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Author Topic: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!  (Read 5103 times)

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Offline asdf2231

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Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« on: February 23, 2009, 10:32:06 AM »
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http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8547540

underpants  (1000+ posts)        Mon Feb-23-09 08:07 AM
Original message
BAD NEWS this morning- no pineapples for my daughter for breakfast
We have one of those "top end" can openers-it takes off the top so there is no jagged edge
and my wife hasn't shown me how to work it

I tried to figure it out yesterday (on both sides of the can) no luck

This is no surprise, it took me two weeks to figure out how my sunglasses worked
Running/biking shades with vents at the top for body heat (highly recommended) and I could figure out how to change out the lenses
turns out the instructions were in the carrying case
   :thatsright:

Quote
suninvited  (1000+ posts)        Mon Feb-23-09 08:25 AM
Response to Original message
2. Just attach it to the top of the can
 and push the button. It will start on its own. When it stops, remove it.


Quote
underpants  (1000+ posts)        Mon Feb-23-09 08:41 AM
Response to Reply #2
4. Now this isn't one of those Gizmo thingies
 we have one of those somewhere in the house-never hooked it up

this is a hand crank dealie but I can't figure out how to make it do the actual can OPENING
 

Quote
HopeHoops  (1000+ posts)      Mon Feb-23-09 08:38 AM
Response to Original message
3. Get the Dole pineapple chunks in the plastic jar with the lid
 It has the same peel-off plastic seal that the snack cups use and keeps them sealed up with a screw on lid. Bonus: no can opener problems!
Note for the record that there were no "Sarcasm" tags on this post. It was offered as genuinely helpful advice.  :p :lmao:


 

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Offline Lord Undies

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2009, 10:35:59 AM »
Hey, DUmbass!  Try applying the opener to the side rim off the can in a "head-on" fashion, squeeze the handles together, and twist the knob.
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Offline Texacon

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2009, 10:40:22 AM »
OMG these people are idiots.  They never think outside the box or outside lockstep.

DUmb ass .... if you really wanted your kid to have pineapples for breakfast why not use a KNIFE?!

GMC Chrysler.  Hell, I carry a P-38 with me at all times but if I couldn't find that my handy dandy pocket knife will open a can just fine. 

On second thought ..... stay the hell away from the knives.  It would be a damn shame for your daughter to see you slice your friggin hand off.  If she is not around .... carry the hell on!

KC
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Offline TheSarge

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2009, 10:42:12 AM »
Quote
We have one of those "top end" can openers-it takes off the top so there is no jagged edge
and my wife hasn't shown me how to work it

I tried to figure it out yesterday (on both sides of the can) no luck

This guy is the reason why Claymore mines have "Front Toward Enemy" stamped on them.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2009, 10:43:05 AM »
Quote from: Texacon on February 23, 2009, 10:40:22 AM
OMG these people are idiots.  They never think outside the box or outside lockstep.

DUmb ass .... if you really wanted your kid to have pineapples for breakfast why not use a KNIFE?!

GMC Chrysler.  Hell, I carry a P-38 with me at all times but if I couldn't find that my handy dandy pocket knife will open a can just fine. 

On second thought ..... stay the hell away from the knives.  It would be a damn shame for your daughter to see you slice your friggin hand off.  If she is not around .... carry the hell on!

KC

 :werd:
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #5 on: February 23, 2009, 10:45:04 AM »
Quote from: TxRadioguy on February 23, 2009, 10:42:12 AM
This guy is the reason why Claymore mines have "Front Toward Enemy" stamped on them.

I take it you've know a troopie or three that couldn't tie their bootlaces consistently without the tender ministrations of the platoon sergeant?
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Offline TheSarge

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #6 on: February 23, 2009, 10:58:10 AM »
Quote from: DefiantSix on February 23, 2009, 10:45:04 AM
I take it you've know a troopie or three that couldn't tie their bootlaces consistently without the tender ministrations of the platoon sergeant?

Yup.  Got a couple of them under my tender care right now.
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Liberalism Is The Philosophy Of The Stupid

The libs/dems of today are the Quislings of former years.  The cowards who would vote a fraud into office in exchange for handouts from the devil.

