To: Skinner, president, CEO, CFO, and principal owner of democraticunderground
Elad, third-ranking officer of democraticunderground
From: franksolich, forensic accounting specialist
Date: March 4, 2009
Subject: cutting expenses
This is the second of four memorandii concerning the financial health and stability of democraticunderground, so as to be better poised for the times to come, the hard times of the 0bamareich.
The first memorandum, already sent, dealt with enhancing revenues. The third and fourth memorandii will deal with bettering the public reputation of democraticunderground, and possible legal problems in the future.
On the surface, it seems the suggested revenue enhancements would more than cover all expenses of democraticunderground, but if one does not need to incur expenses, why incur them?
On the surface, it seems the most obvious places to cut expenses are in overhead; the luxurious corporate offices of democraticunderground, the football-field-sized personal offices, the table-tennis-sized solid walnut and mahogany executive desks, the gold fixtures in the restrooms, the lunches catered in from Washington's finest establishments of cuisine, the bar, the indoor golf course, the heated swimming pool, private hidden hideaways where one entertains women not one's wife, &c., &c., &c.
This however is not suggested; the primitives are difficult to deal with, and so you two deserve all that you can get, and more.
However, there are other expenses that can be either eliminated or cut.
The first is the second-ranking owner of democraticunderground, Lord Marblehead EarlG, whose position and person should be eliminated as quickly as possible. Lord Marblehead contributes no benefits, only problems, to the organization.
Lord Marblehead, a British subject, imagines himself another Charles Dickens or Fanny Trollope or Alexis de Tocqueville, commenting upon America and Americans, when in fact Lord Marblehead is only an idiot.
And not even a funny idiot; just a really stupid one.
It was Lord Marblehead, when the two of you were out of the office that fateful day in April 2005, who allowed Doug's ex-wife to unleash her Great Mischief, that really stupid half-baked prank, perhaps the biggest public-relations disaster for the reputation of democraticunderground, not even the Bostonian Drunkard and Playboy Pedro excepted.
One trusts that the two of you have never since left Lord Marblehead in the office alone, but why bother having him there at all? And worse yet, paying him?
That eliminates an expense entirely; there are some expenses that can only be cut, not dispensed with altogether.
Given the nature of democraticunderground, it is a fertile field for trolls, moles, and other sorts of disruptors, and as is your right, much time and trouble is spent on trying to cull them out, kick them out.
However, one is mystified that Elad needs so much mole-detection computer programs, which are not cheap, when an even better--and cheaper--solution lies in one of the primitives herself.
"Dorothy," the snobbish primitive, the "uppityperson" primitive, who recently went back into nursing, has always been the best mole-detector one can find, better even than these fancy expensive computer programs.
She's very good; one has no idea how she does it, but she does it.
"Dorothy" is an obnoxious ageing tattle-tale and know-it-all, not an attractive person at all, nary an exemplar of decent and civilized humanity, just really a bitch, but she is extraordinary at mole-detecting.
And we all must serve at least one useful purpose in life.
Since the nature of the job demands only a few hours a month, it would be good to dispense with all the fancy expensive mole-detecting computer programs and simply put "Dorothy" on the payroll for a token $100 a month.
edited to spell my fellow alum's name correctly; I have no idea how that got by me, and my apologies for the inconvenience
