freebies and below-the-line work to meet people, network and make connections -- but he refuses to take a job just for the money in fear that a "real" job will come up and he won't be available. Since he only works about three weeks a year, a job wouldn't get in the way. But when I try to talk to him about it he gets angry and defensive. I lost my job last year, and even this hasn't seemed to light a fire under him to try to get work. So we've been living on my unemployment -- not easy with three people.

We're losing our house, our savings is gone and we've filed for bankruptcy. My unemployment is ending in two months and I keep reminding him, hoping he'll start looking outside the box, but it's like he's paralyzed.

 

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LibertyLover  (1000+ posts)      Tue Apr-28-09 12:51 PM
Response to Original message
3. Sounds like my husband - except he's too lazy to work
 Oh, he complains on occasion about being at home all day with the dogs and the kid when she comes home after school, but oh darn, he just can't get a job because what would we do about the kid? So, I declared bankruptcy in December, have no savings and we will be loosing the house soon to foreclosure. He's extremely pissed about that of course, but not pissed enough to go out and try to find a job. He gave up working about 2 years after we married, to see if when we got the kid he could stand to be a stay at home dad. He found out that it wasn't bad - wife gets up at 0:dark:30 in the morning to go to work, he gets to stay home and watch tv, play with his toys and after we had the kid, take care of her. For a while that was time-consuming I will admit, but now that she is in first grade, not so much. Well, now he's getting to pack up the house because we will, barring a miracle, need to leave soon. Of course that is making him mad too because he doesn't have as much time to build trains or do his reenactment stuff. 

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noamnety (1000+ posts)        Tue Apr-28-09 01:03 PM
Response to Original message
6. I wonder if reactions would be different
 if the genders were flipped.

Quote
cliffordu  (1000+ posts)        Tue Apr-28-09 01:11 PM
Response to Reply #6
9. Yep. Not a ****ing peep, then.,

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Demobrat  (1000+ posts)      Tue Apr-28-09 02:10 PM
Response to Reply #19
20. I've seen that situation too.
 It's like the man wants to be taken care of like another child. I have no idea why any woman would put up with it.

Cause they don't have to worry about the toilet seat being left up.

Quote
katty  (1000+ posts)        Tue Apr-28-09 02:19 PM
Response to Reply #20
21. it is really strange, i know a few couples that are in very
 difficult financial situations-and the male parent just won't take on the kids for even awhile during the day. the women that may be working in this scenario work part time or make other arrangements during the day. in some cases both couples are not working and the wife is taking care of the kids herself all day-and they are both at home. i just don't get it.

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dustbunnie (522 posts)      Tue Apr-28-09 01:16 PM
Response to Reply #8
11. It's not necessarily that dire. Anyone who's worked in the creative milieu has met dozens of these -
 
or at least a few. They just can't let go of "living the dream" even if they have no real talent. I think Woody Allen stereotyped this type of person in one of his movies, can't remember which one, where one of the sisters was "creative," but just couldn't ever find or apply herself.

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Dogtown  (1000+ posts)      Tue Apr-28-09 01:29 PM
Response to Reply #11
16. A valid point
 I day-dreamed similarly for years, but didn't let it interfere with reality. Not sure at what point it becomes clinical, but the OP's situ seems severe enough to explore the possibility.


It is humbling to accept being ordinary, i'll admit...
 

Uh!!!! You're not by any means of the word, ordinary.

Quote
Lorien  (1000+ posts)      Tue Apr-28-09 01:19 PM
Response to Original message
14. I know a lot of guys like this
 I know one Freeper who has been married for 20 years and hasn't worked much at all for the past five. He brings in about $600 a year from a few art jobs that he does while his wife works a 52 hour week. He still expects her to care for the kids, cook and clean as well. He handles their money because "the Bible says that the man is the head of the house". Most days he just hangs out at a cafe and picks up girls. It's sickening.

Another guy I know became unemployed three months ago. He loves living on unemployment and hasn't seriously looked for work at all yet. He taught High School English for a few years then worked in broadcasting for 28 years. He's decided that there are no jobs in teaching or broadcasting (without even looking) so he wants to go to community college for a few years to learn about the hospitality industry. Thing is; we're in Orlando and tourism has tanked here. Loads of people in the hospitality industry are without jobs already. I think that he just doesn't want to work, so he's going for a job that he knows won't be there. The shame is that he IS a very intelligent, well educated guy. He's just very, very lazy. What a waste!

