To: Skinner, president, CEO, CFO, principal shareholder in democraticunderground
Elad, third-ranking officer in democraticunderground
From: franksolich, forensic accounting specialist
Date: March 3, 2009
Subject: enhancing revenues
Gentlemen: This is one of four memorandii being sent for your illumination, concerning how democraticunderground can survive the tough economic times we are in, and the even tougher economic times to come at least until January 2013.
The other memorandii include cutting expenses, bettering the public reputation of democraticunderground, and possible legal issues that lay ahead.
You, as two of the three principle owners of democraticunderground, at times have come under harsh fire and hearty condemnation for the seemingly promiscuous ways you raise and spend money, mostly for your personal benefit.
It is the professional opinion of franksolich, however, that actually you two are underpaid, and deserve more, much more.
It is not easy dealing with primitives; it's a really rough job, and one deserves all one can milk from the ungrateful barbaric ones, but you two are not milking the primitives enough.
I, personally, would not do the job for a million dollars a year; the primitives aren't worth it.
And also in the real world, with 0bama as president, it is a sure thing that one will be confronting higher taxes and inflation. You two need to make more money, lots more money, just to stay where you are at, much less increase your affluence.
Fund-raisers and subsidies from the Democrat Leadership Council (DLC) are not enough; one has to be more vigorous in the milking of primitives.
I suggest that democraticunderground begin assessing posting fees on primitives; since there are ostensibly so many primitives, and many of those primitives post a great deal, such fees would not have to be onerously large.
Something along the lines of five dollars for starting a bonfire (thread), and twenty-five cents for each comment posted by primitives at that bonfire.
This should not break the bank of any primitive, other than Doug's ex-wife, but that is okay, because democraticunderground would be better off if Doug's ex-wife were tossed off the island into the shark-infested ocean.
There could also be fees imposed upon the use of certain words, such as fifty cents for every curse-word or obscenity written. And because the primitives are so self-centered, to discourage that, ten cents for every time a primitive uses "I," "me," "my," and "mine."
But such additional fees should be considered only for the purposes of behavioral modification, not revenue, which has something to do with the betterment of the public reputation of democraticunderground.
Memoradum #2 will deal with cutting expenses.
Respectfully submitted,
franksolich.
