http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4026067Oh my.
The hallucinating smiling primitive's looking in the mirror.
halobeam (1000+ posts) Wed Sep-17-08 11:51 PM
Original message
Some can only survive because of DENIAL.
I was so terribly dramatic when I was seven. I watched my Dad put his shoes on, grab his coat and say he's leaving my Mom. She laughed in his face, but then keyed right in on me, who was crying, begging my Dad not to go and laughed harder at my over-reaction, saying "Don't be so ridiculous."
I knew she was horrible to him; hell, she was so verbally horrible to all of us, but she shut us all down but good. She had it all down right, and man, was I so off base! (in her very strong opinion); until he really did leave her after all of us grew up and had moved on.
You see, nothing was allowed to be brought up that was "uncomfortable". We would be called downers or even shit stirrer's. What trouble makers we were to bring up things that were real in life, hard things that happen in everyone's life, the things that needed to be worked out instead of swept under the carpet. Naturally, it took a lot of practice and failed attempts to get a connection that mattered on a human level of any sort; silly things like feelings of self doubt or frustration from a hard day or god forbid a need for improvement in communication in the family, when a misunderstanding or even a disagreement took place. In order to overt the thrice weekly sessions of, "God damn it! My dinner is stuck in my throat! Can't we have a pleasant dinner for once?", fake smiles were mastered.
So now, some forty plus years later, everything is rosy when Mom is on the phone. Kids are great, I am great, the house is great and the weather is pleasant. Meanwhile, my seventeen year old told me to **** off, my thirteen year old has a learning disability that he's struggling with, the house is falling off it's foundation, the car's rear window blew out, my husband is disabled and I still can't find where the freaking mice got in last fall, which I'm anticipating their arrival at any time now. Dad lives in the apartment upstairs in our home, getting older, very lonely and is probably going to lose every dime he has, because it's in the stocks. All of it.
I decided to ask her how she felt (being the little shit stirrer that I am) because I knew all her money is in the stock market too, and she said, "Oh, I'm sure everything will be fine."
I said, "That's great to hear Mom."
She is voting for McCain and that very smart woman Palin.
She's probably sleeping like a baby right now, while I sit here and type this shit out, to people I hardly know. I guess it's sad, but I think it's important enough to write this.
I feel it can be a bit of help for those who are worrying about their families now, to know that you are not alone in this. I hope it may help those who are so frustrated, because family members have voted and are still going to vote, against their own best interest.
Lastly, I really hope that it helps some of us here, understand more about how some people just do NOT deal with life in REAL terms; they live in such deep denial, because otherwise I believe that THEY believe, they would just FOLD. That's the saddest part of all; they don't believe they are strong enough to get through life as it really is.
More mirror-looking:
BrklynLiberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Wed Sep-17-08 11:55 PM
Response to Original message
1. That is a heart-breaking story..and all the more so because it is probably very widespread. There are so many people who would rather live in the dark rather than light a candle. They are afraid of what the light would show them..
If only it were possible to reason with such people, but it is futile in most cases. Sad, very sad.
The worthless freeloading bum the wily primitive, the one who's building an ark in the middle of the mountains and forests of Tennessee, to take him out to sea:
Wiley50 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Thu Sep-18-08 12:36 AM
Response to Original message
5. Wow
I had one of those "disfunctional" families too. no sense in elaborating, many of us did, just different flavors.
That's why, now, disabled, after a 40 years career in a dead end job, four failed marriages because of money troubles and a family that I barely can speak with (same reason as yours) I finally have peace alone in my hermitude. I am poor but the hassles are over.
Not to mention all those heirs and heiresses born of different women, for whose child support the wily primitive's been evading, mostly through not having a job and income, all these years.
More mirror-looking:
d_b Donating Member (1000+ posts) Thu Sep-18-08 01:02 AM
Response to Original message
6. I feel your pain
my mother is also a narcissistic character. All image, truth be damned. I love her deeply though.
bbgrunt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Thu Sep-18-08 01:35 AM
Response to Original message
8. very poignant. But I fear that our whole culture DEMANDS that people live in denial. After all, who wants to be "Debby Downer"? Who can deny the power of "positive thinking", So many tell us "you create your own reality" that no one dares to admit to the dark side. Even Oprah preaches the power of belief. We are told that we are a nation of optimists--unlike those dour Norwegians or Russians and this characteristic is what keeps us "young" and vibrant. We worship youth.
......I guess all I am saying is that it is a national psychosis to live in denial.
No, it's a primitive psychosis, not a general one.
More mirror-looking:
glinda (213 posts) Thu Sep-18-08 01:56 AM
Response to Original message
9. Sad but true
I know exactly how you feel but tonight I think I had a breakthrough with my 85 yr. old mother. She said she "saw" the lobbyists surrounding McCain on tv somewhere. She used to not know what a lobbyist was. She said regarding the Presidential race "I am voting Independent on that one". Thank God! We are getting somewhere!!!!!!!!! I had thought she had been living in another universe prior to that. Somewhere where I could not get to her or she couldn't hear me. She has always voted Repug.
reggie the dog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Thu Sep-18-08 04:44 AM
Response to Original message
10. It would be funny that my repub gradpa was loosing his shirt in the markets, but that is MY ****ING INHERITENCE HE IS LOOSING!!!
Whoop-dee-do. I hope the old man loses it all, so the primitive doesn't get any of it, the ungrateful cur.