She is and has been insane for a long time.

Quote
BoneDaddy (1000+ posts)     Tue Apr-28-09 02:34 PM
Response to Original message
24. Alot of self labeled "creative" people think they are special
 and that their given strengths mean that others will recognize it and reward them, with little effort on their part.
 

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Demobrat  (1000+ posts)      Tue Apr-28-09 03:05 PM
Response to Reply #24
28. They are not only special
 but much, much better than the sellouts who actually lower themselves to work for the man. This breed thrives in my neighborhood, the North Beach section of San Francisco. You can see and hear them any morning at Cafe Trieste, expounding on yuppie scum and the appalling lack of art appreciation in society today. And mooching coffee money.

We all know that they're describing democrats. They don't associate with any conservative men.
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Come to think of it, unions do create jobs. Companies have to hire two workers to do the work of one.

Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2009, 02:48:58 PM »
Wife: Now known as "The substitute Mom basement & CHEETO provider".
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Offline franksolich

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2009, 04:24:52 PM »
Oh my.

I see the lying Lorien primitive is still pretty good at making up things.
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Offline Tucker

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2009, 04:39:42 PM »
Quote from: franksolich on April 28, 2009, 04:24:52 PM
Oh my.

I see the lying Lorien primitive is still pretty good at making up things.

She's a Moonbats Moonbat.
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Come to think of it, unions do create jobs. Companies have to hire two workers to do the work of one.

Offline USA4ME

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2009, 06:32:25 PM »
In stark raving normal primitive stupidity, several of them are defending the guy under the auspice of the "creative types" being misunderstood.

.
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Offline Tantal

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2009, 07:25:35 PM »
Hey, lurking DUmmies, this shit is BIBLICAL. A woman's #1 need in life is security.......which includes finances. Sure, she can go earn that security on her own, but she'll still have little respect for a man who makes no attempt to try to provide it for her. Once she finds a man who will, her legs will spread like warm butter.
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Offline Carl

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2009, 08:39:12 PM »
The OP just described probably every DUmmy in perfect detail.

They all think that every need and desire of life should be provided to them free of charge and in return they will give society such valuable things as drug induced poetry and bugged eyed Satanic depictions of Christ.
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Offline delilahmused

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2009, 08:52:23 PM »
Interesting how traditional they can be when it suits their purpose. Not one of them has considered kicking the bum out (or leaving themselves) if he won't get a job? I don't really understand these people at all. My husband wouldn't tolerate being "kept". He was out of work for a few months and could hardly stand it. OTOH, boredom does help them with completing the tasks on the "honey do" list.

Cindie
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Offline Vagabond

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2009, 11:18:11 PM »
Quote from: Tantal on April 28, 2009, 07:25:35 PM
Hey, lurking DUmmies, this shit is BIBLICAL. A woman's #1 need in life is security.......which includes finances. Sure, she can go earn that security on her own, but she'll still have little respect for a man who makes no attempt to try to provide it for her. Once she finds a man who will, her legs will spread like warm butter.

One of my wife's friends is cheating on her husband.  I told her she should woman up and divorce him if she wants to have sex with someone else.  Her husband is a loser, he had to get two masters degrees and just to sit around and jerk off to porn on the internet.  This other guy is a loser too, a forty-five year old plumber's apprentice.

I'm told she didn't like me calling her hubby and her boyfriend losers, oh well.
« Last Edit: April 28, 2009, 11:27:45 PM by Vagabond »
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Offline The Village Idiot

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2009, 11:48:18 PM »
Quote
Don't get me wrong -- he works like a dog doing freebies and below-the-line work to meet people, network and make connections -- but he refuses to take a job just for the money in fear that a "real" job will come up and he won't be available. Since he only works about three weeks a year, a job wouldn't get in the way

Her husband is a loser. He gets creative for charity for 3 weeks a year and watches online porn the rest of the time
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Offline The Village Idiot

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2009, 11:52:07 PM »
Quote from: JohnnyReb on April 28, 2009, 02:48:58 PM
Wife: Now known as "The substitute Mom basement & CHEETO provider".

but in DUmmie land these men are saints aren't they??
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Offline Chris_

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #11 on: April 28, 2009, 11:55:26 PM »
Quote from: FGL on April 28, 2009, 11:52:07 PM
but in DUmmie land these men are saints aren't they??