If it walks like a donkey and brays like a donkey and smells like a donkey - it's Cold Warrior.  - PoliCon



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Offline Flame

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2009, 11:04:34 AM »
He has to wait for his wife to show him how to use a friggin can opener???    I sure as hell wouldn't be leaving a kid alone with him then...he's too stupid to trust to take care of them properly.

How does he remember to breathe?
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2009, 11:06:26 AM »
He's one of those retards with "TGIF" written on his shoes - to remind him that Toes Go In First...
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Offline asdf2231

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2009, 11:13:24 AM »
Quote from: Flame on February 23, 2009, 11:04:34 AM
He has to wait for his wife to show him how to use a friggin can opener???    I sure as hell wouldn't be leaving a kid alone with him then...he's too stupid to trust to take care of them properly.

How does he remember to breathe?


My wife went away for a week long deployment shortly after my daughter was born and she finally got to a phone in the middle of it and called me and she was all "How ARE you? Is the baby okay?!"

I told her that she was doing better after the hospital visit because I accidentally lit her on fire and then grabbed what I thought was water but was my stadium cup full of vodka and threw that on her and it just made things worse but that once I stomped the flames out she seemed to be okay.  :-)

We also had a conversation once where I told her that the diaper pail was broken. "What do You mean 'broken'?"  "Well it won't close all the way and there's this god awful stench." "Have you emptied it lately?" "What do you mean empty? I'm not touching those things!"

 :rotf:

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Offline Toastedturningtidelegs

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #10 on: February 23, 2009, 11:17:21 AM »
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http://www.democraticunde...l&address=105x8547540

underpants  (1000+ posts)        Mon Feb-23-09 08:07 AM
Original message
BAD NEWS this morning- no pineapples for my daughter for breakfast
We have one of those "top end" can openers-it takes off the top so there is no jagged edge
and my wife hasn't shown me how to work it

I tried to figure it out yesterday (on both sides of the can) no luck

This is no surprise, it took me two weeks to figure out how my sunglasses worked
Running/biking shades with vents at the top for body heat (highly recommended) and I could figure out how to change out the lenses
turns out the instructions were in the carrying case
It amazes me he can breath on his own! :lmao:
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Offline jukin

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #11 on: February 23, 2009, 11:18:33 AM »
The gifted and talented at the DUmp are for government control because of shit like this.
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Offline Texacon

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #12 on: February 23, 2009, 11:21:27 AM »
Quote from: jukin on February 23, 2009, 11:18:33 AM
The gifted and talented at the DUmp are for government control because of shit like this.

I think you are spot on here.  They truly feel they are the gifted and talented in the world and if THEY can't do something then how in the hell can you expect the rest of humanity to be able to do it.

^5

KC
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Offline Miss Mia

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #13 on: February 23, 2009, 11:34:02 AM »
Quote from: asdf2231 on February 23, 2009, 11:13:24 AM

My wife went away for a week long deployment shortly after my daughter was born and she finally got to a phone in the middle of it and called me and she was all "How ARE you? Is the baby okay?!"

I told her that she was doing better after the hospital visit because I accidentally lit her on fire and then grabbed what I thought was water but was my stadium cup full of vodka and threw that on her and it just made things worse but that once I stomped the flames out she seemed to be okay.  :-)

We also had a conversation once where I told her that the diaper pail was broken. "What do You mean 'broken'?"  "Well it won't close all the way and there's this god awful stench." "Have you emptied it lately?" "What do you mean empty? I'm not touching those things!"

 :rotf:




LOL!   :lmao:



BTW, I have one of those can openers that open the whole top so it's not sharp.  Um, yeah it didn't have directions on it, because a monkey could even operate it.  Dumbass. 
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Offline Lord Undies

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #14 on: February 23, 2009, 11:36:29 AM »
Quote from: Flame on February 23, 2009, 11:04:34 AM
He has to wait for his wife to show him how to use a friggin can opener???    I sure as hell wouldn't be leaving a kid alone with him then...he's too stupid to trust to take care of them properly.

How does he remember to breathe?

We have one of the side openers.  They are unnatural and hard to figure out at first.

Once, our daughter's idiot boyfriend was in our kitchen cooking one of his specialties.  He ask me for a can opener.  I handed it to him and walked out of the kitchen.  

