Doug's ex-wife gets understanding of the universe and everything

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=276x8284

Oh my.

Doug's ex-wife is near the end, but one wonders why the subway cat never showed up.

Droopy  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Tue Sep-23-08 01:41 PM
Original message

Somebody help me out
   
I'm interested in how talk therapy has helped you, if it has. I was in talk therapy for a couple of months after my last hospitalization and I had meds as well. The medication seemed to be working so well that I ditched the talk therapy because it appeared to be going nowhere. I guess I just didn't think I needed to be there.

Well it's 5 years later and some things have been popping into my awareness that I think I need to work on in talk therapy. I'm especially interested in how trauma in childhood has affected your adult life. Personally, I'm lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem and I think it's related to some nasty things that happened to me when I was a kid. We're talking emotional, sexual, and physical violence at the hands of adults. I was really thinking about all of that stuff for the first time in a long time today and now I feel terrible. I know I can let it go and bury those emotions, but I think I will always be dogged by feelings of low self worth if I don't figure out how this is all connected. I go through long periods of time when I feel okay with myself and then something comes along that throws me for a loop and I feel like I do now. I think it's always there, though, waiting for a fight. I'm tired of getting kicked around.

knowbody0  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Tue Sep-23-08 06:14 PM
Response to Original message

1. Hey Droopy
   
I thought I had hit bottom, so I started talk therapy. Once a week, then every two weeks, then once a month. Over a two year period. Thinking I had already crashed I was so not expecting to shatter, but it happened. I was also medicated. I do believe I turned inside out, that my bones turned to rubber, and was a magnet for the sadness in the world.

It was really hard work, but my therapist was like an angel to me with great comforting wings. We were a perfect match. It always felt like she "got me" if that makes any sense. Bottom line, she saved my life by peeling the layers away. Yep, childhood traumas and horrific adult experiences were all a part of each cell in my body.

I'm really thankful for the experience. Left me with a bit of a song in my heart and the ability to walk tall with faith in my self, as well as in my thoughts.

Droopy, ask the universe for a good match for you, and then have faith in yourself. You have an amazing mind and lots to share with the world.

Droopy  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Wed Sep-24-08 01:11 PM
Response to Reply #1

4. Thanks for the kind words
   
In my first experience with a therapist I just sat there and talked for an hour. She listened, but wouldn't really offer anything unless I asked her directly. In your experience, is that par for the course? Is that what therapists are supposed to do? Or are they supposed to be more vocal and involved in the session?

Man, I'll bet life for the Bostonian Drunkard's "talk therapist" is just really boring.

knowbody0  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Wed Sep-24-08 06:22 PM
Response to Reply #4

7. what she would do:
   
Somehow she would tie my past experiences into the present. For instance, one particularly horrific experience happened at 3:00 am. I was waking up about 2:00 am every night unable to go back to sleep. she explained my cells had memories, and that put me on red alert. She somehow did that with everything. I was given that Irish convent punishment of a shaved head at 12 years of age for my impure thoughts, hence I am unable now to cut my hair.The list is long, I won't bore you with it, but mainly she gently sent me on paths for crystal clear perception, which today I count as such a blessing. It does not take away the pain, but it validates your gut reaction, and when you realize that you survived some really crappy stuff, you just feel stronger and clearer. The crowning gift to me was her recommending a book, "Radical Forgiveness". Amazingly, with that perspective, forgiving absolutely set me free from my demons.

blah blah blah, Droopy. You will get thru this next phase because YOU WANT TO.

blue neen  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Tue Sep-23-08 07:51 PM
Response to Original message

2. IMO, it took talk therapy and medication both to really get well.
   
To be honest, I feel like it is always ongoing.

It's a process; it's almost like you have to do prep work before you can actually get into the traumas that have affected your life. You may not have been ready to do the work five years ago, but somehow some things must have changed that made you ready to face those emotions that have been buried for so long.

And when you do...oh, it's like a poison has been let out of your system.

mopinko  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)  Wed Sep-24-08 09:49 AM
Response to Original message

3. droopy. i think
   
that you have hit bottom, worked yourself up from the bottom, are stable, and now you want to know how high up you can climb. can you find a mate? can you get a better job? so you are looking at all the things that can trip you up.

i think if you can find a good therapist, it can only help you. it is going to take a lot of emotional work for you to have the life you want. i guess you could make the same statement for anybody. and i guess it is equally true that a good therapist could probably help anybody through these turning points in life.

if you can find a good one, try it. and don't let it bother you if the first one doesn't work out. or the second. or the third. you have a long journey ahead. you need the right partner.

Droopy  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Wed Sep-24-08 01:27 PM
Response to Reply #3

6. I appreciate your thoughts, mopinko
   
Have you been reading my stuff in the lounge? I'm currently trying to find a girlfriend and I have been thinking about making a career change.

