This was posted by a friend of a friend of mine on Facebook. Stand strong Portla

[CC27]

generalbetrayus

This was posted by a friend of a friend of mine on Facebook. Stand strong Portland!

- UPDATED TO INCLUDE PART OF THE ORIGINAL LETTER THAT WAS SOMEHOW MISSING IN THE ORIGINAL FACEBOOK POST -

"My dearest wife,
It is week two of the Siege of Portland, and still these barbarians will not yield to our troops. We have severed the cords of their latte machines but they are making cowboy coffee in their camps, where loud ukulele songs of resistance even now drift in on the breeze. Our platoon has foraged for bush food, and is now forced to live on cacao nibs and gluten-free bagels, though Lieutenant Knickerbocker believes he knows where he can raid some salmon jerky. Not an Arby's is in sight, and the grumbling of my stomach is part of this ordeal. A mere child has from afar ruined our stew with her banana-slug catapult.

This is not the enemy our fearless leaders advised us to expect, in that they are all pale, even pasty, but defiant or rather not defiant but interested in longwinded discussion of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, which our officers will not engage in as long as the enemy wears t-shirts blaspheming against our Lord and our leader. Nevertheless three of our men have defected, one lured by a tarot reading and a promise of dry socks, two went off to shut down a drag show and never returned. My own faith has been shaken by the discovery that Antifa merely means anti-fascist, and is not an organized terrorist group, but my commanding officer will not address what it means to be anti-anti-fascist.
A Golden Retriever has stolen my ammo belt, undoubtedly trained to do so by these infidels.. Will it never stop raining?"
I remain,
your devoted husband,
Ezekiel
p.s. Mother says I should retain a lawyer lest I be given unlawful orders, which Private Johnson (the one who defected to the Mossy Maidens Ultimate Frisbee team earlier) says we were following all along. Can you compose a missive to Cousin Isaiah to ask whether he would oblige?


https://www.democraticunderground.com/100220679234

Portland is lefty shit hole

[ADsOutburst]

My own faith has been shaken by the discovery that Antifa merely means anti-fascist, and is not an organized terrorist group, but my commanding officer will not address what it means to be anti-anti-fascist.

It's like Democrats think we can't see through their word games.

So what would happen if leftists found out that "MAGA" means "Make America Great Again"? Would they admit to their gross ignorance? Would they change their ways? I think not, since they are loathe to admit that they could be wrong about anything.

[FlippyDoo]

If there was a letter sent by any of our guys in a leftist shithole, it would likely read more like this...

My dearest wife,
It is week two of us trying to bring order to the leftist shithole. As we try to bring peace and enforce the law, we are called storm troopers and evil by the leftists who are attacking and destroying things. Strangely enough, the leftists can’t seem to get their stories straight when it comes to Antifa. Some claim that such a group does not exist. Some admit that it does exist and brags on them as heroes against fascism even as the group uses force and violence and vandalism against anyone who refuses to agree with them (and some who do). Doesn’t that sound a bit fascist? Unfortunately, there is not a huge selection of places to eat. Apparently, this leftist shithole still hasn’t completely recovered from the left’s “mostly peacefully protests” back in 2020 when they burned down businesses and buildings. Wait a second, doesn’t that sound a bit fascist, too? Hmmm. Anyway, maybe common sense will eventually prevail, and I’ll be home. Since we’re dealing with leftist, I just wouldn’t get my hopes up.

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

The OOP implies the feds will somehow be kept outside of Portland rather than moving about as they see fit.

That's the funny part.

[SVPete]

  Progs need to leave satire to those who know how to do it.

[CollectivismMustDie]

Progs need to leave satire to those who know how to do it.

Indeed, they satire poorly.

[FlippyDoo]

Progs need to leave satire to those who know how to do it.

Maybe it's just me, but it seems to me that anytime they try to sound intelligent, they come off sounding stupid but (usually) also hilarious. On the other hand, when they try to sound funny or witty, they just come off sounding stupid. They should just stick to trying to sound intelligent. At least that way, normal folks can get a bit of comedy entertainment out of them.

[SVPete]

Maybe it's just me, but it seems to me that anytime they try to sound intelligent, they come off sounding stupid but (usually) also hilarious. On the other hand, when they try to sound funny or witty, they just come off sounding stupid. They should just stick to trying to sound intelligent. At least that way, normal folks can get a bit of comedy entertainment out of them.

generalbetrayus desperately needs your counsel.