In my defense, I did go back in a little later.  I was being unfair.
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Offline Texacon

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #15 on: February 23, 2009, 11:49:51 AM »
Quote from: Lord Undies on February 23, 2009, 11:36:29 AM
We have one of the side openers.  They are unnatural and hard to figure out at first.

Once, our daughter's idiot boyfriend was in our kitchen cooking one of his specialties.  He ask me for a can opener.  I handed it to him and walked out of the kitchen.  

In my defense, I did go back in a little later.  I was being unfair.

And now he is posting on the DUmp but he is forgetting to tell us his girlfriends dad came to his rescue!

 :rotf:

KC
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Offline Flame

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #16 on: February 23, 2009, 11:56:39 AM »
Quote from: Lord Undies on February 23, 2009, 11:36:29 AM
We have one of the side openers.  They are unnatural and hard to figure out at first.

Once, our daughter's idiot boyfriend was in our kitchen cooking one of his specialties.  He ask me for a can opener.  I handed it to him and walked out of the kitchen.  

In my defense, I did go back in a little later.  I was being unfair.

We have one, too...the only one in my family who can't work it is my youngest, and it's just because his hands arent strong enough to twist the handle. 
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Offline miskie

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #17 on: February 23, 2009, 12:10:01 PM »
Its easy DUmmy - show the can a picture or two of your hands, sing a few solidarity songs together, and ask it to express it's feelings, as you express yours. That can will open up for you in no time, I promise.
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Offline miskie

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #18 on: February 23, 2009, 12:12:34 PM »
Quote from: TxRadioguy on February 23, 2009, 10:42:12 AM
This guy is the reason why Claymore mines have "Front Toward Enemy" stamped on them.

ANd packets of Silica Gel have 'Do Not Eat' printed on them, I can understand though. I know when I buy a new stereo or television, I fully expect to find a tasty snack inside the box as well.
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #19 on: February 23, 2009, 12:26:14 PM »
Quote from: asdf2231 on February 23, 2009, 11:13:24 AM

My wife went away for a week long deployment shortly after my daughter was born and she finally got to a phone in the middle of it and called me and she was all "How ARE you? Is the baby okay?!"

I told her that she was doing better after the hospital visit because I accidentally lit her on fire and then grabbed what I thought was water but was my stadium cup full of vodka and threw that on her and it just made things worse but that once I stomped the flames out she seemed to be okay.  :-)

We also had a conversation once where I told her that the diaper pail was broken. "What do You mean 'broken'?"  "Well it won't close all the way and there's this god awful stench." "Have you emptied it lately?" "What do you mean empty? I'm not touching those things!"

 :rotf:



H5, I LOVE doing that kind of stuff to my wife!

 :rotf:
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #20 on: February 23, 2009, 12:29:08 PM »
How freaking tough can it be to turn the thing 90 degrees?



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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #21 on: February 23, 2009, 12:43:20 PM »
Quote from: freedumb2003 on February 23, 2009, 12:29:08 PM
How freaking tough can it be to turn the thing 90 degrees?

Apparently, well beyond the grasp of the "super-educated" at the DUmp.
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Offline asdf2231

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #22 on: February 23, 2009, 12:59:43 PM »
Well at least we know how to kill them all when the balloon goes up.

We just infiltrate and take away their can openers and wait a couple of weeks.

:-)
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #23 on: February 23, 2009, 01:01:19 PM »
Quote from: asdf2231 on February 23, 2009, 12:59:43 PM
Well at least we know how to kill them all when the balloon goes up.

We just infiltrate and take away their can openers and wait a couple of weeks.

:-)

LOL!
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Offline Lord Undies

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Re: Hey World! I'm too stupid to work a frigging can opener!
« Reply #24 on: February 23, 2009, 01:07:34 PM »
Quote from: DumbAss Tanker on February 23, 2009, 12:26:14 PM
H5, I LOVE doing that kind of stuff to my wife!

 :rotf:

I use to watch a guy's plumbing business every year while he went on vacation.  He had little to no sense of humor.....

:ring ring:

Me:  "Good afternoon - Brothers Plumbing"

Him:  "Just checkin' in.  Ever'thing OK?"

Me:  "Yeah, the fire department just left and the insurance guy's on the way."

(I'm such a cut up!) 
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