Your first couple of lines nailed it on the head, "i think that you have hit bottom, worked yourself up from the bottom, are stable, and now you want to know how high up you can climb. can you find a mate? can you get a better job? so you are looking at all the things that can trip you up."

I haven't had a girlfriend since before I became ill and there is the possibility of one. I haven't gotten to meet her yet though, and I'm having to wait a bit on that which is not making me feel very good about this prospect. And as far as the job goes, I work 11-12 hours a day on third shift- probably not too many people would like that, but it pays good. I'd like to be able to give it up though. I've been thinking about learning how to speak spanish and using my bi-lingual skills to earn money. I ran across a driver recruiter for a trucking company one time who spoke both english and spanish fluently. He used those skills to recruit latino truckers. I think I could get into something like that.

"you deserve to thrive, not just survive." I think you are right and all I've been doing my whole life is finding ways to survive.

sfexpat2000  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)  Wed Sep-24-08 06:43 PM
Response to Original message

8. Talk therapy with a very talented therapist helped me understand that when I get kicked back to the bad things I lived through, I could change it like changing a teevee channel. Or, more honestly, that I could learn how to do that.

It took a long time for me to find a therapist that was willing to sit with me and my stuff, to learn how to be the owner and not the tenant of my life. When I started meeting with her, she didn't even have her degree yet.

I don't know if we even knew exactly what we were doing at the time but, that's how it worked out.

That doesn't mean those things don't hurt any more or that I have a perfectly clear understanding of the Universe and Everything. It just means that this one other person helped me figure out a place to stand and look for a minute before I folded up my own viewpoint. And that's made all the difference.

mdmc  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Wed Sep-24-08 07:21 PM
Response to Original message

10. let me give this a shot
   
For me, my psychologist was a pretty good sounding board; he listened and helped me to see things for a helpful point of view. At the time I was unhappily involved in a relationship, and felt honor bound to stay in it. I thought my partner would die without me.

My psychologist was able to help me see the situation more clearly. I'll never forget the moment that he said, "thing of how rewarding your relationship with your next girlfriend will be." It helped me to make a good decision.

And my ex didn't die. In fact she is married and has a kid and seems happy. And that was all I wanted for her.

My current girlfriend is in therapy, and I think it has been somewhat helpful for her. When she was at her lowest - jobless, unable to afford her debt, depressed, unable to afford medications or therapy, and pissed at her mom and dad, her therapist was only able to say "I'm sorry." She said it a couple of time in fact.

At the time I thought to myself, "Great. We paid $25 to hear 'sorry' over and over." But that was what my girlfriend needed to hear, and her father, her mother, her rapist - none of them were gonna say it.

It seems to help many people.

[USA4ME]

Droopy

Personally, I'm lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem...

A lib who has an inferiority complex.  There's a surprise.  There's only 5308 just like him at the DUmp according to BadCat's count of 09/25/2008.

.

[JohnnyReb]

$25 an hour ????? That's cheap but I guess it ain't bad when you get paid to sleep thru the day.

[GOBUCKS]

Personally, I'm lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem

A good therapist might help the DUmmy realize that in his case those feelings are justified.

Whenever I hear of someone like this, I think of DUmmy stevenumbers. Zero confidence, zero esteem, and none warranted, but he's still out there, wagging his wiener at anything in a skirt. There is hope for everyone.

[Carl]

When these people say they want socialized health care to help the poor don`t ever believe a word of it.
It is their ticket to escape from the workday life and nothing more.
They would spend every waking moment at a doctor or therapist if it meant they were "disabled" and couldn`t be a productive or employable member of society.

[Duke Nukum]

42?

[Vagabond]

Hey DUmmies!  How would you like to have a medical problem that renders you an outcast and an object of scorn within your own family?  That was me.  It wasn't anything you could tell outward, but it was there nonetheless and it made it where know one wanted to be near me or any sort of friend.  I spent the time I was 6 until I was almost 13 virtually alone except for my books, or  except when I was getting beaten by my Dad or one of those sorts of kids that preyed on kids like me.

Do you think that may have caused some damage to me?

Well, yeah.  It could have destroyed me.  I could have held fast to that resentment and that pain, and if I had I would be just like you.  You see, I learned something from that book you claim to have read but have no understanding of.  I realized about the time I turned 20 that you don't let go of the hatred, the pain and the resentment for the other person.  No, what the bible is saying is you have to let go of it for you.  You can spend all the money and time at the therapist in the world and until you figure that out, you won't be able to heal, because it is just like scratching an infected wound.

Is that scared little kid still somewhere inside of me?  Yes, I still struggle with self-esteem and I tend to keep even those I love at arms length at times, but I can look back and see how far I have come.  I am not that kid anymore.