The men who take on the mantle of "wife"?!?!  I guess so.  If atheist commie cocksuckers had saints, I guess they would...
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Offline happy1ga

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2009, 01:49:33 AM »
What's really sad about this is, even my ex the wife beating, stalking nutjob had a good job, insurance provided, travel pay, etc.I had the choice of working or not working during the nightmare marriage, he really didn't care. He walked in the door and handed me the paycheck, until direct deposit became the regular thing to do, and then I kept the checkbook. How sad is it that these people are so stupid they are not even living in a dangerous or volatile situation, but won't leave their spouse?
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Offline RobJohnson

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #13 on: April 29, 2009, 02:08:28 AM »
The response to the "Dear Cary" letter in the opening post:

Dear Bankrupted by Love,

I personally relate to much of what you say. I, too, was raised to believe that creative people need our undying support because they are not capable of handling life on their own. I have at times played the part that your husband is playing -- the part of the hopeless creative, needing to be cared for by a mother figure. I have also played the part of the loyal martyr caring for a hopeless creative. I have the potential to be both the martyr and the caretaker. You probably do, too. In fact, as a fellow artist, you may identify with your husband's ambivalence about extracting his price from the world, and making the compromises and hard sacrifices that survival requires.

Oh, I relate to this quite well, believe me. And over the years I have sought help wherever I could find it -- including private therapy, consultants and the 12-step program known as Debtors Anonymous. All these resources have been helpful.  More

 :lmao:

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Offline The Village Idiot

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #14 on: April 29, 2009, 04:32:49 AM »
nice one Rob
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Offline diesel driver

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #15 on: April 29, 2009, 06:25:58 AM »
Quote from: USA4ME on April 28, 2009, 06:32:25 PM
In stark raving normal primitive stupidity, several of them are defending the guy under the auspice of the "creative types" being misunderstood.

I understand the "creative types" quite well.  So well, in fact, I can express it in a mathematical equation.

Creative=Lazy

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Offline Karin

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #16 on: April 29, 2009, 10:22:52 AM »
#3, Libertylover made me snort softly:

Quote
Well, now he's getting to pack up the house because we will, barring a miracle, need to leave soon. Of course that is making him mad too because he doesn't have as much time to build trains or do his reenactment stuff. 

 :lmao:  Who says "I do" to this sort of creature?!   

I just don't get laziness like this.  Wouldn't losing a freakin house kick you in the ass to take any job at all?   Course, I'm a horse for work.  I love it. 
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Offline RobJohnson

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #17 on: April 29, 2009, 10:28:43 AM »
Quote from: Karin on April 29, 2009, 10:22:52 AM
#3, Libertylover made me snort softly:

 :lmao:  Who says "I do" to this sort of creature?!   

I just don't get laziness like this.  Wouldn't losing a freakin house kick you in the ass to take any job at all?   Course, I'm a horse for work.  I love it. 

The loss of the house is simply bad karma!  :rotf:
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #18 on: April 29, 2009, 10:49:42 AM »
Well, I'm a pretty creative guy, from a very creative family.  We all know paying the bills comes first, though.  Envy my wife, DUmmie wimmenz!

 :tongue:

 :rotf:
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Offline delilahmused

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #19 on: April 29, 2009, 12:20:15 PM »
Can't one be creative after work or on the weekends?

Cindie
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Offline franksolich

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #20 on: April 29, 2009, 12:25:54 PM »
Quote from: delilahmused on April 29, 2009, 12:20:15 PM
Can't one be creative after work or on the weekends?

This reminds me of richboy playboy Pedro, the "artist."

In that household, the wife brings home the bacon, while Pedro occasionally brings home a 99-cent bag of fried pork rinds.
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Offline Wineslob

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Re: My husband is too lazy to work
« Reply #21 on: April 29, 2009, 02:20:41 PM »
Quote
As talented and creative as he is, he has never made enough money to support himself, let alone our family. I've hung in there hoping he would finally "break in" or "make it," but he's still working toward this amorphous and seemingly unattainable career that just never happens. Don't get me wrong -- he works like a dog doing freebies and below-the-line work to meet people, network and make connections -- but he refuses to take a job just for the money in fear that a "real" job will come up and he won't be available. Since he only works about three weeks a year, a job wouldn't get in the way. But when I try to talk to him about it he gets angry and defensive. I lost my job last year, and even this hasn't seemed to light a fire under him to try to get work. So we've been living on my unemployment -- not easy with three people.


In other words, you are/were too stupid to dump the bum, and now you want to bitch about.

Got it, shit-for-brains.
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