Yeah, it's Lounge safe.
GLADIATOR the Mark Steyn movie review!
Request of the Week Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Dear Mark,
Please reprint your Movie Review of Gladiator from the Spectator
Simply the funniest review of a film I have ever had the pleasure to read. Really.
Men in skirts
from The Spectator, May 20th 2000
Germania, 180 AD. Rome is at war with the, er, Germaniacs, who stand around in the Black Forest grunting like Brits on the piss who've nutted themselves in one pub fight too many. You need a cool head to take on the Roman Army, and the only one the barbarians have belongs to Caesar's emissary, whom they thoughtfully decapitated before sending the rest of him back. They wave the old noggin around like a treasured football, grunting, `Ug Eugh Blug' or, translated from the original gibberish, `Over 'ere, my son.' Then they scratch their pelts and grunt some more, seemingly unconcerned by the fact that the Roman legions are lighting up their blazing arrows and fireballs. The ensuing battle, whose outcome would seem never to be in doubt, is apparently the final bloody act in a 12-year war.
Despite having had 12 years to get there, the Emperor's son nevertheless shows up late. `Did I miss it?' he simpers. `Did I miss the battle?' The son's name is Commodus. No, not Commodus, but Commodus, as in the old showbiz saying: Commodus tonight, tragedy tomorrow. Commodus, who sounds like he dates back to a Mel Brooks sketch circa 1962 but in fact goes all the way back to the real Roman Empire, is that old stand-by of the dynastic drama, the disappointing son. His father, Marcus Aurelius, is a noble philosopher-king, but the son is no chip off the old block. We can tell that from the moment we first glimpse Commodus, sprawled in his commodious caravan, but just in case we miss the point Joaquin Phoenix lays on the mincing like a trowel, and the make-up, too. He's weak, vain, decadent, and has the hots for his sister, Lucilla (Connie Nielsen).
LINK for the rest. Very funny.
